I guess this is where I start??

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I guess this is where I start??

Post by Mum23 » Thu Apr 11, 2019 11:35 am

Hello All.
I've been married for 18 years 3 girls (8) (9) (16).
All same biological father.
Both full time workers, no previous CS contact.
Eldest daughter gets involved with a boyf, to which Dad disagrees. This boyf has an older sister who had her father removed by CS due to sexual abuse.
Being a rebelious teen and thinking her boyf is the be all and end all, our daughter, persuaded by the boyf (Jan 2019) decided to tell her teacher that her own 'Dad touches her up'
Husband was arrested but bailed because he is deaf and they could not find a sign language interpreter. (He was held in custody for 24 hours without even knowing why he'd been arrested) I was called in to release him and sign to him the reason for his arrest.
Our daughter spoke to the police again and said she thinks she made a mistake.
They found an interpreter a month later but due to communication breakdown the interview was cancelled and all charges were dropped against him, under the terms 'No evidence to say he did this and No evidence to say he didn't'. CS advised he stays away from the family home.
Our daughter told SW that she was confused by her boyf and made a mistake but she said the SW replied by saying she was 'sticking up for her mum' and so in fear that I would get in trouble aswell she just decided to go along with it and stay quiet.
It took 7 weeks to get supervised contact in place also because of sign language interpreter issues.
Finally after charges dropped CS agreed him to see the children with me and my mum as supervisors and said they could see him as and when he wants as long as we were there.
An initial CP meeting was booked for 20th March but was cancelled on the 18th of March due to.... you guessed it, no correct interpreter booked, they have moved the date now to 24th April and we just feel like we've been held up in the air for so long.
Husband feels discriminated against even the SW said "if he was normal, the meeting would have gone ahead as planned"
The 2 youngest are distraught, don't understand why Daddy just left one night and cannot come home. They were perfectly fine before and now are emotionally disturbed by all of this.
I guess what I am now asking is...
Can they really force me and my husband to split over a false allegation?
Will he ever get to come home again?
Can they really justify making the younger 2 suffer?
Are they treating him fairly under the discrimination act?
Can I fit all these meetings and new contact rules in around a normal working family life?

I've done my best to give you all the info, however if you need me to clarify anything else so you can assist me, please do... I'm just way above my head and none of this makes any sense.

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Re: I guess this is where I start??

Post by QuestionMark » Sun Apr 14, 2019 6:54 pm

Hello, I really hope Suzie replies to your questions asap as I don't have answers to your questions and I'm so so sorry this has happened to your family. Just food for thought; it sounds that your oldest may have been manipulated by her boyfriend which isn't healthy at all so I think that relationship in itself is cause for concern. It's my understanding that a child protection plan should be put in place though and possible resolutions approach by CS but Suzie will advised much better than I, I'm just another parent stuck in a mess xx

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Re: I guess this is where I start??

Post by Mum23 » Mon Apr 15, 2019 7:11 am

Thanks for your reply, I'm sure she will answer when she can.
Sometimes it's just nice to hear your not alone and I hope your 'mess' also comes to a conclusion soon too.

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Re: I guess this is where I start??

Post by Questioning19 » Sun Apr 21, 2019 10:47 pm

Hi Mum23, I'm really sorry to read about your situation and I know what you mean when saying they impose these draconian rules over an allegation, with no proof at all, because your child happens to say something at school to get momentary attention. I know from experience it doesn't matter if they take it back; the initial allegation is enough to unleash the machine, so to speak. And I know how it feels for these measures to be dragged on for weeks on end because the system has no efficiency in dealing with things quicker so innocent people can get on with their lives.
They do not care if people are innocent and their whole families are traumatised by these "safety plans" which upturn their lives. They do not care about prolonging something like this unnecessarily; for them, people are boxes to tick and nothing more.

I am no expert but I do think the charges being dropped will help massively. Morally and logically it should have been the end of it, then and there, but unfortunately that's not how the system works. You need to jump through their hoops regardless of the mental strain it is putting on your family, or at least that's how they see it. It's no longer the actual needs of our families that come first, especially the emotional ones (although that is their stated mission), but how quickly they can "process" us, and due to them being so busy (partly due to a large number of false allegations, I imagine) it can take ages.

I wish you the best of luck. Try to stay positive and confident (any less will also trigger their "concerns"). It is indeed terrible that the system puts us in this very stressful situation and then judges us on how we react to it, as if someone could be in their best emotional state while going through the worst time of their life.

There are other things related to discrimination we could discuss but I'd feel safer doing so privately if you want.

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Re: I guess this is where I start??

