Mother & Baby Foster Placement From Partners View

[Elcid]

Hi where do I start the story is long dates back to mid May 2020 I use to work in a Shop this girl comes in every now and again to buy stuff she got talking with another member of staff, even though she was pregnant at the time where she did admit to liking me then some days later she comes into the shop and has a huge problem a double whammy of Braxton Hicks and Heat Stroke, I sat her behind the counter keeping a eye on her to let her cool down gave her a bottle of water spoke with her to make sure she was calm as one of my old jobs in the past was a council lifeguard, she cooled down over a time then I walked her home as staff watched over the shop she had told me about some of her problems like social on her back and harsh living conditions where she was in a shared house.

Where hers and her unborn child safety wasn’t always the main concern food was stolen off her to the point I stepped in and said what do you want and I’ll get it you, I will bring it you on a daily basis after finishing at shop the money was never of any concern to me I use to take her on walks not far from her home around a park for we spent most of it sat down on a bench 2-3 hours which I did up to the end of July we both now look at them days as the good old days.

Oh forgot to mention we did make us a thing after about 3 weeks what my main concern was her and her safety because making sure she was fed given liquid an clothes Indirectly helped her child just my clever way to keep social off my back.

At the end of July she was forced by her social worker to sign a section 20 told if she didn’t she would have her child taken from her and she had better sign it, she also had no choice but to go into a mother & baby foster placement as she was a ex foster child herself for reasons I can not disclose but how ever.

With a lot of foul play from how I like to call them her “social bullies” she had her child Aug 4th her “social bullies” always gave her mixed messages of what was happening when things was going to happen, Failed to give her any paperwork oh and did not cater for her disabilities with dyslexia needing paperwork when she was given it was supposed to be on Blue paper she was told they couldn’t get that type of paper, what tosh I know I also know it’s a legal thing that even if it’s not on blue paper she should have everything from reports to minuets of meetings.

From my experience I don’t have a similar situation but this is it way back in 2008 my daughter was put in care because of her mum it took me and my parents a year and half of a custody battle, just to get her out of care and a £31,000 hole in my savings for mine and my parents legal fees ouch I know.

If you now think of the date now that’s a lot of time from Start of August 2020 she never had full on answers from any one kept in the dark, mislead here and there form different information told her by one social worker to the next which in my opinion is getting no information at all, it took me 3 days to type up a Email it was a bit long winded but to the point to send to a Social Services Director to get any answers for my partner, this is how stupid it all was when I had her social workers Manager Email me in a response.

It was me who gave my partner her mobile number to contact as she had been asking for it for almost a year and was refused to be given it every time.

Oh and one other thing I forgot to mention social think it’s ok to say on multiple occasions when someone is stepping up to try be a parental figure or help someone be one, saying things like “your not blood” is totally ok and relevant to ME a (Adopted Person) I’ve still not had my apology and don’t expect to get one we all know how one sided the coin can be.

In the end my partner had to be issued a advocate to act as a 3rd person between her and social but that’s all I’m going to say about this part, since things went in to court well this is where my problems start yes there doing a police check on me but why has the courts ruled for her to have little to non contact with me, they say it’s because of me having a police check but I don’t trust every word that’s said I do have some choice words I would say but I’ll leave that part out.

The only time we get to have a chat now days is when she has gone to the shops or for a walk on her own I text her and she is being watched over by her foster carers like a hawk, we use to have a video chat at night always ended it if she was tired but at least a bit of piece of mind of knowing they was ok either by text an so on in the day, she does feel like she is in a prison all the time so ok as a question is that normal or even legal to stop people’s contact or is it a breach of someone’s life to have social activities separate from her situation.

Not knowing if my partner and child is ok is making me suffer quite a bit worry is a factor as well as stress and my problem where my Insomnia, it has gotten worse I use to sleep for between 5-6 hours a night but now days it’s as bad as 1-3 hours some times I can’t sleep at all, I’m not on any medication for this, I’m just living with it and tolerating it as much as I can.

Now I haven’t even met her child only spoken to her child once where my voice was recognised on the phone smiles wriggles that made me very emotional happy but more determined to try keep hopes for the future.

[Elcid]

The Info I posted early hours of this morning is only basic info to give people the basic idea of what’s going on if a adviser would like the full info, if one has the time to read this rabbit hole of a mess up because this goes a lot deeper than what I’ve disclosed it will most likely rock any ones fragile mind.

I look forward to hearing from a adviser in the mean time any advise on this matter will be hugely great full I’ve done what I can to help my partner, from my experiences of social plus getting her to change solicitors as the one social recommended worked for social services, who never did what was asked of or was said on the tin and failed her greatly.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi where do I start the story is long dates back to mid May 2020 I use to work in a Shop this girl comes in every now and again to buy stuff she got talking with another member of staff, even though she was pregnant at the time where she did admit to liking me then some days later she comes into the shop and has a huge problem a double whammy of Braxton Hicks and Heat Stroke, I sat her behind the counter keeping a eye on her to let her cool down gave her a bottle of water spoke with her to make sure she was calm as one of my old jobs in the past was a council lifeguard, she cooled down over a time then I walked her home as staff watched over the shop she had told me about some of her problems like social on her back and harsh living conditions where she was in a shared house.

Where hers and her unborn child safety wasn’t always the main concern food was stolen off her to the point I stepped in and said what do you want and I’ll get it you, I will bring it you on a daily basis after finishing at shop the money was never of any concern to me I use to take her on walks not far from her home around a park for we spent most of it sat down on a bench 2-3 hours which I did up to the end of July we both now look at them days as the good old days.

Oh forgot to mention we did make us a thing after about 3 weeks what my main concern was her and her safety because making sure she was fed given liquid an clothes Indirectly helped her child just my clever way to keep social off my back.

At the end of July she was forced by her social worker to sign a section 20 told if she didn’t she would have her child taken from her and she had better sign it, she also had no choice but to go into a mother & baby foster placement as she was a ex foster child herself for reasons I can not disclose but how ever.

With a lot of foul play from how I like to call them her “social bullies” she had her child Aug 4th her “social bullies” always gave her mixed messages of what was happening when things was going to happen, Failed to give her any paperwork oh and did not cater for her disabilities with dyslexia needing paperwork when she was given it was supposed to be on Blue paper she was told they couldn’t get that type of paper, what tosh I know I also know it’s a legal thing that even if it’s not on blue paper she should have everything from reports to minuets of meetings.

From my experience I don’t have a similar situation but this is it way back in 2008 my daughter was put in care because of her mum it took me and my parents a year and half of a custody battle, just to get her out of care and a £31,000 hole in my savings for mine and my parents legal fees ouch I know.

If you now think of the date now that’s a lot of time from Start of August 2020 she never had full on answers from any one kept in the dark, mislead here and there form different information told her by one social worker to the next which in my opinion is getting no information at all, it took me 3 days to type up a Email it was a bit long winded but to the point to send to a Social Services Director to get any answers for my partner, this is how stupid it all was when I had her social workers Manager Email me in a response.

It was me who gave my partner her mobile number to contact as she had been asking for it for almost a year and was refused to be given it every time.

Oh and one other thing I forgot to mention social think it’s ok to say on multiple occasions when someone is stepping up to try be a parental figure or help someone be one, saying things like “your not blood” is totally ok and relevant to ME a (Adopted Person) I’ve still not had my apology and don’t expect to get one we all know how one sided the coin can be.

In the end my partner had to be issued a advocate to act as a 3rd person between her and social but that’s all I’m going to say about this part, since things went in to court well this is where my problems start yes there doing a police check on me but why has the courts ruled for her to have little to non contact with me, they say it’s because of me having a police check but I don’t trust every word that’s said I do have some choice words I would say but I’ll leave that part out.

The only time we get to have a chat now days is when she has gone to the shops or for a walk on her own I text her and she is being watched over by her foster carers like a hawk, we use to have a video chat at night always ended it if she was tired but at least a bit of piece of mind of knowing they was ok either by text an so on in the day, she does feel like she is in a prison all the time so ok as a question is that normal or even legal to stop people’s contact or is it a breach of someone’s life to have social activities separate from her situation.

Not knowing if my partner and child is ok is making me suffer quite a bit worry is a factor as well as stress and my problem where my Insomnia, it has gotten worse I use to sleep for between 5-6 hours a night but now days it’s as bad as 1-3 hours some times I can’t sleep at all, I’m not on any medication for this, I’m just living with it and tolerating it as much as I can.

Now I haven’t even met her child only spoken to her child once where my voice was recognised on the phone smiles wriggles that made me very emotional happy but more determined to try keep hopes for the future.

Dear Elcid

Welcome to the board and thank you for outlining your partner’s situation in your two posts.

Firstly I would recommend that you read our advice sheet called Care (and related) proceedings it will give you and your partner some insight into what happens when parents are in court and social workers and other professionals are making decisions for their children.

For your partner, I am sorry to hear that she was experiencing difficulties with her housing situation and that social workers did not explain s20 accommodation to her fully, prior to the birth of her baby. You have said that you have helped her to change her solicitors, I imagine that she is still going through care proceedings or they are coming to an end soon. From what you write your partner’s baby may be six months old; you have said that social workers have expressed concerns about your support to her and her baby; is the baby’s biological father involved in the court case and does your partner have any family members or other friends who are supporting her?

It may be a good idea for you to call us to explain more, particularly the concerns you were unable to write about in this ‘Internet forum’, or you may want to give our confidential helpline number to your partner and she can call for advice. The number is 0808 801 0366, the lines are open Monday to Friday, 9.30am-3.00pm.

Best wishes

Suzie