In September 24 my adult daughter made an allegation about my husband (her stepdad). She said there had been SA by touching when she was 16-18 years old. I reported it to the police, children's services and my children's schools' DSLs the same day. I asked my husband to leave the family home. I resigned from being a foster carer and a teacher to take care of my children.
The problem is, he was my carer. I have ME and have fluctuating care needs. I was working full-time and he was the children's primary caregiver. I used to work and he would do everything else, meals, washing, cleaning etc. My adult son moved home to help me, but Childrens' services said my husband could be in the home to help with practical tasks as long as he was supervised.
I really struggled with my mental health during this time, and I reached out to the crisis team a few times which is now being held against me.
M 3 children on the CP plan are 13 (bio child) and 5 and 2 (children who came to me through foster care, and I have SGO's for)
All 3 children are doing well at school/nursery, and professionals agree that they are all thriving.
In July 2025, my Mum made a malicious call to CS and said that I was allowing my husband to see the children without supervision. At this time, my mum and I weren't speaking, and she hadn't been to my house at all, so she couldn't have known whether we were or not. We were supervising my husband constantly. A social worker came out 3 times and made very short visits, she asked a few brief questions and then disappeared for two months. In October she reappeared with a report stating the children needed to be under CIN but that she was happy that the safety plan had been adhered to. I went through the report and found 42 inaccuracies. I submitted a formal complaint that has still not been addressed.
The day after that was submitted, I received a phone call stating "your children are one step away from being removed" and that PLO was started. The PLO letter stated they were concerned the safety plan wasn't being followed, even though I had been given a report saying it was being followed. I asked for this statement to be removed from the PLO letter, but this was ignored.
I was completely stunned. I attended the PLO meeting with a solicitor and have co-operated ever since. My children don't have any contact with their Dad even though my 5 year old sits and begs the CSW to see his Dad. I have moved home and my new address has been kept secret from my husband. I text him regarding the kids, I would say we are friends and no more.
There is a child protection review this week. I have asked if it is possible to move from CP to CIN but the social worker hasn't responded. She has started to assess my ability to protect, but this was delayed while they found me an advocate because I am autistic. I am guessing that because she hasn't done her assessment yet, it will just remain at CP.
I really don't want to go to the conference. I went to the initial CP conference. All professionals said how well my children are doing, and then still voted to put the children under CP even though they clearly don't meet the criteria. The social worker voted first at the ICPC, and everyone else just said "same as her."
There is a meeting from 9 am to 9:30 am for professionals before the CP review. I feel strongly that a decision will be made in the first half an hour, and everything after that will be pointless. I can't stand the thought of sitting there listening to the professionals all praising how well we are doing and then still keeping them under CP anyway, it is soul-destroying and negatively impacts my physical and mental wellbeing.
I feel my husband and I are being made examples of because we were foster carers.
Do I have to attend the CP review? Can I send a statement instead?
I have asked about returning to work as a teacher, but I am told this will result in a referral to LADO. I am scared that my career is over. Can I take legal action if my career is over because of something I didn't do? I have been told by social services that the steps I took to safeguard my children following the allegation were perfect, but in every report, it cites that there is concern that the safety plan wasn't followed - all because my Mum made a malicious phone call.
How can I find out why the case was so quickly escalated to CP and PLO after 2 months of no contact?
Did everything right, getting punished anyway
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MotherGoose80
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2026 12:43 am
Re: Did everything right, getting punished anyway
Hi MotherGoose80,
I am so glad you posted. I want to say clearly at the start: your actions after the allegation were exactly what professionals expect from a protective parent. You reported immediately, you asked him to leave, and you prioritised the children. The fact that you are being treated this way feels deeply unfair, but there is a specific logic to what the Local Authority is doing, and you need to understand it to beat it.
Since private messaging has been removed to keep us 'safe', I am posting this strategic advice publicly so everyone can benefit.
Why you must attend the CP Review You asked if you can send a statement instead of attending. The hard answer is no. You are currently in the Public Law Outline (PLO) process, which is the final stage before they issue court proceedings to remove children. If you do not attend this meeting, the Social Worker will record it as "disengagement" or "avoiding scrutiny." That single tick-box is often the trigger they need to take the case to court.
