Domestic abuse, family court, advice and help needed.
Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2021 12:17 pm
Hi,
Recently joined this forum, I really need some advice on a current situation I find myself in, I will change some details so it is not completely outing, but the context is the same.
The background leading up to this is as follows.
Last year my daughter and I fled horrific domestic abuse, leading up the fleeing, there had been multiple referrals to Children’s Services by different authorities. Every Police visit, I was encouraged to call the NCDV etc. A significant assault took place on me where I was punched, strangled, and stamped on by ex-partner, father to our child – this happened in front of our daughter who was utterly hysterical, four police officers had to cart him away. This led to the Police making a domestic abuse notification to Children’s Services. I finally found the courage to engage with DV services and was assigned an IDVA who made a MARAC referral and out of the MARAC referral a Child Protection Officer was assigned to us.
The Child Protection Officer made an emergency home visit to which I completely broke down and told her I couldn’t cope with the abuse anymore and I wanted to leave but had nowhere to go as of yet, I was honest and told her I was shouting at my child, and that the abuse was seriously impacting my parenting and our daughter deserved more. I informed the CP officer that not only was my ex partner abusive to me, he was abusive to our daughter, this includes but not limited to, shaking her, starving her, force feeding her, locking her in a dark room and refusing to let me comfort her, pinching her, smothering her mouth when crying, calling her a ****, calling her a mistake, saying she had mental problems like me and choking her.
A Section 47 enquiry was immediately initiated, and I was advised there would be a Child Protection Conference, however the mitigating circumstances were that I advised the CP officer that I was going to leave him. I told her that I had to do this safely and that he assumed we were still together, she told me not to rock the boat and that once I do flee, I am to immediately cut contact.
It took me several weeks to find a place to live, which I did – the day I went to view the Property, my ex refused to let me take our daughter, it was my only chance of us getting away from him so I had to leave my daughter behind for a couple of hours, when I returned she was hysterical and I do not know what he did to her, she literally ran to me shaking. Immediately I knew I couldn’t stay there and said I was taking her with me, he blocked my path and said I can **** off but I wasn’t taking her anywhere. I started packing our things, and he was throwing all of her belongings out of the bags I was packing. As I went to leave, he said if I walked out the door with her he would call the Police, he stood in my path and did exactly as he did, he called the Police and said I had threatened to take his daughter during his contact time.
The Police arrived (newly qualified officers) and spoke to us individually, they referred the matter to out of hours children’s services and they advised as DD was there in her “home” she was to stay there with her Father and I was to leave. I was utterly inconsolable, I tried to put my daughter down and walk out but she ran after me, it ripped my heart into two. The Police officers had to pick me up from the floor and take me outside, one either side of me.
They told me to immediately refer to a Solicitor, I made a promise to myself that would be the last time he ever saw her.
A couple of days later, I was back at his property packing some things up, it would be three weeks till we could move to our new property, I received a call from the Child Protection Officer, by some extraordinary chance, she was at my daughters Nursery with the Police and they were engaging in a strategy discussion. She informed me that he had called the Nursery to say he was collecting our daughter tonight and would be bringing her in the following morning and he wanted a meeting with Nursery staff. The CP officer said I had to flee there and then, I had to pack our belongings, collect my daughter from Nursery and she would arrange temporary accommodation/refuge for us.
What followed was 90 minutes of frantic packing of belongings, I literally walked out with every single thing for my daughter and left all of my belongings behind, to date I have never collected them.
We were put in a refuge, and after arriving there to safety, the CP Officer called him to let him know that myself and our daughter had left for good, and he is to seek legal advice with regards to contact.
We stayed in the refuge for a short time, then a guardian angel of a friend put us up for two weeks, then we finally moved into our property. I remember our first night here, no furniture, nothing – I just sobbed and sobbed, my daughter and I slept on the floor together, she was so scared and so was I. My ex has currently no idea where we are and where we live, he is unaware of where our daughter goes to Nursery or where I work, he has none of my contact details, I changed everything, I changed car, I blocked him on absolutely everything.
