Non Mol coercion

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JB19912
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Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2021 8:53 am

Non Mol coercion

Post by JB19912 » Wed Sep 08, 2021 5:58 pm

I get the feeling that childrens services, womens aid or solicitors coerce women into taking out non molestation orders

my ex was moved to a refuge because of services concerns about me. and I cant help but think that she has strung me up in order to be obedient to childrens services, our child is on a child protection plan

can anyone give me insight into what might be the motivation for a woman, with a child under pre proceedings, to get a non mol against a partner who she loves, and wanted to be a family with

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Non Mol coercion

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Sep 13, 2021 3:49 pm

Dear JBB19912,

Welcome to the parents’ board and thank you for your post. I can see that you have made a previous post and so I will answer both here.

You say that you are the father of a 3 month old daughter. Your child is on a child protection plan and living with her mother in a refuge. You say that this is because of your controlling behaviour and threatening violence against your child and her mother. There is a non-molestation order against you.

You are currently engaging in a domestic abuse intervention program as recommended by children’s services and having supervised contact for 1 hour every 3 week will soon begin. You would like to know whether this is an optimal amount of contact. In the future, you would like to have regular unsupervised contact with your daughter and to arrange this informally and directly with her mother.
The social worker has suggested to you that children’s services will not be recommending that you and your child’s mother have any contact in the future, regardless of how the domestic abuse intervention or contact goes. The social worker is also reluctant to consider unsupervised contact at this point.

You say that the next review child protection conference is in January and that the next pre-proceedings meeting is in November, which suggests the case is in PLO.

You say want to know what you can do to stop children’s services from ‘driving a wedge’ between you and your child’s mother and how to ‘get rid of them.’

You also ask about the non-molestation order, and state that your child’s mother has been coerced into taking one out against you by children’s services, women’s aid or a solicitor. You want to know why she would do this having previously wanting to be a family.

Firstly, it is important to state that your daughter is on a child protection plan because the professionals in her life, and the independent child protection chair, agree that she has suffered significant harm or is at risk of suffering significant harm. You state that you have threatened your child and her mother and children’s services are clearly very concerned about this, to the extent that they have initiated pre-proceedings. This means that if things do not change, they may make an application to the court and initiate care proceedings. The fact that your child and her mother are in a refuge also suggests there is a considerable level of risk posed to them.

It is important that you acknowledge and understand these concerns and fully appreciate why you are being asked to engage with a domestic abuse intervention. It is positive that you are engaging in this and the risk you pose should be continually and dynamically assessed. With regards to contact, it is usual that in these circumstances, especially as you made threats against you child, that it will be supervised. You understandably want to discuss when you will be able to have unsupervised contact, but that social worker is unlikely to want to give you any assurances on this until you have completed the necessary work and contact has commenced. It is difficult for me to give you an answer on what is an optimal amount of contact, as each child is different, and contact must reflect their individuals needs. You may want to speak to the social worker about what they would need to see from you for contact to progress being unsupervised and request a review date.

With regards to contact being organised between you and your partner informally, children’s services are likely to be concerned about the potential for risk that this holds. They may be concerned that such communication could lead to further incidents of abuse. Again, it is important that you consider the seriousness of the situation. Understandably, you may want to know how contact arrangements may be conducted in the future, when children’s services may not be involved for example. Have you spoken to the social worker about this – what do they suggest? You child’s safety, as well as her mother’s safety, will be the paramount consideration, and whilst you may want arrangements to be made in a certain way, if this is not safe for them, children’s services will not support it.

Finally, non-molestation order are taken out to protect somewhere or a child from violence and harassment. You have stated yourself that you made threats of violence to your daughter and her mother and it therefore sounds as though she has taken appropriate steps to secure their safety. This may be difficult for you to accept, and I would encourage you to continue working with the intervention you have started – you may also find it useful to call the Respect helpline on 0808 8024040, which is a confidential service for those who have perpetrated domestic violence.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

JB19912
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2021 8:53 am

Re: Non Mol coercion

Post by JB19912 » Mon Sep 13, 2021 4:47 pm

Suzie, FRG Adviser wrote: Mon Sep 13, 2021 3:49 pm Dear JBB19912,

Welcome to the parents’ board and thank you for your post. I can see that you have made a previous post and so I will answer both here.

You say that you are the father of a 3 month old daughter. Your child is on a child protection plan and living with her mother in a refuge. You say that this is because of your controlling behaviour and threatening violence against your child and her mother. There is a non-molestation order against you.

You are currently engaging in a domestic abuse intervention program as recommended by children’s services and having supervised contact for 1 hour every 3 week will soon begin. You would like to know whether this is an optimal amount of contact. In the future, you would like to have regular unsupervised contact with your daughter and to arrange this informally and directly with her mother.
The social worker has suggested to you that children’s services will not be recommending that you and your child’s mother have any contact in the future, regardless of how the domestic abuse intervention or contact goes. The social worker is also reluctant to consider unsupervised contact at this point.

