The future for me and her

[HopingMamu]

Hello.
It’s been a while since I’ve sought advice. After I withdrew my case to discharge a care order, the status quo is the same. I still miss her madly and her me. We both still want to reside together but we know it’s not possible currently.
Can I refer to something which children’s services manager said to me whilst the case was active.
“We can talk, but not whilst you are in court”
After I withdrew the case- his words gave me comfort and I thought maybe going down the court route had muddied the waters and after a 6 month stability period, I could approach the LA to see what their reunification policy is. Whilst thinking about this… I get intrusive thoughts about things reported and said by professionals
Ie- current placement is stability for the first time! You have not been well long enough or she’s been there too long. Recently my daughter has had her 7th new social worker. A glimmer of hope was felt because the last one was so obtuse.i was away for the last lac review as it was my birthday. I was not sent any minutes and the new social worker attended via link. I’m wondering how to approach her, to meet her.
Obviously I don’t want to hit her with a request about the reunification policy at the first contact. It has all gone quiet… no updates from IRO either.
I have noticed that my daughter seems defeated, does not want to talk about living with me again (yet wants to be here)
I feel she thinks I just don’t want
Want the trouble or it won’t work etc. I also don’t know what is being said by other people. When I say defeated, she says things like ‘carer hates me’
Ofcourse I’m horrified and ask how she feels about that and she says she doesn’t care. It’s like she’s made a stone of her little heart.
As for me, I’m starting to feel an immense guilt about becoming unwell and feeling it’s all my fault. Me neglecting my mental health lead to the ruin of our lives. I’ve built it back
Up again, but it’s not recognised. I’m thinking it should be a year before approaching with intent so maybe start the ball rolling after Christmas. Would it be a good idea to set my intentions now? They already know I want her home, so does it start with more contact? I’m well aware that FRG can shed some light on the these things.
Best wishes

[VD2ER]

I have read your previous posts and can't see, or have missed, your daughter's age.

How old is she? This is critical as her wishes should be given greater consideration with age.