You mentioned you are autistic and have ME. You should use this to your advantage by requesting Reasonable Adjustments. You must attend, but you do not have to speak if you are overwhelmed. You can have your advocate read your statement while you sit there. Your physical presence proves you are working with them; your advocate protects your mental health.
The real reason they escalated (It’s not just the malicious call) While the malicious call from your mother didn't help, the core reason they are likely escalating is your disability. Because your husband was your primary carer, they are terrified that you physically cannot manage without him. They believe that eventually, when the spotlight is off, you will let him back in simply because you need help with the washing, cooking, or personal care.
Your strongest position is to prove Independence. You need to show the conference that your new support network (cleaners, your adult son, PAs) is rock solid. If you can prove you do not need him for care, their argument that you are "at risk of letting him return" collapses.
Your Teaching Career (LADO) Please do not resign. Your career is not over; it is just paused. The LADO (Local Authority Designated Officer) process is standard when a professional has a safeguarding investigation in their own home. It is called "Transferable Risk." However, the LADO outcome usually mirrors the Family Case outcome.
Do not resign. If you resign, it looks like an admission of guilt or inability to cope.
Contact your Union. (NEU/NASUWT). They will protect your employment status.
The Path Back: Once you get the PLO stopped and the children stepped down to "Child in Need," the "Failure to Protect" marker is usually removed. At that point, you can return to teaching. You win the work battle by winning the home battle first.
Draft Statement for the Conference Chair You are right that decisions are often made in the professionals' meeting between 9:00 am and 9:30 am. You need to get your voice into that room before they decide. Send this to the Chair and the Social Worker immediately.
--------------------
Subject: Statement for CP Review Conference - [Date] - [Children's Initials]
Dear Chair,
I am writing to provide a clear update ahead of the Child Protection Review. Since the initial allegation, I have taken every step expected of a protective mother:
Immediate Action: I reported the allegation to the Police and Children’s Services immediately and asked my husband to leave the family home.
Strict Adherence: I have strictly adhered to the safety plan. There has been no contact. I have moved address to ensure further safety.
Independence: I am aware of concerns regarding my care needs. I have established a robust independent support network (including my adult son and external support) to manage my disability. I do not rely on my husband for any care needs and have no reason to reintroduce him to the home.
The Children: All professionals agree the children are thriving.
I am committed to working with professionals, but I ask that the Conference bases its decision on the evidence of safety I have provided, rather than unverified malicious reports from a relative who has never visited my new home.
I request that the plan be stepped down to Child In Need (CIN) to allow us to move forward without the trauma of disproportionate intervention.
Yours sincerely, [Your Name]
----------------
Summary Go to the meeting. Use your advocate to create a buffer. Focus relentlessly on the fact that you are independent and do not need your husband for care.
You have done nothing wrong. Hold your ground, keep your job, and force them to look at the evidence.
Winter25
=========
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.
I am so glad you posted. I want to say clearly at the start: your actions after the allegation were exactly what professionals expect from a protective parent. You reported immediately, you asked him to leave, and you prioritised the children. The fact that you are being treated this way feels deeply unfair, but there is a specific logic to what the Local Authority is doing, and you need to understand it to beat it.
Since private messaging has been removed to keep us 'safe', I am posting this strategic advice publicly so everyone can benefit.
Why you must attend the CP Review You asked if you can send a statement instead of attending. The hard answer is no. You are currently in the Public Law Outline (PLO) process, which is the final stage before they issue court proceedings to remove children. If you do not attend this meeting, the Social Worker will record it as "disengagement" or "avoiding scrutiny." That single tick-box is often the trigger they need to take the case to court.
You mentioned you are autistic and have ME. You should use this to your advantage by requesting Reasonable Adjustments. You must attend, but you do not have to speak if you are overwhelmed. You can have your advocate read your statement while you sit there. Your physical presence proves you are working with them; your advocate protects your mental health.
The real reason they escalated (It’s not just the malicious call) While the malicious call from your mother didn't help, the core reason they are likely escalating is your disability. Because your husband was your primary carer, they are terrified that you physically cannot manage without him. They believe that eventually, when the spotlight is off, you will let him back in simply because you need help with the washing, cooking, or personal care.
Your strongest position is to prove Independence. You need to show the conference that your new support network (cleaners, your adult son, PAs) is rock solid. If you can prove you do not need him for care, their argument that you are "at risk of letting him return" collapses.
Your Teaching Career (LADO) Please do not resign. Your career is not over; it is just paused. The LADO (Local Authority Designated Officer) process is standard when a professional has a safeguarding investigation in their own home. It is called "Transferable Risk." However, the LADO outcome usually mirrors the Family Case outcome.
Do not resign. If you resign, it looks like an admission of guilt or inability to cope.
Contact your Union. (NEU/NASUWT). They will protect your employment status.
The Path Back: Once you get the PLO stopped and the children stepped down to "Child in Need," the "Failure to Protect" marker is usually removed. At that point, you can return to teaching. You win the work battle by winning the home battle first.
Draft Statement for the Conference Chair You are right that decisions are often made in the professionals' meeting between 9:00 am and 9:30 am. You need to get your voice into that room before they decide. Send this to the Chair and the Social Worker immediately.
--------------------
Subject: Statement for CP Review Conference - [Date] - [Children's Initials]
Dear Chair,
I am writing to provide a clear update ahead of the Child Protection Review. Since the initial allegation, I have taken every step expected of a protective mother:
Immediate Action: I reported the allegation to the Police and Children’s Services immediately and asked my husband to leave the family home.
Strict Adherence: I have strictly adhered to the safety plan. There has been no contact. I have moved address to ensure further safety.
Independence: I am aware of concerns regarding my care needs. I have established a robust independent support network (including my adult son and external support) to manage my disability. I do not rely on my husband for any care needs and have no reason to reintroduce him to the home.
The Children: All professionals agree the children are thriving.
I am committed to working with professionals, but I ask that the Conference bases its decision on the evidence of safety I have provided, rather than unverified malicious reports from a relative who has never visited my new home.
I request that the plan be stepped down to Child In Need (CIN) to allow us to move forward without the trauma of disproportionate intervention.
Yours sincerely, [Your Name]
----------------
Summary Go to the meeting. Use your advocate to create a buffer. Focus relentlessly on the fact that you are independent and do not need your husband for care.
You have done nothing wrong. Hold your ground, keep your job, and force them to look at the evidence.
Winter25
=========
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.
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MotherGoose80
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2026 12:43 am
Re: Did everything right, getting punished anyway
That is really helpful, thank you ever so much. I will make sure I do all of this.
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MotherGoose80
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2026 12:43 am
Re: Did everything right, getting punished anyway
Finally have the social worker's report.
She has recommended the children remain under CP. The only glimmer of hope is that the manager has said the next conference needs to be in 3 months not 6.
Apparently they are concerned I am showing "disguised compliance." I am not sure how to disprove this. I moved house, I don't know what more I can do!!
She also feels my 13 year old is only saying things that won't upset me. I have provided her many opportunities for her to speak to him alone. I also suggested that she speak him at school with his learning manager who he trusts. She has done so, but it doesn't seem to have made any difference.
I don't feel like I can do anything to put and end to this
She has recommended the children remain under CP. The only glimmer of hope is that the manager has said the next conference needs to be in 3 months not 6.
Apparently they are concerned I am showing "disguised compliance." I am not sure how to disprove this. I moved house, I don't know what more I can do!!
She also feels my 13 year old is only saying things that won't upset me. I have provided her many opportunities for her to speak to him alone. I also suggested that she speak him at school with his learning manager who he trusts. She has done so, but it doesn't seem to have made any difference.
I don't feel like I can do anything to put and end to this
Re: Did everything right, getting punished anyway
Hi MotherGoose80,
I know reading that report felt like a punch to the gut. It is incredibly frustrating when you move mountains (literally moving house!) and they label it that way
What you are running into now is professional anxiety, not evidence of wrongdoing.
Here is exactly how to handle this report and why the "3-month review" is actually good news.
1. You asked: "I moved house, I don't know what more I can do!!"
When Social Workers use this term, they aren't necessarily accusing you of lying. They are saying: "We see she is doing the right things on paper, but we are terrified it won't last."
They aren't questioning if you moved. They are questioning if you can sustain life without him. Because of your ME, they believe that eventually, you will be forced to let him back in to help with cooking/washing.
You cannot disprove "disguised compliance" by doing more dramatic safeguarding actions. You disprove it by showing Sustainability.
In the conference, simply say: "I understand you are worried that my compliance is temporary. I want to show you my Long-Term Independence Plan (care support, adult son, cleaners) that proves I do not need him for practical support. This is my new normal."
