Child services

[Terrifiedparent]

Update from Thursdays meeting...
I have all the paperwork stating my partner can move home, SS suggested phased but have said its entirely up to us what we want to do as there are no restrictions.
SW will still be involved but she stated this is only for 5 weeks to make sure the transition is going OK and then she will sign us off.
A huge weight has been lifted and I feel like I can finally live my life again!
Just 4 more years left on sor and shpo then we can move on completely.
It's been a long 4 years for us but we have done it!

[Winter25]

So happy for you , well done. Light is at the end of the tunnel

[Terrifiedparent]

It really is, first time in 4 years ive managed to relax!
Our little one is over the moon that he doesn't have to leave at night now. We have decided to do a phased return but only because I think from 4 years apart to full time might be a huge change for the little one so we are doing this weekend and will build it up gradually over the next couple of weeks.
Again winter thank you for your help and for explaining things properly...all the legal terms really do mess with your head!

[Winter25]

You are very very welcome, This is why I do this, because I have been there. I am also slowly getting my daughter home after years. I just want to pass on the education and info i have learnt along the way.. Fear is the issue in all of this. Once you stop being scared and learn what is Fact, Fiction and what laws must be obey. It all becomes clear. Wish you all the happiness in the world. Move on, forget the past build a better future!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Terrifiedparent

Thank you for your updating posts. This is Suzie, Family Rights Group online adviser. It is great to hear that your family situation has moved forward very positively and that children’s services agree with you that your partner can safely return home which is what you have been working towards. You have sensibly suggested a phased return, to help your child manage the transition.

I can see that you have been posting on this board since 2022, when your partner was first arrested and children’s services first became involved. I hope that the advice and support you have received along the way from parents and advisers has helped. Your posts also help other parents understand processes and hopefully provide reassurance that working hard to address the concerns while engaging with children’s services can lead to a positive outcome.

Well done.

If you need further advice about children’s services, then do post back or contact the service via one of the other options linked to here.

Wishing you all the best.

Suzie

[Sleepknot]

We have our conference tomorrow.

The report made by SS based on the meetings they've had with us was okay, but there seemed to be a lot of mix ups and things they've potentially taken the wrong way or misunderstood. We've been through and highlighted the areas we feel need to be rectified, where errors have occurred etc so hopefully this might help clarify a couple of things.

Their thoughts at the moment as base line as expected, no unsupervised contact, cant live in same place etc, but in general the restrictions are based on online behaviours which we think we can come up with several ways to manage. They also have concern for the potential of contact offence, but there isn't much on this in the report based on conversations, so I'm hoping they're going to do one of the assessments (I can't remember which) on my partner so it can be determined if he poses a threat officially. I'd like to know how we can be referred to as many of these type of things as possible during the process as I feel like they would be helpful, but outside of a referral from SS it either costs way too much or they potentially wouldn't accept the outcome.

We've written potential options to be included in a safety plan, based on living together and separate and varying levels of contact etc so I'm hoping they see this as a willingness to cooperate.

My main concern is still currently the hospital, as they have put in the report they currently do not think he would be allowed there. Without knowing much about the hospital as we haven't been there a lot and have yet to have any sort of discussion or tour, we have come up with as many counters to their arguments against him going as possible, but hopefully the midwife present can help with that.

From the report itself, they seemed concerned about our lack of emotion when discussing their current stand point on living together etc and also they had concerns I didn't fully understand the risks, which worries me they feel we're not taking it seriously? Both me and my partner are more practical in the sense that, this is the current situation, right, what can be put in place for scenarios a, b and c and so on, instead of getting shouty and emotional. Maybe we should be more like that? As for the risk side, I'm fully aware, but I think my standpoint to help my partner through his issues is seen as odd? Or maybe they just didn't ask me the right questions in regards to this for me to answer appropriately?

Regardless, I'm hoping we can get our points across without sounding too blasé, or like we don't understand the concern. I feel like I currently haven't been given enough of a chance to explain my feelings or how I think about the whole thing, from original arrest to right now, but I also don't know how to say it and its worrying me a little.

I will most likely come back after the conference and ask for some more help/advise when we have more of a solid idea and plan. Wish us luck.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Sleepknot,

It’s Suzie here, an online adviser for Family Rights Group. I realise that the pre-birth child protection case conference will now have taken place, and I hope that it was managed well and that some of the issues you wanted to raise were addressed.

I’m glad that you had the social worker’s report for the conference in good time so that you could correct any inaccuracies.

Your diligence in suggesting safety plan measures for the different scenarios – living together or living apart- demonstrates your flexibility, willingness to co-operate with children’s services and reflective approach.

You are understandably concerned about planning for the birth, and how you can be supported. I hope that the midwife was able to add to the discussion about how your partner's hospital attendance could be safely managed.

I also hope that children’s services are able to answer your question about how referrals for assessment of potential risk of a contact offence will be planned. You are deftly pointing out where issues have been left vague, conversations have been been left incomplete, and you are trying to bring some clarity and agreement to actions to this complex situation. It is very much to your credit.

In the response to your previous post - you were signposted to Lucy Faithfull Foundation. I think you will find very useful resources here.

You are worried about the comment about the description of you and your partner showing ‘lack of emotion’ in the report – which you feel is a misunderstanding of your response. It sounds like you have both tried to be contained and pragmatic in interactions which is not the same as being devoid of feeling. I hope that you had a chance to discuss this interpretation of your behaviour in the conference. If you feel it needs to be explored further, I suggest that you write or email the social worker to have it on the record.

You also raise the point from the social worker’s report about doubt of your understanding of the risk. You feel that you fully comprehend the risk but can allow that you may have not been able to get this across as yet (or it has not been understood). You write that you may not have been asked the right questions, you also worry that you are not sure how to say it. This is a crucial point, and I would advise you to write to the social worker – offering to further elaborate on your understanding of the risks and answer any further questions they may have, as you do not feel that the dialogue is yet complete or is representative of your understanding of the risks and willingness to protect your child. Family Rights Group have a guide to working with social workers here which would be a useful read for you before you approach this topic.

I wish you very well and I hope that you do come back to the forum to update us.

Best wishes,
Suzie