After relocating, a MARAC to MARAC transfer was done, I was advised my daughter would be placed on a Child In Need plan.
Within a few days, I was then told the case would be closed as I had safeguarded her and it is not believed she would be at risk any further.
I was distraught, this was the time at the most I needed the most assistance and so did my daughter.
Several months went past, and we heard nothing – 6 months later, he then puts an application to the Family Court.
We had our first hearing last year, the C2 (Safeguarding) letter by CAFCASS stated all the facts, my exes extensive police history was revealed, it was revealed there was domestic history with 3 other victims.
As a result, CAFCASS said that no form of interim contact would be recommended or appropriate. I am forgetting to tell you, at this point, my ex – textbook NARCISSIST has now claimed to be the victim of domestic abuse and spun the tables around and said I “unilaterally” removed our daughter from the house.
My ex then recommends paying for independent social workers to supervise contact, AGAINST the recommendation of CAFCASS, and without hearing directly from the officer the Judge agrees.
However, in doing so – upon receipt of our Court order, CAFCASS wrote back to the Court to ask the Judge to revise his order for interim contact.
Que an emergency hearing with a very senior judge, the judge opened the hearing by saying he was horrified by what he had read from CAFCASS, my Solicitor advised me to offer contact in a contact centre and not “hide” behind the CAFCASS recommendation, despite a CAFCASS officer stating in our hearing the risks as to what ordering contact would have.
Anyway, long story short – contact too place in a contact centre for several months. Due to behaviour issues by him and communication issues, the last centre has now refused to facilitate contact further.
I bring you up to the present day, my ex has made multiple death threats to me, he has breached the non-molestation order, he has called the former local authority demanding where his daughter is and where she resides, he has poured petrol and sent hate mail to my former family home where I used to grow up, and subsequently in the area that contact was taking place.
Children’s Services are now being engaged again, there has been several referrals by different authorities, a Doctor has made a referral, my daughters Nursery have made a referral after she exhibited some extremely disturbing behaviour following a contact day. This has led to a Team around the family meeting taking place in a few weeks’ time.
I received another call from a Social Worker today to say that Family Solutions may be engaged following the outcomes of the TAF meeting.
Daughter has not seen her father for nearly 4 months now due to the disbanding of the previous contact centre and the fact we cannot agree to the use of a new contact centre.
So, naturally he has now applied for enforcement action – we are listed for our next hearing in March 2022 next year.
My Solicitor is UTTERLY useless, I am legally aided and have researched changing solicitors.
I know that Children’s Services cannot overrule a Court Order, however they have written on my daughters record that they have advised me to stop taking her, especially in this interim period.
We are waiting for a Section 7 to be ordered, the Judge has anticipated this being done by the Former Local Authority with input from CAFCASS, however my ex is stating CAFCASS are biased and that the Section 7 should be authored by an ISW of his choosing.
What can I do, I am so scared – I have had multiple police visits, multiple calls from children services?
I honestly feel like, I am about to be murdered. I honestly feel like he is coming for me.
My daughters Health Visitor has been amazing, she’s really trying to advocate for my daughter, she did a home visit a few weeks ago and asked her about her father, the reaction was utterly horrifying, my daughter cowered in a corner and begged the HV not to make her go and that she was scared and didn’t want to see him. She’s expressed that she will write directly to the Court, she has raised her concerns with CAFCASS but as CAFCASS have no current involvement, they have told her to direct to Social Care.
I genuinely feel I am not protecting my daughter. But I am now also scared of being reprimanded for contact breaking down.
This psychotic man cannot find out where we live ever.
I do not have a Solicitor I believe in and that is advocating for me.
Children’s Services abandoned us and it’s been a desperate struggle to get them to reengage with us.
I am speaking to a new solicitor on Monday as I’m really worried about continuing with my current solicitor.