2. The "3 Month" Review (This is a Win)
You said: "The manager has said the next conference needs to be in 3 months not 6."
Take the win. A standard CP plan is reviewed every 6 months. Bringing it forward to 3 months is actually a huge opportunity.
You are in PLO (Public Law Outline), which usually runs for about 12–16 weeks. They are aligning the CP review with the end of the PLO period.
They are effectively saying: "Prove you can sustain this for the next quarter." If you keep your nose clean and manage your health independently for just 12 weeks, you are in a prime position to step down.
3. Your 13-Year-Old (The "Scripting" Accusation)
The SW feels your son is "saying things that won't upset you."
Stop offering. You have already offered for her to speak to him at school. If you keep pushing, it looks like you are "managing" the narrative.
The Line: "I have actively facilitated independent conversations and I fully support my son speaking freely. I cannot manufacture concerns where he has not expressed them."
4. The Email to the Chair
You need to force them to be specific. "Disguised Compliance" is vague; make them define what "Real Compliance" looks like.
Send this email to the Conference Chair and the Social Worker before the meeting.
============
Subject: Clarification of “Disguised Compliance” Concern and Step-Down Requirements
Dear Chair and [Social Worker],
Thank you for sharing the report. I note the recommendation to remain under CP, with concerns cited regarding “disguised compliance.”
I want to be clear that the safeguarding actions I have taken (moving house, strictly adhering to no contact) are not short-term measures. They represent a permanent restructuring of our family life to ensure safety. I have established independent support to manage my disability without reliance on my husband.
In order to work constructively toward step-down at the next review (3 months), please can the Conference specify in writing:
Specific Evidence: What exact evidence is required over the next 3 months to demonstrate that this change is permanent?
Measurable Pathway: What are the measurable indicators required to move from CP to CIN?
I remain committed to working openly, but it is important that the expectations are clear so I can meet them.
Kind regards, [Your Name]
============
Don't fight the label emotionally. Fight it with boring consistency. Use the 3 months. It’s a short sprint to the finish line of the PLO. Focus on Independence.
-------------
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.
I know reading that report felt like a punch to the gut. It is incredibly frustrating when you move mountains (literally moving house!) and they label it that way
What you are running into now is professional anxiety, not evidence of wrongdoing.
Here is exactly how to handle this report and why the "3-month review" is actually good news.
1. You asked: "I moved house, I don't know what more I can do!!"
When Social Workers use this term, they aren't necessarily accusing you of lying. They are saying: "We see she is doing the right things on paper, but we are terrified it won't last."
They aren't questioning if you moved. They are questioning if you can sustain life without him. Because of your ME, they believe that eventually, you will be forced to let him back in to help with cooking/washing.
You cannot disprove "disguised compliance" by doing more dramatic safeguarding actions. You disprove it by showing Sustainability.
In the conference, simply say: "I understand you are worried that my compliance is temporary. I want to show you my Long-Term Independence Plan (care support, adult son, cleaners) that proves I do not need him for practical support. This is my new normal."
2. The "3 Month" Review (This is a Win)
You said: "The manager has said the next conference needs to be in 3 months not 6."
Take the win. A standard CP plan is reviewed every 6 months. Bringing it forward to 3 months is actually a huge opportunity.
You are in PLO (Public Law Outline), which usually runs for about 12–16 weeks. They are aligning the CP review with the end of the PLO period.
They are effectively saying: "Prove you can sustain this for the next quarter." If you keep your nose clean and manage your health independently for just 12 weeks, you are in a prime position to step down.
3. Your 13-Year-Old (The "Scripting" Accusation)
The SW feels your son is "saying things that won't upset you."
Stop offering. You have already offered for her to speak to him at school. If you keep pushing, it looks like you are "managing" the narrative.
The Line: "I have actively facilitated independent conversations and I fully support my son speaking freely. I cannot manufacture concerns where he has not expressed them."
4. The Email to the Chair
You need to force them to be specific. "Disguised Compliance" is vague; make them define what "Real Compliance" looks like.
Send this email to the Conference Chair and the Social Worker before the meeting.
============
Subject: Clarification of “Disguised Compliance” Concern and Step-Down Requirements
Dear Chair and [Social Worker],
Thank you for sharing the report. I note the recommendation to remain under CP, with concerns cited regarding “disguised compliance.”
