A happy ending

[Mommyof3]

I wanted to put my story here to give other people hope that not every story where child services is involved has a bad ending where the social worker is out to get you. Maybe I’m lucky but the social worker that was assigned to me was amazing all the way through was nothing but supportive. December 2020 there was an incident myself and partner were arguing and it got heated he did smack my bottom quite hard while I was walking away from him (not in a playful way he lost his temper). I phoned the police and reported him for assault although due to the argument and my children being upset from the argument I did exaggerate to what had happened I was angry with him and regretted exaggerating afterwards but not calling the police I did the right thing to call the police. My partner was arrested and put on a 28 day bail where he could not contact me or the children (he is not the children’s biological father). The bail was dropped a week later and no charges were brought against him. Social services had been in touch about 3 days after the incident the lady who I was informed was “the front door” before being passed to children services was abrupt awful to speak to. I was passed on to child services on the 2nd January. The social worker I spoke to was great from the start she was professional and made it clear she had a job to do but at the same time assured me that she wanted to work with me not against me. I was honest with her about what really happened and explained I had exaggerated on the night but said anyone that places a hand on you in domestic violence and in no way was I trying to downplay tht but wanted to be honest. My self and my partner decided to keep him away from me and the children while the investigation was going on until we knew the outcome and next steps. He found somewhere else to live for that time. (that was our choice but I feel the right one) we spoke through 3 rd party and had no direct contact on phone or in person. Yes I missed him like crazy and felt like o had a rock in my chest permantly but needed to do what was best for the children. I started the freedom programme online course and my partner enquired about starting a course himself (he is still waiting for his start date due to COVID). My social worker has been in touch constantly over phone when ever I required it again she was amazing.
Now 8 weeks after the incident I spoke to my social worker and have been informed she is happy how we have both worked to safe guard the children and the actions I took on the night and during the process to keep the children safe guarded. And that as long as myself and my partner both carry on with our courses she is happy for us to be together as a family and no more involvement needed. I could of cried with happiness it’s been a long 8 weeks from start to this point I have suffered with anxiety, worry, stress. But we can now move on with our lives as a family we are both better educated and hopefully have a happy life together as a family with the children. But my social worker honestly has been great they aren’t all bad and they aren’t all out to get you. My advice would be to be honest work with them not against them there main concern is the children and they want to see that you are doing what you can to safeguard your children and put them 1st. I will always put my children 1st and I have shown that so now I get a chance at a happy ending. I hope this helps someone as when I was reading all I found was doom and gloom but that’s not always the case I guess most people who have a positive outcome don’t take the time to write positive posts. Stay strong there is a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how much it doesn’t seem that way right now.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mommyof 3

Welcome back to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your further posts. I will respond to both of them here.

First of all, thank you for sharing your experiences with the board and for your honesty in describing how you have dealt with the situation and how it has been, for you, working with children’s services. I think you have had mixed experiences in terms of responses from children’s services but what has been consistent is that you recognised their role and that their main concern has always been the welfare of your children and that you have done what you can to protect your children throughout, putting their interests first at all times. It is good that you and your partner were both in agreement for your partner to stay away from the home; I think if you had not put this in place children’s services would probably have asked you to do so.

You and your partner have been willing to remain apart while this process has been happening although you have been open about wanting to resume a relationship when it is safe to do so. You have also been proactive in getting in touch with domestic violence programmes (for victims and perpetrators) and seem determined to complete them – it is really important that both of you do, especially your partner as he must ensure that he does not use violence against you again.

I think you were also proactive in letting your children’s father know what had happened straight away which meant that he did not hear about it first from children’s services. It is also right that the social worker contacted him, we often hear that fathers are not properly informed or involved. When asking if he would be willing to care for the children if need be, this was part of the assessment in case the concerns for your children escalated. If for any reason the children were not safe in your care, children’s service would legally have had to look to their father first. Luckily this was not necessary.

As it seems that children’s services’ involvement is ending, make sure you have a copy of the completed assessment which should confirm this recommendation. If there are any outstanding or ongoing tasks (such as completing the domestic violence courses) do make sure that they are done and also if there is any additional help or support you or the children would benefit from, this is a good time to enquire about it.

It is good to hear that you felt that the social worker ‘worked with you not against you’; I think that this, coupled with your action and attitude, helped a lot. I hope that hearing from you will help other parents too.

Best wishes

Suzie