Please can someone offer me some practical advice or just words of wisdom?
Recently joined this forum, I really need some advice on a current situation I find myself in, I will change some details so it is not completely outing, but the context is the same.
The background leading up to this is as follows.
Last year my daughter and I fled horrific domestic abuse, leading up the fleeing, there had been multiple referrals to Children’s Services by different authorities. Every Police visit, I was encouraged to call the NCDV etc. A significant assault took place on me where I was punched, strangled, and stamped on by ex-partner, father to our child – this happened in front of our daughter who was utterly hysterical, four police officers had to cart him away. This led to the Police making a domestic abuse notification to Children’s Services. I finally found the courage to engage with DV services and was assigned an IDVA who made a MARAC referral and out of the MARAC referral a Child Protection Officer was assigned to us.
The Child Protection Officer made an emergency home visit to which I completely broke down and told her I couldn’t cope with the abuse anymore and I wanted to leave but had nowhere to go as of yet, I was honest and told her I was shouting at my child, and that the abuse was seriously impacting my parenting and our daughter deserved more. I informed the CP officer that not only was my ex partner abusive to me, he was abusive to our daughter, this includes but not limited to, shaking her, starving her, force feeding her, locking her in a dark room and refusing to let me comfort her, pinching her, smothering her mouth when crying, calling her a ****, calling her a mistake, saying she had mental problems like me and choking her.
A Section 47 enquiry was immediately initiated, and I was advised there would be a Child Protection Conference, however the mitigating circumstances were that I advised the CP officer that I was going to leave him. I told her that I had to do this safely and that he assumed we were still together, she told me not to rock the boat and that once I do flee, I am to immediately cut contact.
It took me several weeks to find a place to live, which I did – the day I went to view the Property, my ex refused to let me take our daughter, it was my only chance of us getting away from him so I had to leave my daughter behind for a couple of hours, when I returned she was hysterical and I do not know what he did to her, she literally ran to me shaking. Immediately I knew I couldn’t stay there and said I was taking her with me, he blocked my path and said I can **** off but I wasn’t taking her anywhere. I started packing our things, and he was throwing all of her belongings out of the bags I was packing. As I went to leave, he said if I walked out the door with her he would call the Police, he stood in my path and did exactly as he did, he called the Police and said I had threatened to take his daughter during his contact time.
The Police arrived (newly qualified officers) and spoke to us individually, they referred the matter to out of hours children’s services and they advised as DD was there in her “home” she was to stay there with her Father and I was to leave. I was utterly inconsolable, I tried to put my daughter down and walk out but she ran after me, it ripped my heart into two. The Police officers had to pick me up from the floor and take me outside, one either side of me.
They told me to immediately refer to a Solicitor, I made a promise to myself that would be the last time he ever saw her.
A couple of days later, I was back at his property packing some things up, it would be three weeks till we could move to our new property, I received a call from the Child Protection Officer, by some extraordinary chance, she was at my daughters Nursery with the Police and they were engaging in a strategy discussion. She informed me that he had called the Nursery to say he was collecting our daughter tonight and would be bringing her in the following morning and he wanted a meeting with Nursery staff. The CP officer said I had to flee there and then, I had to pack our belongings, collect my daughter from Nursery and she would arrange temporary accommodation/refuge for us.
What followed was 90 minutes of frantic packing of belongings, I literally walked out with every single thing for my daughter and left all of my belongings behind, to date I have never collected them.
We were put in a refuge, and after arriving there to safety, the CP Officer called him to let him know that myself and our daughter had left for good, and he is to seek legal advice with regards to contact.
We stayed in the refuge for a short time, then a guardian angel of a friend put us up for two weeks, then we finally moved into our property. I remember our first night here, no furniture, nothing – I just sobbed and sobbed, my daughter and I slept on the floor together, she was so scared and so was I. My ex has currently no idea where we are and where we live, he is unaware of where our daughter goes to Nursery or where I work, he has none of my contact details, I changed everything, I changed car, I blocked him on absolutely everything.