I want to be clear that the safeguarding actions I have taken (moving house, strictly adhering to no contact) are not short-term measures. They represent a permanent restructuring of our family life to ensure safety. I have established independent support to manage my disability without reliance on my husband.
In order to work constructively toward step-down at the next review (3 months), please can the Conference specify in writing:
Specific Evidence: What exact evidence is required over the next 3 months to demonstrate that this change is permanent?
Measurable Pathway: What are the measurable indicators required to move from CP to CIN?
I remain committed to working openly, but it is important that the expectations are clear so I can meet them.
Kind regards, [Your Name]
============
Don't fight the label emotionally. Fight it with boring consistency. Use the 3 months. It’s a short sprint to the finish line of the PLO. Focus on Independence.
-------------
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.
-
MotherGoose80
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2026 12:43 am
Re: Did everything right, getting punished anyway
No surprise, but at Child protection review the professionals voted to keep my children in child protection.
I really don't know what else I am supposed to do.
The social worker is saying that because I am in touch with my former husband I must be being co-erced by him.
I literally don't know what I can do to fight that?
It sounds like the main reason for keeping the CP in place is because the social worker hasn't completed my ability to protect assessment yet. How is it right that they can keep us under CP because they can't get their acts together.
I am completely broken hearted and there is part of me that understands why a lot of birth parents just walk away.
I have my own issues, but if I had a drug addiction as well or mental issues I wouldn't stand a chance.
I really don't know what else I am supposed to do.
The social worker is saying that because I am in touch with my former husband I must be being co-erced by him.
I literally don't know what I can do to fight that?
It sounds like the main reason for keeping the CP in place is because the social worker hasn't completed my ability to protect assessment yet. How is it right that they can keep us under CP because they can't get their acts together.
I am completely broken hearted and there is part of me that understands why a lot of birth parents just walk away.
I have my own issues, but if I had a drug addiction as well or mental issues I wouldn't stand a chance.
Re: Did everything right, getting punished anyway
Hi MotherGoose80,
I want to start by saying this You are not broken OK, you are exhausted. And you are rightfully furious.
What you have describe in keeping a family on a Child Protection Plan simply because the professional hasn't finished their paperwork, is not a finding against your parenting. It is Administrative Drift. The system is holding you hostage to their inefficiency, and that is deeply unfair and must be challenged.
Here is how to handle the "Coercion" label and how to force the assessment to be completed.
1. The "Coercion" Trap (And how to fix it)
You wrote: "The social worker is saying that because I am in touch with my former husband I must be being co-erced."
I recall you mentioning in a previous post: "I text him regarding the kids, I would say we are friends and no more."
This is the specific trigger.
The SW View: To a Social Worker, there is no such thing as "just friends" with a partner accused of abuse. They view any friendly communication as a sign of Emotional Dependency. They assume that if you are "friends," you are being "groomed" to let him back in. Even if its absurd, that's how they think.
You must go "Grey Rock."
Shift the Dynamic: You are no longer "friends." You are "Business Partners" in the business of raising children, and currently, the business is closed.
Stop any chatty texts. No emojis. No general updates. Limit contact to absolute medical emergencies only.
Tell the SW: "I have reflected on your comments about coercion. I realised that maintaining a friendship was confusing the boundaries. I have now stepped back to strictly essential communication only."
2. The Unfinished Assessment (Administrative Drift)
You are right, it is unacceptable to extend the trauma of CP simply because they are slow. You need to frame this not as "I am failing," but as "The Local Authority is delaying."
Don't let them drift for another 3 months. You need to ask for a specific Completion Date.
3. "Walking Away"
You said: "There is part of me that understands why a lot of birth parents just walk away."
Please hear me This is the burnout talking. They are banking on you getting so tired that you stop fighting. That's not going to happen!
Don't give them the satisfaction, honestly. I could have done this years ago but I fought i won and now I'm here telling you that you can do the same.
You have moved house. You have kept him away. You are 90% of the way up the mountain.
The 3-Month Sprint: Remember, the manager moved the review to 3 months. That is your countdown. Survive the next 12 weeks, get the assessment done, and you are there.
Draft Email to Send to them
Send this to the Team Manager (copying the Social Worker). This forces them to give you a date for the assessment and addresses the coercion point proactively.