You say that the next review child protection conference is in January and that the next pre-proceedings meeting is in November, which suggests the case is in PLO.

You say want to know what you can do to stop children’s services from ‘driving a wedge’ between you and your child’s mother and how to ‘get rid of them.’

You also ask about the non-molestation order, and state that your child’s mother has been coerced into taking one out against you by children’s services, women’s aid or a solicitor. You want to know why she would do this having previously wanting to be a family.

Firstly, it is important to state that your daughter is on a child protection plan because the professionals in her life, and the independent child protection chair, agree that she has suffered significant harm or is at risk of suffering significant harm. You state that you have threatened your child and her mother and children’s services are clearly very concerned about this, to the extent that they have initiated pre-proceedings. This means that if things do not change, they may make an application to the court and initiate care proceedings. The fact that your child and her mother are in a refuge also suggests there is a considerable level of risk posed to them.

It is important that you acknowledge and understand these concerns and fully appreciate why you are being asked to engage with a domestic abuse intervention. It is positive that you are engaging in this and the risk you pose should be continually and dynamically assessed. With regards to contact, it is usual that in these circumstances, especially as you made threats against you child, that it will be supervised. You understandably want to discuss when you will be able to have unsupervised contact, but that social worker is unlikely to want to give you any assurances on this until you have completed the necessary work and contact has commenced. It is difficult for me to give you an answer on what is an optimal amount of contact, as each child is different, and contact must reflect their individuals needs. You may want to speak to the social worker about what they would need to see from you for contact to progress being unsupervised and request a review date.

With regards to contact being organised between you and your partner informally, children’s services are likely to be concerned about the potential for risk that this holds. They may be concerned that such communication could lead to further incidents of abuse. Again, it is important that you consider the seriousness of the situation. Understandably, you may want to know how contact arrangements may be conducted in the future, when children’s services may not be involved for example. Have you spoken to the social worker about this – what do they suggest? You child’s safety, as well as her mother’s safety, will be the paramount consideration, and whilst you may want arrangements to be made in a certain way, if this is not safe for them, children’s services will not support it.

Finally, non-molestation order are taken out to protect somewhere or a child from violence and harassment. You have stated yourself that you made threats of violence to your daughter and her mother and it therefore sounds as though she has taken appropriate steps to secure their safety. This may be difficult for you to accept, and I would encourage you to continue working with the intervention you have started – you may also find it useful to call the Respect helpline on 0808 8024040, which is a confidential service for those who have perpetrated domestic violence.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

Thanks for the reply, I'm concerned that social services aren't assessing the risk I pose in a realistic or dynamic way, the threats I made were said once, during a period when I was struggling massively with my mental health. it seems that no matter what I do or how much I try to prove that this threat was not consistent with my actual risk level, they use the threat to justify controlling the co parenting relationship between me and the mother

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 3265
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Non Mol coercion

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Tue Sep 14, 2021 2:34 pm

Dear JB19912,

When were you last risk assessed in relation to contact? If you were recently assessed, or your abusive behaviour towards your partner and child was fairly recent, it is not unreasonable for children's services to continue to feel concerned and to expect you to engage with services before they re-evaluate their recommendation. Remember, children's services are there to act in your daughter's best interests, not to control your relationship with her mother, and it may be that they do not think that informal and ongoing contact between you two would be safe.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

JB19912
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2021 8:53 am

Re: Non Mol coercion

Post by JB19912 » Fri Sep 17, 2021 6:33 am

Suzie, FRG Adviser wrote: Tue Sep 14, 2021 2:34 pm Dear JB19912,

When were you last risk assessed in relation to contact? If you were recently assessed, or your abusive behaviour towards your partner and child was fairly recent, it is not unreasonable for children's services to continue to feel concerned and to expect you to engage with services before they re-evaluate their recommendation. Remember, children's services are there to act in your daughter's best interests, not to control your relationship with her mother, and it may be that they do not think that informal and ongoing contact between you two would be safe.

Best wishes,

Suzie.
I have been very open with the social workers via text message about my feelings around the relationship, including attempting to convince them that the relationship was unhealthy due to both partners mental health, they see this as an attempt to blame my ex for any abuse I perpetrated

how is risk assessed? at a MARAC?

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 3265
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Non Mol coercion

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Sep 17, 2021 10:19 am

Dear JB19912,

It is difficult for me to comment on why the social worker may continue to take the position that you are blaming your partner for the abuse you perpetrated - perhaps they think that by mentioning her mental health, you are not focusing entirely on your behaviour.

With regards to a risk assessment, this can vary depending on what the social worker wants to assess. MARAC refers to a meeting where high-risk domestic abuse cases are discussed by multiple agencies.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

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