Totally confused

[HJDN89]

Hi everyone, don't know were to start. I will try and be as succinct as possible, I have a 4 year old daughter and happily married to my wife who is disabled. My daughter over the past couple of months has been getting curious and exploring her body, me and my wife went online and did some research... turns out to be quite a natural thing to do, it just said about making sure boundaries are put in place like for my daughter to be in her own bedroom, we showed her the pants song and just let her know if she was touching anywhere to make sure her hands were clean and not to put any objects down there. We were conscious that we didn't want to make her feel like what she was doing was wrong or anything, its just something kids do.

I am my daughters main care giver as my wife has health issues and is disabled, on the 7th my daughter was in bed watching her pad... she called me in to her room and told me her privates were sore. I get really embarrassed with this stuff, so when mum woke from a nap told her. She noticed she was red, so cleaned her and put sudocreme on her. Roll onto Sunday the 10th my daughter again complained that she was sore again, my wife looked and remarked that things looked better. I suggested a visit to the g.p on Monday the 11th as she might have a water infection or thrush. So Monday after school my wife took her to see the doctor, during the doctors consultation she asked my daughter if she ever put any objects near or in her lady parts. My daughter replied sausages, I know a strange response but my daughter has a wild imagination, the doctor asked why she did that and my daughter replied because her private parts were hungry. The doctor then asked my daughter who had shown or told her to do that, to which my daughter replied "daddy" then laughed and said no he didn't. Anyway the doctor prescribed some cream, whilst at the chemist my wife relieved a phone call telling us to take our daughter to the local children's hospital as our daughter might have put something in her privates and their might be something in there causing the redness.

So we arrived at hospital around 16.30, eventually shown to a room were a doctor examined our daughter, the doctor expressed that given the allegation she had to hand it over to their safeguarding team who then handed it over to social services. Social services from 22.00 hours until 2am in the morning were trying to come and see us in the hospital, eventually a guy from careline rang my wife and insisted very forcefully that I leave my wife and daughter or he was phoning the police to have me removed. I asked what and why I had to leave, he wouldn't give me any information.
So Tuesday 12th a received a phone call from a social worker advising me to leave the house and my mum and dad to have no contact with my daughter and that I could have no contact with her even by phone. I agreed as our house is adapted for my wife's disabilities and all my daughters stuff was there, I didn't want to leave but felt scared and worried. This ended up being a no go as my wife needed to have a chaperone, are house is to small to accommodate this so my wife went to her mums house. That phone call lasted for 5 minutes, the social worker wouldn't answer any of my questions and was supposed to call me a further 3 times but didn't, I messaged her and she still didn't respond.

On the 18th I eventually go a phone call, I had messaged the social worker numerous times as I had questions with regards to what was happening and with concerns for my wife as her mum was calling her names and calling her a bad mother and that she was lazy. She was also taking our daughter out and not asking permission, she believed as a chaperone she can do this. During this phone call the social worker asked me to come in on the 20th so that I could have a risk assessment. During the risk assessment I asked questions and got no answers, I asked when could I see my daughter with no response... I asked about a holiday we have booked for this weekend with a group of family members. I asked if I can go on this holiday, the social worker said yes and she couldn't stop it. I asked how can I be around my daughter and 2 other young children if they are still investigating, why is that allowed but I can't see my daughter.

So roll on today, my social worker was supposed to ring me yesterday and she hasn't. I have left messages as had my wife and we can't contact her... we ring careline and they leave messages for her. Currently I am supposed to be going away, my wife's mother has basically told me I can't come on the holiday. My wife had also said she wasn't going due to her mums behaviour to her, eventually the social worker contacted her and stated that my wife had 2 choices, go on holiday with my daughter or my wife's chaperone would take our daughter and my wife can stay.

I feel let down by the social worker, I read an article on here about when a father is asked to leave the home and what should he do. I have asked for all the documentation within that article to be provided to me, I only found out yesterday my daughter was subject to a section 47. I have no information about whats happening about the process or why I can't see my daughter. The social worker doesn't ring or respond to my messages... I just feel completely overwhelmed and powerless to sort this situation out.

Many thanks and sorry about the long post

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear HJDN89,

Welcome to the Parents Forum. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear about the difficult time you and your family are having. Things seem very up in the air at the moment as there is a child protection investigation. Steps have been taken to protect your daughter from your possible risk to her. (Children services will have to assume the worst about you in case the allegation is correct). Hopefully by the end of the assessment (which takes up to 45 working days) the situation will be a lot clearer.
I can see that you are dad of a 4-year-old girl and you are the main carer for her and for Mum as Mum is disabled. Your daughter, on examination by the GP, has made what may be a disclosure or allegation against you of possible sexual abuse. It does not seem clear to me. The hospital has made a referral to children services as it is children’s services job to investigate any allegation of this nature.
It is likely to be a joint investigation with the police in case a crime may have been committed. I would expect your daughter will be interviewed by a social worker and the police to see whether she makes any disclosures. This will explain why you are not allowed any contact with her at the moment. Some parents may pressurise a child to remain silent. As part of the child protection investigation children services will contact professionals such as the school, health visitor, GP and the police. But they should also be involving both parents (which is not happening) to get an idea about your parenting, your daughter’s development and extended family and friend support for your family.
At the end of the investigation, you should be given a copy of the written assessment. This will include a plan which may be to close the case or there to be continued involvement by children services such as at child in need or child protection level. Here is a triangle diagram showing the levels of children service intervention.

I can see how frustrating it is that the social worker is not responding to your texts and calls. It is understandable that you will be feeling overwhelmed about the situation. As you are a parent, I would expect the social worker to be communicating with you as well as mum. You could try emailing and email her manager for a response.
Have a look at our Guide to working with social workers which sets out things you can do if you are not getting responses.

I hope you soon have a better idea about what is happening soon. If you have any questions please post again.
Best wishes,
Suzie