Please help

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Please help

Post by Returnofthemack69 » Fri Sep 17, 2021 12:32 am

Hi I am in the early stages of pregnancy with my first child, something I am very excited about as I’ve always wanted to be a mum. My partner and I live together but he has a daughter from a previous relationship who was taken from her mother due to her mother not being capable of meeting her needs. She was taken at birth and adoption proceedings were initiated as she was not sure if my partner was the father of her baby. Upon DNA results my partner discovered he is the father so has been involved with the child and has been seeing her steadily at a contact centre. Another previous partner of my partner has alleged that he is the father of her unborn baby (which he heavily disputes) but social services are going off the assumption that he is the father as they believe what the mother of unborn has told them. He has received a negative parenting assessment for his daughter due to him having no previous parenting experiences and a traumatic childhood but no mention of him presenting a risk of serious harm to the child. As I am pregnant I am terrified that my baby will be taken away from me because of my partner having “2 other children” in the foster care system. I have never had any dealings with social workers, I work full time in the healthcare sector, i do not have any criminal convictions and I believe I would be an amazing mother. Please please can you provide some advice or peace of mind regarding this situation as my heart is breaking over this everyday at a time when I am supposed to be most joyful. Please help me.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Please help

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Sep 17, 2021 11:09 am

Dear Returnofthemack69,

Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.

You say in your post that you are in the early stages of pregnancy with your first child - congratulations! Yous partner has a child from a
previous relationship who was removed from her mother. You say that adoption proceedings were started, however, a DNA test showed your partner was the biological father and he is now having contact with the child in a contact centre. Your partner also has another ex-partner who says that he is the father of her unborn child. He disputes this. Your partner has received a negative parenting assessment in relation to his daughter, you say due to his own childhood and lack of parenting experience. You are worried that due to these events, that your own child will be removed from you and would like some advice on next steps. You have had no previous contact with children's services.

Firstly, you mention in your post that both your partner's daughter and alleged unborn child are known to children's services. You say that your partner's daughter is subject to adoption proceedings due to her mother being unable to meet her needs and that your partner has received a negative parenting assessment. This means that children's services do not think that your partner would be able to care for his daughter. You do not state why your partner's other ex-partner is known to children's services - can you tell me what their concerns are in relation to the unborn child.

From what you say, I am assuming there are some concerns about your partner's capacity as a parent. Nevertheless, this does not mean that your own child will be removed from you. Children's services should treat each case individually and assesses the unique strengths and risks accordingly. You do not say whether a referral to children's services has been made - if a referral is made, for example by your midwife, then a social worker will contact you and may start a pre-birth assessment. This assessment will look at whether your baby will be safe in your and your partner's care, what support you have or may need, and whether children's services need to take further steps. There are a number of outcomes from a pre-birth assessment - if the social worker thinks you may need some help, they may recommend a child in need plan. If they have concerns that your child would be at risk of significant harm, they may initiate child protection enquiries, and hold a child protection conference, where a decision will be made as to whether your child should be on a child protection plan. In some cases, if children's services are extremely concerned about your unborn child, they may start pre-proceedings, or take steps to remove your child by applying to the courts. This is known as initiating care proceedings. Please keep in mind that this should only happen as a last resort and in response to a very high level of risk. To read more about this, take a look at our page for parents to be.

If you are contacted by a social worker, it is best that you work with them during the assessment period to show the strengths you have as well as any support you may think you need. You may find it helpful to take a look at our tips on how you can work effectively with a social worker.

If you would like to discuss this with one of our advisers, you can call our advice line Mon-Fri from 09:30 - 15:00.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,


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