Please help :(

[Stressedmun05]

Hi all,
I don't know if u can help me but here goes. I have 4 children and my daughter is diagnosed with ADHD ODD , touretts, ticks and asd. My youngest is showing signs of ADHD (9 years) lately he has become aggressive and lashed out at me for the second time I ended up covered in bruising and a swollen eye. And my daughter while trying to help got a small cut to her finger. I went into the school the first time he lashed out and said what had happend and his class teacher said he is disruptive in class can not concentrate and if very fidgitty. So I asked her about him being referred to the hospital and she agreed. She then spoke to the senco and the senco said she wants to put him into a support group at school based on emotions (fine by me) but there is no space until after Christmas at the earliest. So I kept asking for the senco to give me a appointment to go in and speak to her for things I can do for him at home but she didnt ring... So move on 3 weeks and that's when he went agressive again and caused me to have a black swollen eye. And his sister's finger to get hurt. So the next day a Monday I went in and spoke to his teacher and I broke down in tears feeling like no one was listening or helping me due to now 8 requests for the senco to ring me. So I told his teacher I'm going to take him to the gp that day to try and get him some help. So she told me to ask about a referral for ADHD witch I said ok and she said she would let the senco know I had been in. A few hours later the phone rang and it was the school. A teacher saying she had seen that I had been in the school and had a rough weekend with my son. So I explained what had happened and that he had a doctor appointment that afternoon and she again said get a assessment set up for ADHD. So I took him to the doctor and asked for help. The doctor spoke to my son and then the doctor said he needs a referral. The next day I spoke to the school again and explained what had happened and she said she was going to inform social services as they can offer more help then the school can so I said ok (to be honest I'll take the help) so Wednesday they phone and say they have had a referral come thro and would like to come see me and the kids so I agreed and she came through. She met the kids and all seemed to be ok. Then she said she was a child protection social worker. And she wants to do a assessment. So I was a bit shocked but arranged for her to come back while the kids was at school so that way it would be easier to talk. She then phones on the Friday and has a complete different attitude on the phone asking why would I not speak to her with the kids around so I explained that my daughter and my son take everything to heart and get distressed easily. She seemed really grumpy about that and then went on to say " do you actually know why I have been called" so I said yes because you can offer me support for my children that people like Banardos can not do. And she replied well we need to have a serious talk on Tuesday. And put the phone down.... I am going out of my mind with worry. I have done nothing wrong. But I dont understand why they would send a child protection social worker to see me and my kids she is coming back tomorrow and I'm going out of my mind. I was told by the school this is voulentry and I don't have to work with them but the fact she is a child protection social worker is making me think differently. I've since been into the school and finally had a appointment with the senco who told me every parent wants a label for there child. No they dont I told her I just want him to have the help and support he deserves. She said he has anxiety and a emotional attachment issues towards me ( I know he does because he never wants to leave my side) and finally she has sent off a referral to chams and to the hospital for a ADHD assessment. But this social worker is really scaring me. I'm not eating sleeping I'm crying. I'm so worried. Any advice would be brilliant. Please... is it normal for a child protection person to come out ? I'm doing everything I can. I'm sorry it's so long but I dont have anyone I can ask for help or support thankyou for any help

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Stressedmun05

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

In your post you have indicated that you are worried by the fact that the social worker who has been allocated to your case, following a referral to children's services regarding your 9 year old son, is a child protection social worker.

You are concerned about your son’s behaviour and believe that he is showing signs of ADHD and you are seeking support for him. A referral was made to children’s services by your GP after he had an opportunity to speak with your son. The doctor would not have made a referral unless he had concerns about your son and, having received a referral, children’s services have to duty to decide what action they will take. It appears that the decision made was that the referral had to be followed up which led to the social worker making an initial contact with you and then meeting with you and your children.

I have included here a copy of our advice sheet An introductory guide to Children’s Services which will help you to understand the steps that children’s services should take in dealing with your case.

Normally, children’s services carries out an assessment of the family’s needs and to ensure that children are safe in their family. I do not know the reasons the doctor gave for the referral but this is likely to have been the basis on which a decision was made regarding the assessment to be carried out. Your worry is that the social worker said she is a child protection social worker, you do not say that she is carrying out a child protection assessment, so it may be that she is from that team and she has been asked to work with you. You will see from the advice sheet above that the social worker should explain and be transparent about the work to be carried out.

The school has informed you that working with children’s services is voluntary and whilst this is correct in situations where you are offered support after children’s services has carried out an assessment, we would advise that parents cooperate with children’s services. Please see our advice sheet relating to Family support. You do not have to accept the support offered but would be expected to put the same or similar support to that offered in place. Children’s services would be concerned if they assessed a need for a child or children and support is not accepted. This could lead to them decided to move from a child in need situation to child protection.

Depending on the concerns that children’s services have on receipt of a referral, a decision may be taken that child protection enquiries need to be undertaken. You may find it helpful to read our advice sheet Child protection procedures for more information.

You are able to ask questions of the social worker regarding the assessment to be carried out and anything else that you do not understand about their involvement. I think this would be the best course rather than being worried about the fact that the social worker said she is a child protection social worker. I can understand your concerns as no one wishes to have child protection enquiries but, at the moment, you are not sure what assessment is to be carried that is, child in need for support or child protection, so it is best to seek clarity from the social worker.

It might be helpful for you to speak with one of our adviser and, should you wish to do so, please telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie