No one to rely on. Re: Unsupervised Dad

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DS21
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Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2021 11:36 am

No one to rely on. Re: Unsupervised Dad

Post by DS21 » Wed Nov 17, 2021 12:34 pm

Hi .

My husband just signed his papers and was placed in SOR. We are not aware that it means he cannot be left alone with our kids unsupervised.
Our "first" knock happened December 2020 and on 6th of January 2021, all restrictions were removed. Then, after 10 months my husband signed the cautioned and was included in the list of SOR.
Within the period of time from my daughter was born (2015) up until now, we were happy living together. It just that unfortunately, my husband happens to made a mistake because he wants to pinned down the bad guys and ended up having those photos in his gadgets.

Our current situation, we do not have any relatives here in the UK, no one to rely on and trust. No access to universal credit. We cannot ask for help to our friends and co-workers since they also have their own family and commitment of their own.

We were visited by our social worker but ended up being so stressed after the meeting due to the fact that we don't have any options but at least consider our situation.

My husband has been the primary carer of our daughter since birth and up to now. We asked them if they could consider my husband to look after my daughter and my unborn child (I am due few weeks from now). We understand the law and as much as we want to have a child minder, we cannot afford it.
We cannot commit to a plan that's temporary. We are run out of options.

I guess, what will happen is it will be escalated if we don't come up with a better solution. 😔

Is there someone in here that could give us some advice or have the same situation.

Thank you.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: No one to rely on. Re: Unsupervised Dad)

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Nov 19, 2021 5:25 pm

Dear DS21

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser. I can see that you are experiencing a stressful time. I understand that the current situation is difficult for you.

You have explained that your husband accepted a caution in relation to an offence involving sexual images of children. As a result he has been placed on the sex offenders’ register which means that he has to comply with certain notification requirements.

As you have a child and another baby due very soon, children’s services have become involved and are, I think, undertaking an assessment or, if the assessment has already been completed, are wanting to put a safety plan in place. This will either be a child in need plan or, if the child/ren are considered to be at risk of significant harm, then it may become a child protection plan.

Here is an explanation of why children’s services have concerns about the risk of child sexual abuse.

When children’s services are doing an assessment in these situations they may ask the parent who committed the offence to move out while they assess or they may request that he is fully supervised around their child/ren at all times. As well as considering any risk that your husband may pose, the social worker will also explore your ability to be protective of your child/ren. It is important not to play down the reasons for your husband’s sex offender registration as your role in making sure your child/ren are safe is key.

You say that you can’t commit to a plan that is temporary. It may be that a temporary plan is necessary for your child/ren’s protection until further work has been done. This could include the social worker risk-assessing your husband, requesting that he undertakes an assessment with a specialist service, asking him to do a particular programme or asking you to do protective parenting work. Has the social worker explained what is meant by temporary or what recommendations they are making about what you and your husband can do to manage any risk? They would need to regularly review any temporary plan.

I can understand that there is a lot for you to deal with especially as you are heavily pregnant, you don’t have family here and I think you may be the main wage-earner in your family. So asking your husband to leave the family home or requiring him to be supervised all the time around your child/ren is not easy for you. The social worker could assess your ability to supervise or maybe a friend or colleague may be more willing to help than you realise.

You are right that the situation could escalate if a safety plan and further plan of action cannot be agreed. It will be important that you and your husband work with any professionals involved. These tips on working with social workers may help.

We have information here about the steps that children’s services’ can take, in the most serious situations, when they think a child is unsafe at home due to sexual abuse.

The best thing for you and your husband to do for now is to make sure that you understand the concerns and that you can show the social worker that you are doing what you can to work with them while they consider any possible risks to your daughter and the baby when born. Try to see if you can come up with any other supports and ask the social worker to help make a plan that is safe and workable.

You might also find it helpful to an adviser at Parents Protect on freephone 0808 100 0900 and to have a look at their website.

You can also ring Family Rights Group’s freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366 – the opening hours are Mon to Fri (except Bank Holidays) from 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. You can also post back if you have a new query.

I hope the baby’s birth goes well.

Best wishes

Suzie

DS21
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2021 11:36 am

Re: No one to rely on. Re: Unsupervised Dad)

Post by DS21 » Thu Nov 25, 2021 7:14 am

Hi Suzie.