After relocating, a MARAC to MARAC transfer was done, I was advised my daughter would be placed on a Child In Need plan.
Within a few days, I was then told the case would be closed as I had safeguarded her and it is not believed she would be at risk any further.
I was distraught, this was the time at the most I needed the most assistance and so did my daughter.
Several months went past, and we heard nothing – 6 months later, he then puts an application to the Family Court.
We had our first hearing last year, the C2 (Safeguarding) letter by CAFCASS stated all the facts, my exes extensive police history was revealed, it was revealed there was domestic history with 3 other victims.
As a result, CAFCASS said that no form of interim contact would be recommended or appropriate. I am forgetting to tell you, at this point, my ex – textbook NARCISSIST has now claimed to be the victim of domestic abuse and spun the tables around and said I “unilaterally” removed our daughter from the house.
My ex then recommends paying for independent social workers to supervise contact, AGAINST the recommendation of CAFCASS, and without hearing directly from the officer the Judge agrees.
However, in doing so – upon receipt of our Court order, CAFCASS wrote back to the Court to ask the Judge to revise his order for interim contact.
Que an emergency hearing with a very senior judge, the judge opened the hearing by saying he was horrified by what he had read from CAFCASS, my Solicitor advised me to offer contact in a contact centre and not “hide” behind the CAFCASS recommendation, despite a CAFCASS officer stating in our hearing the risks as to what ordering contact would have.
Anyway, long story short – contact too place in a contact centre for several months. Due to behaviour issues by him and communication issues, the last centre has now refused to facilitate contact further.
I bring you up to the present day, my ex has made multiple death threats to me, he has breached the non-molestation order, he has called the former local authority demanding where his daughter is and where she resides, he has poured petrol and sent hate mail to my former family home where I used to grow up, and subsequently in the area that contact was taking place.
Children’s Services are now being engaged again, there has been several referrals by different authorities, a Doctor has made a referral, my daughters Nursery have made a referral after she exhibited some extremely disturbing behaviour following a contact day. This has led to a Team around the family meeting taking place in a few weeks’ time.
I received another call from a Social Worker today to say that Family Solutions may be engaged following the outcomes of the TAF meeting.
Daughter has not seen her father for nearly 4 months now due to the disbanding of the previous contact centre and the fact we cannot agree to the use of a new contact centre.
So, naturally he has now applied for enforcement action – we are listed for our next hearing in March 2022 next year.
My Solicitor is UTTERLY useless, I am legally aided and have researched changing solicitors.
I know that Children’s Services cannot overrule a Court Order, however they have written on my daughters record that they have advised me to stop taking her, especially in this interim period.
We are waiting for a Section 7 to be ordered, the Judge has anticipated this being done by the Former Local Authority with input from CAFCASS, however my ex is stating CAFCASS are biased and that the Section 7 should be authored by an ISW of his choosing.
What can I do, I am so scared – I have had multiple police visits, multiple calls from children services?
I honestly feel like, I am about to be murdered. I honestly feel like he is coming for me.
My daughters Health Visitor has been amazing, she’s really trying to advocate for my daughter, she did a home visit a few weeks ago and asked her about her father, the reaction was utterly horrifying, my daughter cowered in a corner and begged the HV not to make her go and that she was scared and didn’t want to see him. She’s expressed that she will write directly to the Court, she has raised her concerns with CAFCASS but as CAFCASS have no current involvement, they have told her to direct to Social Care.
I genuinely feel I am not protecting my daughter. But I am now also scared of being reprimanded for contact breaking down.
This psychotic man cannot find out where we live ever.
I do not have a Solicitor I believe in and that is advocating for me.
Children’s Services abandoned us and it’s been a desperate struggle to get them to reengage with us.
I am speaking to a new solicitor on Monday as I’m really worried about continuing with my current solicitor.
Please can someone offer me some practical advice or just words of wisdom?