Advice

[Featheredowl]

My question is when does safe guarding become harassment. My partner was drunk and abusive in 2024, police called, social involved. He / we did everything they said and case was closed. Since then the school have stopped dad collecting the children saying he was too under the influence to look after them. Social called again. This was proven nonsense as I'd called a friend who knows us both to collect my children and she said dad wasn't drunk and was fully in controll. Then after that We had a malicious call from someone, they wouldn't say who. Again case closed no concerns.
Now school have called them on us again this time stating abuse!! This was before the bank holiday and they called monday and said my son had said something in school which needed investigating. OK fine come see us we've nothing to hide.
School also told me on the phone unless dad had a chaperone they wouldn't release my children to him as they've decided he seams intoxicated on the days our friend accompanies dad to stay and play, she goes for our children as I'm working amd so dad has abit of back up alone at the school, NOT because he is drunk!
Had a call Tues from social while I was in work and asked her to call back in an hour once I'd finished. We've heard absolutely nothing since!? Ive asked for copies of what my son did/said and with what teacher as I obviously don't want him coerced but feel it may have been. Ive asked my son and recorded the conversation at the time the school said they were reporting my family and hes told me nothing happened. He also has no memory of anything hes done in school (with whatever teacher it was) about what things are like at home so I feel he was either coerced or someone has done it for him. Dad is a functioning alcoholic as in he does deink every day but, he doesn't drink before 11am and manages what he drinks so he is in control of himself and our children. Weve seen other parents at the school with cans of gin at 9am yet nothing is ever said to them! Also school have said other parents have asked 'what are you doing about that?' Reffering to dad and our kids but wont tell me what apparent parent it was, neither will tell me what was said to them in return. If the school have told them a report will be sent is that not confidential? I feel very confident it has been verbally said but i have no proof. What do I do now?

[VD2ER]

I thought I would put in my 2-pennies worth.
The issue is that your partner’s behaviour is an unknown and that history repeats itself. It sounds as if he is not in the right place to quit.

1) You can offer to provide the school with a breathalyser that is certified for use in France. Allow this to be used where there is a concern he may be drunk. You can buy them on Amazon and have it delivered directly to the school to remove any risk of tampering.
2) I’m sorry but drunks are notorious for making claims to lessen perceptions of drunken behaviour. They may also appear fully in control. This is how the school and SS will view your partner.
3) I can record calls on my phone and suggest you ensure you can do the same. Most UK phones deliberately prevent the other side being recorded so choose the phone wisely.
4) You could make a written request to understand the nature of the referral. However, to me it sounds the school is erring on the side of caution and SS aren’t treating as serious, perhaps best to allow sleeping dogs lie.
5) The school will not provide the name of anyone who makes an accusation. That might change if there is a court hearing with papers that references the complaint.

Try and put yourself in the eyes of the Social Workers and the school. A police incident two years ago and the need for SS involvement is never closed. All you/he can do is earn the trust of the school and SS.