------------
Subject: Urgent: Timeline for Assessment Completion - [Children's Names]
Dear [Team Manager Name],
Following the recent Child Protection Review, I am writing to express my concern regarding the delay in the 'Ability to Protect' assessment.
It was noted in the review that the primary reason for the continuation of the CP Plan is that this assessment remains incomplete. As I have adhered to every part of the safety plan (including moving home and maintaining zero unsupervised contact), it is disheartening that the step-down process is being delayed due to administrative timescales.
1. Assessment Timeline: Please can you confirm the specific date by which this assessment will be filed? I need to know when this piece of work will be completed so we can move forward.
2. Coercion/Contact: I also note the Social Worker’s comments regarding "coercion" due to my communication with my husband. To be absolutely clear: I do not live with him, my address is secret, and I am not in a relationship with him. However, to ensure there is no ambiguity, I have ceased all "friendly" communication. Contact is now strictly limited to essential logistics only.
I am committed to resolving this in the next 3 months. I look forward to the completed assessment.
Yours sincerely, [Your Name]
-----------
Send the email. Call out the delay professionally.
Go Grey Rock. No more "friendship" with the ex.
You are doing the hardest job in the world right now, but you are still standing you should be proud of that. Remember that Social services are NOT law, they have rules and regulation they must abide to if they do not then we hold them to accounted for such
=======
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.
I want to start by saying this You are not broken OK, you are exhausted. And you are rightfully furious.
What you have describe in keeping a family on a Child Protection Plan simply because the professional hasn't finished their paperwork, is not a finding against your parenting. It is Administrative Drift. The system is holding you hostage to their inefficiency, and that is deeply unfair and must be challenged.
Here is how to handle the "Coercion" label and how to force the assessment to be completed.
1. The "Coercion" Trap (And how to fix it)
You wrote: "The social worker is saying that because I am in touch with my former husband I must be being co-erced."
I recall you mentioning in a previous post: "I text him regarding the kids, I would say we are friends and no more."
This is the specific trigger.
The SW View: To a Social Worker, there is no such thing as "just friends" with a partner accused of abuse. They view any friendly communication as a sign of Emotional Dependency. They assume that if you are "friends," you are being "groomed" to let him back in. Even if its absurd, that's how they think.
You must go "Grey Rock."
Shift the Dynamic: You are no longer "friends." You are "Business Partners" in the business of raising children, and currently, the business is closed.
Stop any chatty texts. No emojis. No general updates. Limit contact to absolute medical emergencies only.
Tell the SW: "I have reflected on your comments about coercion. I realised that maintaining a friendship was confusing the boundaries. I have now stepped back to strictly essential communication only."
2. The Unfinished Assessment (Administrative Drift)
You are right, it is unacceptable to extend the trauma of CP simply because they are slow. You need to frame this not as "I am failing," but as "The Local Authority is delaying."
Don't let them drift for another 3 months. You need to ask for a specific Completion Date.
3. "Walking Away"
You said: "There is part of me that understands why a lot of birth parents just walk away."
Please hear me This is the burnout talking. They are banking on you getting so tired that you stop fighting. That's not going to happen!
Don't give them the satisfaction, honestly. I could have done this years ago but I fought i won and now I'm here telling you that you can do the same.
You have moved house. You have kept him away. You are 90% of the way up the mountain.
The 3-Month Sprint: Remember, the manager moved the review to 3 months. That is your countdown. Survive the next 12 weeks, get the assessment done, and you are there.
Draft Email to Send to them
Send this to the Team Manager (copying the Social Worker). This forces them to give you a date for the assessment and addresses the coercion point proactively.
------------
Subject: Urgent: Timeline for Assessment Completion - [Children's Names]
Dear [Team Manager Name],
Following the recent Child Protection Review, I am writing to express my concern regarding the delay in the 'Ability to Protect' assessment.
It was noted in the review that the primary reason for the continuation of the CP Plan is that this assessment remains incomplete. As I have adhered to every part of the safety plan (including moving home and maintaining zero unsupervised contact), it is disheartening that the step-down process is being delayed due to administrative timescales.
1. Assessment Timeline: Please can you confirm the specific date by which this assessment will be filed? I need to know when this piece of work will be completed so we can move forward.
