Grandmother not letting me have my daughter back.

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Joined: Mon Sep 25, 2017 12:56 am

Grandmother not letting me have my daughter back.

Post by ProudMum22 » Mon Sep 25, 2017 4:54 pm

Hey, I'm new and really need some help.

In 2014 I found myself depressed and in disparate need of getting out of my abusive relationship.

I left him and he didn't leave me. I tried to kill myself by taking up to 12 painkillers and drinking some vodka. (I know it's wrong but I was suffering with the loss of my son in 2012) I had a small child. I called her dad up and asked him to come and get up although he was the reason I was so sad. He collected her and I went to the hospital mortified at what I had done. I was only sick once and was so sorry for what I had done.

When in the hospital I was contacted by child services. We spoke about my daughter staying with her father for a two week period so I could just get myself back up. He was happy for this to happen.

Then a social worker become involved. A bad one. She knew I worked nights and would turn up unanounced and walk into my home and shout up my stairs as if I wasn't in hell already. I was 19 and I didn't know that what she was doing was out of her role.

So about a week past and I was still seeing my daughter and taking her out spending time with her.
I got a phone call from my ex saying that the social worker had told him and his mum who he was living with at the time, that I'm not to bed left alone with her I'm a bad mum and my case is closed.

I tried to call, every day I spoke to someone new. She never got back to me. They said I need legal advice but I could not afford a solicitor. I didn't know I could get legal aid.

But then my ex stopped contact, he blocked my number and his mum moved house I didn't know how to find them and social workers were not going to help me. (Me and his mum fell out when her daughter slagged her off a year before hand and then when I stuck up for her turned on me and said she didn't need sticking up for)

I found his mum on Facebook and she told me that my daughter lives with her now.

Anyway moving forward it went to court. I moved out my flat got a new boyfriend and got a new flat. The cafcass worker was really bias. She had already met with my exs mother and was icy to me.. she told me it's my fault and I should of been banging on doors to find my daughter. My ex told me if I do that he will smash my face in. So what was I to do? Really dumb and young I should of done more. Anyway she said I had no family support. My family were told that the court will put Chang daughter in care if she dosnt go to my exs mum so they all said they don't talk to me and that she is better off living with her not care but didn't mention me at all as they just didn't know it wasn't an option if care. I Didn't want to talk to them after that I felt betrayed.

Anyway the court granted a prohibited steps order as my ex said I had threatened to beat him up and steal my daughter. Lies...

Then they give his mum a recidency order as he didn't want her to live with him either and was on side for her to have my daughter. I got two days with her a week with her being the one to grant me more acsess. She did over time let me have over night stays and now I have her for two nights if the week but one of the days is after school then home before school.

She's taken my child on holiday and FaceTime date me when she was away. The children were playing around cannabis plants.

I've had another child and asked for my daughter to come back to me as I've done nothing but improve my life. Promoted at work, then changed jobs etc

She won't let her come back, she's not going to, my daughter has also told me her dads house stinks of smelly fags and he just smokes all the time. She has to share a bed with him when she stays at his house in shared housing.

I can't afford court as I've just come off maternity and gone to a lower paid job with less hours. What can I do? I need her to be with me safe.

My daughter brakes down and cries every time I have to take her back. She's heart broken and begs me to keep her and tell her nan she wants to live with me. She's 5 and needs her mummy. I just need some advice if non bias content....

We even tried mediation but they brought my daughter and I just cried and emotionally couldn't cope with it. The court told me that I would get her back and this was not forever. His mum told me I could have her back when she is 4.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Grandmother not letting me have my daughter back.

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Sep 28, 2017 1:57 pm

Dear Proudmum22,

Welcome to the Parents Forum.
I can see what a difficult time you had when your daughter was a baby. This resulted in children services becoming involved and your baby being placed with dad and grandmother. I cannot understand why more was not done for you, as a young mum, by children’s services. it sounded like they "protected" your daughter but then didn't help you to access support for your mental health and consider the support you needed to keep you in the life of your daughter and whether she could have been rehabilitated back to you.

The fact that dad very quickly gave up the care of his daughter to grandmother, also suggests that he may not have been fully assessed at the time. He may have needed more support as well.
Since that time, children services are no longer involved with either your 4 year old daughter or your new baby and you have to be commended for this. You now have 2 out of 7 days with your daughter. You would like to increase this, or have full care of her again.

The way forward would be to consider applying to the court for a child arrangements order for residence.
A mediation (MIAM) appointment may be needed first.
To find out more about mediation, have a look at the Family Mediation Council.
If mediation did not work, or was not suitable, the mediator would then sign a form to give you authority to apply for a child arrangements order.
For detailed advice about private children law proceedings, and what might be the chances of your daughter coming home to you, you could contact the Rights of Women or child law advice .

You mention possible child protection concerns about dad and about seeing cannabis plants in photos.
Have you raised these issues with the grandmother? What can she do to protect? Is she concerned about your daughter? If this is not something you want to do, you could speak to the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000
Best wishes,


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