Post by Mum23 » Tue Apr 23, 2019 12:16 pm

Thanks, your replynis very helpful, you can message me directly on here in regards to the discrimination element, I may not reply straight away, I'm tied up in my crazy little world right now, but anything anyone can offer is useful.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: I guess this is where I start??

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Apr 24, 2019 5:35 pm

Dear mum23,

Welcome to the Parents Board and I am sorry for the delay in responding to you.
I am sorry to hear about the difficulties experienced by your family.

Children services have called a child protection conference-though very delayed. I can also see that your husband has had to move out of the family home until assessments are being completed.

I am sorry to hear that the police and children services struggled to find an appropriate interpreter for your husband. I can see how worrying it must have been for him to be locked up without knowing why, for such a long period. Not only that, the police investigation was not actually completed as your husband was not able to respond to the criminal allegations. You contend that your daughter’s boyfriend had forced your daughter to make the allegations as a way to remove the barrier of her father. Was this explanation given to the police? Was her boyfriend interviewed?

It may not be fair to your daughter either, if her allegations were not fully investigated due to a lack of an interpreter.

The police investigation (they have more powers than children services and your husband would have had legal representation) would have also fed into Children services assessments. Without this, was the children services assessment delayed as well?

The Initial child protection conference meeting was taking place today.

What was the outcome of the conference? Were child protection plans made? Please see our information about child protection plans . Also look at our FAQ’s.

If there are Child protection plans, then this means the professionals at the conference “suspect” that your younger girls “have suffered significant harm or are likely to suffer significant harm”. They may have said that until further assessments are done in respect of your husband, they will have to treat him as a potential abuser of children until they know otherwise.

As mum you will be expected to “protect” your daughters from dad’s possible risk. This means it is important that you cooperate with any plan put in place. For example, to continue to supervise dads contact and not allow him to be alone with the girls. It may seem unfair-if dad is innocent. But children services cannot risk your girls being abused in case he is in fact a risk.

The plans should list the support that is being provided to protect the girls. Is dad going to be assessed by a specialist?
What support or courses are being offered to you around safety and protection of the girls? You could look at
Parents Protect website or the NSPCC courses for you and self- protection work that the girls could do.

If the conference decided the girls were not at risk of suffering sexual abuse, either because you were fully cooperating- so dad was always being supervised by you at all times ,or because there is no evidence against dad, then the conference may say there would be no plan or child in needs plans (with your consent). Here is information about child in need plans.

In answer to your questions.

You ask about children services stopping dad coming home.
Children services need to complete any assessments and may also want a specialist assessment of dad. Whether they ask you to remain separated will depend on the outcome of the assessments. Ask for timescales.

They cannot force you to separate as you are both adults. Only, if they had evidence that you were not protecting your daughters (from dad’s possible risk) they could escalate things via the legal route and seek the courts permission to remove the girls from you. As part of this process, they would need to show that they had carried out appropriate assessments and offered you and dad support to keep your daughters safe. You would also both have access to free legally aided solicitor to advice you.

Your post outlines some of the difficulties suffered by dad due to delay in getting him an interpreter, both by the police and children services. He may have suffered discrimination. He should speak to his criminal solicitor and the Disability Law Service may also be able to advise him.

I can see how you might certainly have real difficulty working and also supervising contact and attending meetings related to the children services involvement.
It is important to raise this with the social worker. If there is a child protection plan, there will be core group meetings, the social worker will be under a duty to see and speak to your girls alone and there should be further assessments and support around how to protect against sexual abuse.

You have grandmothers support. Is there anyone else in the family who could be assessed to supervise contact? A family group conference can be helpful to enlist support from your network during this time? See our advice sheet about Family group conferences.

I hope this advice helps. To discuss in depth you could contact our confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. If you have any questions please post again.

Kind regards,


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Re: I guess this is where I start??

Post by Mum23 » Wed Apr 24, 2019 9:16 pm

Thanks Suzie,
The conference was quite positive really, all the professionals decided we score an average of about 6 / 7 with the current plan in place except the SW who said a 5 was more appropriate.
All the professionals opted for CIN where as the SW again went for CP plan, the final outcome was CIN, however they want to perform a PPPR assessment on both me and Dad, the police however said an score of 8 was there opinion as they are happy charges are dropped.
I asked for extra support for the girls and requested other family friends to also supervise might help release the pressure off my mum.
I guess our journey to become a united family starts now.
Me and hubby will do whatever it takes to piece our family back together again.
It's going to be a long road, I just hope he can be reunited with us soon.
The Boyf was interviewed and I don't know what his say on this matter was.
My girls really miss Daddy and we all want him home where he belongs.

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Re: I guess this is where I start??

Post by JS3120 » Sun Apr 26, 2020 12:49 am

Hi I know your post is a year old but only just joined, how are things now?

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