2. Coercion/Contact: I also note the Social Worker’s comments regarding "coercion" due to my communication with my husband. To be absolutely clear: I do not live with him, my address is secret, and I am not in a relationship with him. However, to ensure there is no ambiguity, I have ceased all "friendly" communication. Contact is now strictly limited to essential logistics only.
I am committed to resolving this in the next 3 months. I look forward to the completed assessment.
Yours sincerely, [Your Name]
-----------
Send the email. Call out the delay professionally.
Go Grey Rock. No more "friendship" with the ex.
You are doing the hardest job in the world right now, but you are still standing you should be proud of that. Remember that Social services are NOT law, they have rules and regulation they must abide to if they do not then we hold them to accounted for such
=======
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.
-
Cocopops8826
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2026 6:55 pm
Re: Did everything right, getting punished anyway
I'm looking for some advise, my childs father ha smade so many false accusations over 19 months all which have been proven to be lies
. I was open to social services for a section 37 report. No concerns. Socail services closed last may. Social worker was unable to attend final court hearing, s37 addendum report done by new Sw.. making recommendations for the final hearing which I dont agree. My daughters father had kept her twice from me even with a prohibited steps order in place and has failed 6 out of 7 drug tests.
He lives 4 hrs away from us and now SW reccommending a child in need plan, over 4 months for my daughter to go to his home address. Daughter doesn't want to go and I don't feel they are taking my saf guarding into consideration as also recommending he knows our address and daughters school location previous DV.
I am against any involvement. No concerns or safe guarding issues my side. Feel like I'm hitting my head against a wall.
. I was open to social services for a section 37 report. No concerns. Socail services closed last may. Social worker was unable to attend final court hearing, s37 addendum report done by new Sw.. making recommendations for the final hearing which I dont agree. My daughters father had kept her twice from me even with a prohibited steps order in place and has failed 6 out of 7 drug tests.
He lives 4 hrs away from us and now SW reccommending a child in need plan, over 4 months for my daughter to go to his home address. Daughter doesn't want to go and I don't feel they are taking my saf guarding into consideration as also recommending he knows our address and daughters school location previous DV.
I am against any involvement. No concerns or safe guarding issues my side. Feel like I'm hitting my head against a wall.
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4873
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:57 pm
Re: Did everything right, getting punished anyway
Dear MotherGoose80
Thank you for your posts and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser. Matters have moved on since your first post, therefore, I will reply to all relevant posts here.
I am sorry to hear of your situation, it must be a difficult and stressful time for you. Whilst you are concerned about reaching out to mental health services due to criticism from children’s services, I would encourage to do again if you feel overwhelmed by your situation. If you feel discriminated against because of this I encourage you to raise your concerns with children's services. Something you may wish to do with the support from a mental health advocate. MIND provide this type of service (depending on your situation) please check out their website for further information.
You have five children – two now adults and three younger children aged 13,5 & 2. The 13 year old child is you biological child and the other children came to you via your fostering career. You hold Special Guardianship Orders for these children.
Your adult daughter made an allegation against her stepfather (your husband) for inappropriately touching her when 16 -18 years old. You were proactive in you approach to this and reported the information to the police and other professionals and your husband left the family home. A complicating factor is that your husband was also your carer and the children’s primary carer. You have ME which results in fluctuating care needs. You also worked full time. You have since resigned from being a foster carer and a teacher.
As a result of the allegations, children’s services became involved and your children are now placed on child protection plans, with the public law outline process underway (PLO).
To support you with your care needs, your adult son moved back into the family home. At the time children’s services agreed that your husband could be in the family home supervised to help with practical needs. Since further concerns have been raised, this has now stopped and you have moved to an new home (undisclosed to your husband).
You have concerns about the children being placed on child protection plans and feel the PLO process was started because of the formal complaint you made about the social worker’s assessment.
You were reluctant to attend the review child protection conference because of your experiences when attending the initial one. I have added
HERE information and guidance about the child protection process. and how children’s services should be working with parents. I am pleased to note that you were allocated an advocate to support you with this process. We do have a template letter on our website which supports parents to ask for one. I have added a link HERE (Letter 1).
You are considering returning to work as a teacher and wonder whether you can take legal action if this is not possible due to what you say are false allegations made against you. This is outside of our remit and you would need to speak to a solicitor who specialises in this area of law. When a Local Authority Designated Officer (LADO) is in notified they do not investigate the situation. They are there to ensure information is shared and procedures followed. I have added HERE a link to further information and guidance regarding the role of a LADO.
