I'm scared

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Joined: Wed Jun 12, 2019 4:35 pm

I'm scared

Post by €thisy » Tue Jun 30, 2020 1:21 pm

Im scared of my sons foster parents.
Im scared tye social workers have put him at risk by placinhin where he is.
Im scared that my sons placement is going to have a negative effect on his life and confidence.
Im scared.

My son is approaching his tenth Birthday this year.
I cannot describe how much I love snd adore him.

When I found out I was pregnant I was in a womens refuge. I'd seperated from his dad and was in court fighting for his sister to he returned to my care and stay in the family.

I loved being pregnant with him. Having both my daughter and my bump. I was 22 weeks into the pregnancy when I found out.

Unfortunately due to concerns he was removed at 3 days old from the maternity ward of a hospital. By several police officers who stod in the maternity ward discussing weter to use a police protection order or section 20 voluntary accommodation order to remove my baby.

My mum cried on the ward.
I then had taxis taking me to contact centres.

At the intrim care hearing the 'young' social worker pulled me to one side to tell me the foster carers had dropped my not yet week old baby and that it was no concern but he had been in hospital the night before.

I wanted to scream at her. In my mind a thousand times i have launched myself at that pig iggnorant inconsiderant woman scraming.

But we was about to go into court.

In court I told the judge what the social worker had just said.
The judge requested the matter be addresed.
I tried to relate the united nations convention on the rights of a child, that I didn't agree with what we were being put through, that my son was entitled to the same surname as his sisters on his birth certificate. The young social worker had sadism in her eyes.

The foster carer was a mature lady early 40s. Medium build, big tits and slightly bald.
One of them foster carers that you know people have complained about previously. Her look.

She dropped my son off at the contact centres giving quick hand overs and ensuring everything was written down in a to and fro book.

My contact sessions with my kids were my whole world.

My son was born in october. I left the second stage accomodation in November just after my 27th birthday.

I was placed in a spacious newly built flat with nothing. There was no carpet on the floor, no curtains. For the first month or so before the social security support via budgeting loans and allowances came through I was living on microwave dinners with and old non digital telly and a mattress on the floor.

During my pregnancy I'd been attending the local church. With all my pregnancies I attended church.
The want to be a good mum the desire for my partner to make good his word of engagement and marriage.

The church kindly gave me a fridge freezer and a bed. I had a few other bits from budgeting money whilst in the refuge such as a rug. My budgeting loan from the job centre came through and allowed me to purchase white goods. Finally a cooker.

I was seeing both my two youngest children in a family contact centre 4 times a week. I was using public transport to get there as I didn't drive. I took a playmat, age appropriate toys and a ceebeebies dvd. I often allowed the toys to go to the foster carers so there was familiarity of surroundings, sounds, smells.

Then it started.
The foster carer came in saying she'd taken my son swimming. He was so young. I asked her to not fearing any negative effects that may have on my son. She exclaimed it wasn't regularly.
He can now swim 25 metres.

But then a contact supervisor declared that my son was on detinox as he was colicing. The carer had been to the chemist implying it was prescribed.

Ive found these detinox bottles in the pound shop.

I tasted it before putting it I my sons warmed milk bottle. It was worse than vodka. So strong. I cried. I really struggled to put a full syringe of detinox into my sons bottle. It was so strong.

I worry now about my sons apperance about his breathing. I worry alot.

Until 2012 I was seeing my son.
In February 2011 I had to get a job. I gained employment in a warehouse. I worked my rota around my contact sessions. Seeing my two children together was my every breath.

I managed my money and my budget so I could have a carpet fitter out. I choose carpet. My parents helped me paint and put curtains up.

The court hearings continued. There was talks of my youngest daughter going into the same placement as her older sister.

As much as my heart longed for her to be returned to my care and for me to be allowed to see, to mother, to be a part of all my childrens lives it was not looking like that was going to happen straight away.

My eldest daughter was adopted.
She was born admidst tye violence and volatility that our relationship presented.
She was never abused or neglected but the impact of the emotional and pysical abuse within the relationship was enough for the social workers to remove her from the situation.
In the court we was praised for the efforts we'd made. Attending relationship counselling, anger and anxiety awareness courses both working. But there was still reports of domestic violence which with the reality of no family support via family group conferencing meant that a premancy adoptive placement was sought.

Id met the adoptive parents. Letterbox contact was arranged and I remained in a relationship with the same man.

My eldest was just starting infants when her sister went to live with her. I was sent extra letters and extra cards declaring how happy they all were and how the girls were such a positive influence on each other.

My sons foster carers decided they wanted to be considered as adoptive parents. They witnessed the contact sessions where both children had been together. They were approved on attachment basis.

I had my final contact in 2012. Slowly the sessions had been reduced. My employment had changed from a warehouse to a factory. My flat was becoming more of a home. I just had to know address all the finacial issues that my relationship had left me with.

My mum took me to the citizens advice bureau and i entered into a debt management plan via step change. I got back into sports and began driving lessons. In 2013 I returned to full time education.

Through counselling sessions with PAC-UK i ended up following the children and families bill to see it become a new act of law.
I applied to the court for a variation of contact and won.
From 2016 I was allowed to send an up to date photo of myself.

The foster carers had stopped sending me pictures of my son. Just after he turned 5.
This scares me still.
It was around the time of finding a boy on a beach.
I was petrified something had happened.
In counselling sessions an older woman had spoke of her experience and explained how she'd recieved letterbox contact for years and when it came to reunion she was told het daughter had been killed in a road accident and that all these years the letters had just been helping the family grieve.
I cried.

I asked my social workers. There response was lapse.

My letters were still coming. I had photos of the girls horseriding together.
Id love a photo of all 3 of them.

I went back to court.

Ive been back in court almost every year applying for variations to letterbox contact and allowance of direct contact. The judges insistence is that any requests must come from the children.

I approached the BASW an independent explained that my eldest who turns 15 this year may be Gillick Competent. I then discovered research on post adoption contact.

I'm trying so hard.
But all the time this fear.

What was wrong with the foster carer to make her bald?
Why can't I have a photo of all 3 children?
Is the sibling contact going ok?

I long for the day when the court allows direct contact to happen. My request at present is twice a year. It can be one child at a time progressively until the youngest turns 18 in 2028 or with all 3.

I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. And still no up to date photo of my son.
Last year no photo of the girls either.

The torment has led me to seek trauma counselling.

I can't do this.
Im scared.

Any help or advice greatly welcome.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 3267
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: I'm scared

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 06, 2020 4:55 pm

Dear €thisy

Thank you for what you have written about your family history. It seems that you may need to contact the local authority who originally agreed to keep or manage the indirect messages promised to you when your case was first heard in court.

From what you write you have done all that you can to help yourself but you are still scared and like any other parent, this is not unusual. Your new counsellor may be able to help you manage the concerns and worries you have about your son and the fear you have about the foster carers who care for him.

Our advice sheet Contact with children in care may be useful to you and our advice sheet about Duties on Children’s Services when children are in the care system.

It may also be a good idea to speak with the independent reviewing officer (IRO) as they will have an overview of your child’s care situation. This document tells you about the role of the IRO from the children’s perspective, and here is a link to an organisation that may be able to give you some advice about advocacy for children in care, they are called the National Youth Advocacy Service (NYAS).

I hope this is useful.

Best wishes


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