Due to enormous stress brought up by this incident, I delivered my baby early than it supposed to. Luckily, the baby is fine and healthy.

We were visited by the police last Friday and based on what they told my husband, he is not a risk around our children. We also inform them about our current situation and they understand.

As of the social worker, I spoke to her and she will come by together with a colleague. Which based on my understanding, we have been escalated for not having a "permanent" plan because our social worker insists she cannot accept the "temporary" plan that we told her.

I called the Parents Forum number for enquiries, as well as Citizens Advice but still no other option or solution that was made. We are left with no other option but to beg for a little consideration. The social workers can assess us every month if they wish to, it's not a problem to us.
My point is, let say that my husband is on SOR list but I don't think they assess my husband if he pose danger to our children. The social worker did not assess how our daughter's relationship with her dad, so how will they know?

As I mentioned, we don't have any relatives here or friends or colleagues to rely on. No access to public funds or universal credit. There's no other option for our family. What will happen to our children? Sacrifice our budget for food, housing and utilities for a child minder which wil costs us £600-£800/month. That's too much.

We are so hopeless right now.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: No one to rely on. Re: Unsupervised Dad

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Nov 29, 2021 3:33 pm

Dear DS21,

Thankyou for your further post. Congratulations on the birth of your baby – I am very glad to hear that the baby is well despite being born early. I am sorry to hear that you have been under so much stress that it triggered an early birth.

You say that you have spoken with the social worker and that they said that they will visit you with a colleague. Hopefully this meeting will give you some clarity about what steps (if any) children’s services feel they need to take next. As I said previously they may feel that the children would benefit from being on a child in need plan, or if they are concerned that your children are at risk of significant harm then they may hold a child protection conference which could result in the children becoming subject to a child protection plan. It is important that you feel clear about what steps children’s services feel they need to take next.

As I said previously it is important for you and your husband to continue working in partnership with children’s services, acknowledging the concerns and showing the social worker that you are doing what you can to work with them and keep the children safe whilst they complete any assessment.

Please do post again if you have any further queries or updates. You are also welcome to call our advice line on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm).

Best wishes,
Suzie

DS21
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2021 11:36 am

Re: No one to rely on. Re: Unsupervised Dad

Post by DS21 » Thu Dec 23, 2021 12:13 am

Update.

Hello. Our SW visited us for the last time and she will handed it over to another SW who will handle our case by next year 2022.

We discussed today about placing our kids to child in need plan. They're gonna schedule a meeting thru Microsoft Teams together with my husband's visor, school teachers and other that is involved in our current situation. Does it mean that we're already red flagged by the SW? I forgot to ask our SW about it.

So far, the outcome of our conversation today was way more better compared the last time. I am thinking positive about where we are heading to, but to be honest I am still quite anxious every now and then. I think because of what we have been through for a year now. It has been an emotional and psychological exhausting for me and my husband. And since, we don't have any relative here in UK, it's hard and leaves a heavy burden for the both of us to handle.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 3265
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: No one to rely on. Re: Unsupervised Dad

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Tue Jan 04, 2022 4:59 pm

Dear DS21

Thank you for your updating post.

It is good that you had a positive meeting with the social worker, and you feel a lot better compared to the last meeting. The plan, from what you say in your post, is for your children to be on child in need plan and a professionals meeting is to be scheduled to discuss this further.

The change of social worker may be because a different team within children’s services will be looking after your case.

You asked whether you have a red flag because a meeting in being set up. It is normal practice to have a meeting prior to a child in need plan being put in place. The meeting is to discuss what support is needed, what is going to be offered, you can explain what would be helpful to you as a family. Once the child in need plan is made, it is important that you and your husband do what is asked of you. If not, and children’s services form the view that the child in need plan is not working, then the case could be escalated to child protection. Information relating to child protection has been given to you in previous posts.

It is understandable that you may become anxious about your current situation but the important thing for you to do is to ask questions so that anything that is unclear can be explained. From what you have said in your post both you and your husband have been trying to work positively with children’s services and this has been considered which is probably why the decision at present is for you children to be on child in need plan rather than child protection.

Whilst the situation is difficult for you with no support from family, I suggest that you both continue to engage with children’s services. Please read the information given regarding child need in plans here

Hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

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