Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

Morning, Lovely People.

New to the site, I hope you can help a very distressed dad as we speak.

Keeping the story short-and-sweet: myself and my (now ex) partner had been going through a really rough time given that I was no longer sure whether I wanted to be with her, I often told her how I felt and, over arguments, I would rather leave the house as she wouldn't stop throwing things or shout at me etc. So basically after yet another altercation occurred last week and where again I took the car keys and was heading out (just for a drive), she literally grabbed me and dragged me to the floor, unfortunately I did react (only briefly) and hit her in the leg (something that I had never done and, let's be clear, I have no justification whatsoever for it, I feel entirely shameful and cry on a daily basis as a result...). Of course I was very apologetic, even though I told her that we should really think about either a break from it all or go separate ways. She decided to go to her sisters and spend the night there, all good, we even texted each other saying that we should be more mature as we've got a baby (5 months) and all that. The next morning I got the Old Bill storming my house and arresting me over allegations of assault. I was absolutely shocked (was working from home, in the middle of a call!) and, after spending a good 8 hours in a cell, they told me that I would be released on the basis that there's no evidence and also apparently my ex partner had gotten in touch saying "Oh, I didn't want to cause him any troubles". Police was very apologetic and asked me to be kind to my partner and to sort such minor arguments in a different manner. FYI - I had never been arrested nor had any involvement whatsoever with the law.

To the point: social services are now involved and I am scared to death that they will come up with a "nice" order for me to stay away from the baby, mostly given that they will be interviewing my ex partner next week and that, needless to say, she is likely to tell them how bad I am and all that (her family will probably also add to the cause).

I am now in touch with the social worker and told her that I am very worried about my baby's health, being with his mum who clearly has some mental health issues, she said she will be interviewing me as well.

Any advice, please, on how to best handle this?

Again, scared to death about being told to keep away from my 5-months' lad (relationship with the mum is now gone and I will be living somewhere else soon, I just care about my baby...).

With (many) thanks in advance,

G

My advice is to do everything the social worker says and stay on side with them, otherwise, (from past experience), they will hound you and make life very difficult. If you feel you cannot work with them, then you have the right to request a new worker. I am sure they will probably just send this to early help, but it may last throughout your child's life if anything escalates and makes them concerned in future. Best of luck.

Dear G81,

Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.

You say in your post that you and your ex-partner have been experiencing difficulties in your relationship. This resulted in an altercation last week in which she dragged you to the floor and you hit her on the leg. She subsequently left to stay at her sister's house and you were both in touch. The next day you were visited by the police and arrested for assault, which resulted in no further action. A referral has now been made to children' services and you are concerned that, despite you and your ex-partner no longer being in a relationship, you will be told to stay away from your 5 month old child. Furthermore, you also have concerns about your ex-partner's mental health. You would like some advice on how to proceed.

A referral has been made to children's services given the nature of the altercation between you and your ex-partner, which may have posed a risk to your child. Children's services have a duty to safeguard children within their local area, and it is therefore likely that they will now want to conduct a children and families assessment of your family's situation. This will involve speaking to you, your ex-partner, and any other relevant agencies involved in your child's life. For more information on what to expect from an assessment, take a look at our advice sheet here.

It is positive that you have acknowledged your role in the altercation and have expressed that it is not in your child's best interests for something like this to occur again. It is important that you work openly with the social worker to express this view and to engage in any support to affect positive change. If you do have any safeguarding concerns about your ex-partner's mental health, you can express this to the social worker. There are a number of outcomes that can come from an assessment, such as no further action, a referral to early help, recommendation that your child is supported on a child in need plan, or if there are concerns that your child has suffered or is at risk of suffering significant harm, children's services may inititate child protection enquiries. You can read more about that here.

In relation to contact, children's services do not have the power to stop you seeing your son, however, they may have some concerns about how this happens. A good place to start is to ask the social worker for support in setting up contact arrangements. Given the recent incident, you may want to suggest that this is supported by friends and family. If you are not happy with the contact arrangements and feel as though the amount of contact you have is unreasonable, you may want to consider applying for a child arrangements order. You can read more about this here.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

Dear Suzie,

Thank you very much indeed for taking the time to get back to me and indeed for the very useful response.

I thought to leave some feedback which others may find useful or perhaps merely as a "data point".

I had an incredibly positive experience with the social worker further to the above described events: she called me just after visiting my ex partner (and of course my son) and was genuinely nice to interact with. She obviously went through a few (mostly "friendly") questions to start with but she made it very clear that she will not be taking any actions as she believes that we can sort this out between ourselves and she found both the baby and the mum in a very good state. She also said that she talked to the Police and she has no concerns whatsoever with me seeing the baby whenever I wish (even though she suggested to take it slow for the first few weeks and she encouraged me/us not to argue whilst with the baby). I really liked her friendly/human attitude and she was even concerned about how am I going through this on my own (no family "down south" and of course unable to see friends etc.).

Yet again, many thanks for the advice and guidance.

G (a relieved dad)

Dear G81

Thank you for your updating post and for sharing your positive experience of working with a social worker.

I am glad to hear that you feel the social worker treated you fairly and that your meeting with her was constructive. It is also good to hear that your baby and his mum were well and it seems there were no concerns about the baby.

It is a good idea to make sure that you receive a written copy of the social worker’s assessment when it is completed and consider any recommendations made including around domestic violence and ensuring safe contact with your baby. If there are any errors or queries with the assessment you should discuss them with the social worker as soon as you can.

If children’s services do not remain involved and if there is any dispute between yourself and your baby’s mum in relation to your contact with him (which must be safe for both) then as suggested initially you could get help with this from friends or family or contact Child Law Advice if you need some private law advice.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie