Help needed

[Stepmonster]

Hi,

I need some help/advice from anyone who's been in a similar position. I'm stepmum to two beautiful children - 5 and 9. On Wednesday last week, I got a call from my partner to say he'd been arrested on suspicion of attempting to meet a child under 16 following grooming. He's been speaking to the sister of one of his daughter's friends (aged 15) on facebook - nothing sexual (and the girl's statement even says nothing sexual was discussed and he never tried to meet her), but they've seized all of his digital devices and he's on bail. He's unable to have unsupervised contact with any children under the age of 16, which is destroying all of us. The solicitor has advised that, because the allegation is classed as pretty low down as far as risk goes, this is likely to go on for 6-8 months. CPS have made contact with the children's mother, but only to say they'll set up a meeting. I don't know how to carry on like this, or how we try to get any sense of normality while this is ongoing? I'm terrified he'll be charged, as we'll lose everything.

Any advice much appreciated.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Stepmonster,

Welcome to the Parent’s Forum. I am sorry to hear how difficult things have been since your partner’s arrest. I assume he had to move out of the family home -until children services have assessed him. Is he allowed contact with his own children?

Mum has been contacted by the CPS. Do you know what her views are about the children? Are they to stay living with you? Do you have legal parental responsibility for them? Have a look at our advice sheet about parental responsibility . See page 12 about step parents seeking parental responsibility?

You are after as much information as possible about your situation.

For advice about what might be happening on the police side of things you could contact the Just stop it now helpline on 0808 1000 900.
Dad’s solicitor does not seem too worried and has suggested the criminal side of the investigation will be over 6 to 8 months.

We can give advice about children services.
Children services will also be waiting on the outcome of the criminal investigation. While it is ongoing they will want to be sure that the children are safe and well cared for with you.
Children services are likely to carry out an assessment to check that you are able to protect the children from dad’s possible risk to them.

Here is information about assessments .

The assessment can be wide ranging and quite intrusive. For example, the social worker will expect to speak to the children alone-away from parents and may want to see where the children sleep. She will want to get in touch with the children’s school, GP and any other professionals involved with them. She should ask for the consent of a parent with parental responsibility.

Decisions will be made about such things as contact between the children and dad-should this take place, if so does it need to be supervised in the short term. They may consider you as someone who supervise contact. The assessment will also consider whether children’s services need to stick around –for example, will there be a child in need plan or child protection plan?

My advice, is to cooperate with the assessment. If you do not understand any aspect of it, you should speak to the social worker. Here is information about working with a social worker.

I hope this advice helps but please post back if you have any questions.

Best wishes,
Suzie.