Legal Obligations of non PR dad

[jolleee]

Just wondering if any1 knows the legal obligations of a dad with no PR? Me and my partner split a lot of years ago and we have both moved on and have new families now. I still had contact with the daughter we had together and in January she came to live with me because of a bad situation at home,her mother couldnt cope with her behaviour. We can no longer cope with my daughters behaviour,lies,accusations and violent outbursts on a full time basis and are trying to get my ex partner to enter a shared care arrangment. She says because my daughter now lives with me its 100% my problem and wont have her back at all. I have 2 other children in the house,one is twelve and the other is two and a half and im worried about their safety.Me and my partner feel totally trapped,can my ex partner do this to me and just wash her hands of all responsibility?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello Jolleee

Welcome to the parents discussion board. My name is Suzie and I am an adviser at Family Rights Group.

Your ex partner has Parental Responsibility (PR) for your daughter. This means that she is legally responsible for your daughter’s upbringing, care and wellbeing. PR cannot be removed or given away (except when a child is adopted) although it can be shared between a number of parties.

As you do not have PR for your daughter, you do not share the same legal responsibilities for your daughter although, clearly, your moral responsibility for her is shared.

Practically speaking, however, it is very difficult to force a parent with PR to exercise that responsibility and get involved with their child if they don’t want to. Although it is possible for the family court to make a joint residence order for a child, they will not make such an order if your ex partner is not wanting/ applying for this.

A mediation service may be a useful option to try to engage your ex and encourage her to become more involved in your daughter’s care. Alternatively, you may consider approaching children’s services for some support.

Children’s services are responsible for assessing “children in need” in their area and providing support services where appropriate. In extreme situations, they are able to accommodate a child or young person with their parent’s consent although they are generally reluctant to do this in situations such as yours.

It may be worth asking children’s services to set up a “family group conference”
(FGC) regarding your daughter. Again, this may be a way of engaging your ex partner in discussions about your daughter’s care.

I hope this is helpful Jolleee. Please do post again and let us know how things are going and if you have any further questions.

Best Wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser

[jolleee]

Well had the family group meeting yesterday and had come to an agreement with my ex that she would have my daughter 4 nights a week and i would have her 3 nights. This was not agreeable with my daughter who said she didnt want to stay with me anymore, on more than 5 occasions she stated this as the social worker tried to talk her round. I had also asked previously to see my daughters notes as i was aware of previous social services contact with my daughter when she was living with my ex. In the past i had no access to these notes as i dont have PR.My ex agreed that i could have a copy and I was shocked that there were various instances of self harm,accusations,violent outbursts and even an assault on her 4 year old brother. The final outcome was that my ex couldnt cope with my daughter full time and that she would have her 4 nights a week with the other 3 nights in restbite care. All partys agreed to this.Well that night my daughter went to her mams house to stay over and instantly picked a fight and i had a call from my ex stating that she felt as tho she was back to square 1. That night after reading my daughters notes again i decided that that for safeguarding issues with my other children i was unwilling to accept my daughter back for 3 nights even if she changed her mind.

Well today the phone rang and it was social services saying that a manager had said they would not accomodate my daughter and that she would have to come and stay with me.Even tho she stated so many times at the meeting she didnt want to stay with me? I stated that after reading my daughters notes and talking things thru with my parter i was unwilling to have her 3 nights anymore as the safety of my 2 other children is my priority and she has a history of violence including assaulting her 4 year old brother who she punched and kicked.I have been invited to another meeting tomorrow at the local social services office but i feel if i go it will just be to try and pressure me into taking her back even tho she doesnt want to come back and i now dont want her back. Social services are well aware of her violent/bad behaviour/self harming past but seem to still be happy to house her at my house with 2 vunerable young children.It seems as though neither me or my ex can cope with my daughter but social services are unwilling to accomodate her.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Jolleee
It sounds like Children's Services are not honouring the plan that was agreed at the FGC, so you should ask for an urgent review meeting - and the coordinator should have the authority to agree a plan that will be accepted by Chidlren's Services. To state the obvious, it's no good agreeing a plan at an FGC if Children's Services won't implement the plan.

[jolleee]

My ex phoned me up today in tears after social services had visited her. She said that they told her we had to sort our daughters accomodation between ourselves. They told her if she wasnt accomodated the police would be called and we would both be arrested for abandonment and assesments would be carried out on our other children and they maybe be taken away. As i dont have PR can they still arrest me for abandonment and assess my care of my other children? I wish i had never called social services in the first place now,this situation seems to be snowballing out of control

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Jolleee

It is completely inappropriate for a social worker to speak to a parent in this way and I would suggest that you and/ or your ex have grounds for a serious complaint.

Technically, a parent could be arrested for abandonment if they refuse to accommodate and care for their child. This is a decision for the police however and, in our experience, the police are reluctant to become involved in such matters in circumstances such as yours. This is particularly relevant since children’s services initially agreed the need for them to accommodate your daughter on a part time basis. It sounds as though the social worker is simply making a threat, which is not appropriate.

Regarding yours and your ex partner’s other children, children’s services could assess them if they felt that there was reason to believe they were at risk of significant harm. Children’s services would need to demonstrate how this threshold is met, however, and, from what you have described, it sounds as though this is simply a further threat.

It is unprofessional and unreasonable for the social worker to be using threats in this way and does not seem to bear any relation to what is in your daughter’s best interests.

Have you been able to speak to the FGC co-ordinator to request a review?

I would also suggest that you ask for a meeting with the social worker and a manager to discuss your serious concerns about the way your daughter’s case is being handled. It would be advisable to put something in writing to them

• Emphasise that you are trying to work in partnership with the local authority to make a plan that is in the best interests of your daughter
• Set out the plan that was agreed at the FGC
• Indicate that, while you are not refusing to have your daughter in your home, this is clearly not possible at the moment given the strong opinions she expressed at the FGC
• Request an urgent meeting to address your concerns and agree an appropriate way forward to meet your daughter’s needs

I am sorry that you are having this experience Jolleee. Can you update us how things are now following the weekend?

Best Wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser

[jolleee]

Well the threats certainly worked on my ex and she reluctantly accepted to take our daughter back full time untill the FGC review on the 18th. My daughter is still saying she doesnt want to stop with me but wants to go back to seeing me twice a week with no stopovers. Will keep you updated if i hear anymore before the 18th.