Child alleged DV and fears father may harm him

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happy143
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2021 4:34 pm

Child alleged DV and fears father may harm him

Post by happy143 » Sat May 08, 2021 9:54 am

We have been married for 21 years and have beenin a relationship for 26 years. We are here in the UK on a Tier 2 Company transfer visa. My son is 15 years and 8 months old. We are due to go back on account of a role change at the end of June (while visa ends Oct 2022 / or until he has the role, sponsorship). A while back my son had expressed his interest to continue to pursue education in the UK and my Husband has made all possible attempts, but our applications were rejected. As a plan B we commenced process of going back to our home country.

A month ago, my son wrote to the school allegedly accusing my husband that he has been causing me harm. School involved SS and Police and my husband was taken away. My husband has never hurt or harmed me in anyway and that is what I told the police before even they arresting my husband. anyways the case almost after 4 weeks has been dropped. As a part of his bail conditions he has been asked to have no contact during the case with either of us or visit our family home. My son has been constantly on about that he is in danger from his father and that he fears that his fathers return will mean harm to him. After my husbands arrest, I have seen a drastic change in my sons behaviour and he is not even willing to talk to me or even sit with me for 5 minutes, not wanting to stay in the same room, playing long hours on the computer etc. He has now started to use these events as a naration that he is not safe at home. one time he tried to harm himself by banging his head in the bathroom on the wall. He has also alleged that my husband has slapped him during a DV incident with myself, which is not true.

A child protection conference was held and they have decided that a Child protection plan needs to be in place. The meeting was a week before, over the weekend myhusband had his bail date and he expressed that he fears my husband coming home and harm to him. They decided to take him away temp for 7 days into care, which didnt happen on account of no place being available. In this time my husband has had to travel to his home country as his immediate family has been taken seriously ill with complications addded with COVID-19. My husband intends to stay there for a while until health improves. In this while my son refuses to talk to my husband and my husband has not made any contact over phone or text as he fears he may self harm himself.

Given that my husband's visa tenure will end in June? what will happen? I want to be with my husband but seems my son has declared to FJS and SS that he doesnt want to travel to India. Everyone we have spoken to is under the impression that he is doing this for not returning to *** while the CPS won't accept this arguement. My son has stated that he will be under threat even in India and CPS feel that is why he could have made the disclosures. We do not have a single family in the UK. I feel he fears that the story he made up, his father will be angry. He is not ready to speak to me or his father. Lives like a royal guest in our house giving me orders for food or to take the thrash away.

I'm uncertain under the current visa rules if my husband is to switch roles outside the country (HR is pressuring him), what are the options that we have as a family. Will I be stopped from going? Will he be allowed to join me, despite his wises to not come to India. I'm really confused and feel we may lose our son in an unknown country.
**** EDITED for confidentiality Suzie

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 3265
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Child alleged DV and fears father may harm him

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri May 14, 2021 3:52 pm

Dear happy143

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser, at Family Rights Group. I am sorry for the worry and difficulties that you are experiencing at present with children’s services involvement with your family.

From your post, your son has made allegations to his school about domestic violence in the home between your husband and you. He has also stated that he is fearful of harm from his father. As a result, of his allegations and children’s services assessment/investigations, it was decided that your son should be placed on a child protection plan. You have not mentioned what you or your husband are expected to do under the child protection plan. Have you been advised to seek support from any domestic violence service? I understand that you say nothing like this has happened in your relationship with your husband. However, sometimes, children’s services may be of the view that a person is denying domestic abuse and want them to get advice and support to understand their situation.

Your son’s behaviour towards you could be said to be abusive in the way he is treating you now or maybe he is angry with you for not supporting him which, must be difficult for you since you say none of what he alleged is true. You may want to set some boundaries for your son rather than allowing him to treat you in this way.

In your post you say that your husband had to return home because a family member is seriously ill and he is now intending to remain there longer. His role in the UK and therefore his visa is due to end in June and you are worried what will happen now.
Children’s services cannot force you to remain here, but they could take steps to prevent your son being taken back home because he has alleged, he will be harmed there. I suggested that you speak with a social worker and ask what they intend to do as you wish to return to join your husband.

Your son is nearly 16 and as such, he could when he reaches that age ask children’s services to provide him with accommodation. Alternatively, if children’s services consider he needs protection, and they should share parental responsibility for him they could apply to the court for an order to give them parental responsibility. This would give them the legal right to make decisions about where he lives and with whom.

As your son is in the UK under your husband’s family visa, I think it may be helpful for you to seek advice from Coram Children’s Legal Centre on 0207 636 8505 about his status. If children’s services apply for and obtain a care order, then they could make applications to regularise your son’s status in this country.

It might help if you ask the social worker to arrange a meeting to speak with you and your son together to see if something can be done to improve your relationship.

If, as you say, your son is making these allegations only so he can remain here, then it may be that he will feel better towards you and his father if he can stay. Children’s services will have concerns about him going to your home country because of what your son has told them.

I have included here information from our website about child protection https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/ ... rotection/.

I hope this is helpful. Should you wish to speak to an adviser about children’s services and child protection, you can telephone our free advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

Best wishes

Suzie

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