You are seeking guidance on how to find out why your children’s situation was escalated from child protection to PLO after two months of no contact. I am unable to advise on this without having all of the information before me although it does seem unusual that a situation would move from assessment to PLO with two months of no contact. You now have a solicitor, therefore I suggest you discuss this with them. The PLO process (meeting) should outline the local authorities concerns as they see them with rationale as to why they are now seeking PLO. I have added a link HERE when working with solicitors. I encourage you to take a look.
Children’s services have raised some concerned about you showing disguised compliance and you are not sure how you can disprove this. Case reviews
(NSPCC 2025) highlight the term ‘disguised compliance’ is used by professionals to describe a wide range of behaviours. Sometimes the term is used without reflection on what might be causing the behaviour or what can be done to address it. We know that when professionals ‘label’ parents the labels can be difficult to change and are often repeated without further thought or analysis. I suggest you continue to be open and transparent with children’s services and to also ensure you follow up agreed actions and decisions with written confirmation (email) to avoid miscommunications and possible misunderstandings that may or may not have been agreed with.
Whilst this can feel cumbersome, especially in times of stress, it does ensure you have a paper trail of decision making. I have added
HERE guidance and suggestions of how to work well with social workers and what you may wish to consider when things are not going so well.
You are struggling to know what else you can do when you feel everything is stacked against you and children’s services have criticised you for maintaining contact with your husband. They are concerned he is coercively controlling to you.
I think it would be a good idea to seek guidance and support from a domestic abuse charity. They have experience and expertise in respect of controlling behaviours and will be able to support you to spot and manage. Some also offer online courses as a starting point which you can sign up for. I have added a link HERE to the Freedom Project. I have further added a link HERE to Women’s Aid, they have allocated one to one workers and group programmes too.
Best wishes, Suzie
Thank you for your posts and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser. Matters have moved on since your first post, therefore, I will reply to all relevant posts here.
I am sorry to hear of your situation, it must be a difficult and stressful time for you. Whilst you are concerned about reaching out to mental health services due to criticism from children’s services, I would encourage to do again if you feel overwhelmed by your situation. If you feel discriminated against because of this I encourage you to raise your concerns with children's services. Something you may wish to do with the support from a mental health advocate. MIND provide this type of service (depending on your situation) please check out their website for further information.
You have five children – two now adults and three younger children aged 13,5 & 2. The 13 year old child is you biological child and the other children came to you via your fostering career. You hold Special Guardianship Orders for these children.
Your adult daughter made an allegation against her stepfather (your husband) for inappropriately touching her when 16 -18 years old. You were proactive in you approach to this and reported the information to the police and other professionals and your husband left the family home. A complicating factor is that your husband was also your carer and the children’s primary carer. You have ME which results in fluctuating care needs. You also worked full time. You have since resigned from being a foster carer and a teacher.
As a result of the allegations, children’s services became involved and your children are now placed on child protection plans, with the public law outline process underway (PLO).
To support you with your care needs, your adult son moved back into the family home. At the time children’s services agreed that your husband could be in the family home supervised to help with practical needs. Since further concerns have been raised, this has now stopped and you have moved to an new home (undisclosed to your husband).
You have concerns about the children being placed on child protection plans and feel the PLO process was started because of the formal complaint you made about the social worker’s assessment.
You were reluctant to attend the review child protection conference because of your experiences when attending the initial one. I have added
HERE information and guidance about the child protection process. and how children’s services should be working with parents. I am pleased to note that you were allocated an advocate to support you with this process. We do have a template letter on our website which supports parents to ask for one. I have added a link HERE (Letter 1).
You are considering returning to work as a teacher and wonder whether you can take legal action if this is not possible due to what you say are false allegations made against you. This is outside of our remit and you would need to speak to a solicitor who specialises in this area of law. When a Local Authority Designated Officer (LADO) is in notified they do not investigate the situation. They are there to ensure information is shared and procedures followed. I have added HERE a link to further information and guidance regarding the role of a LADO.
You are seeking guidance on how to find out why your children’s situation was escalated from child protection to PLO after two months of no contact. I am unable to advise on this without having all of the information before me although it does seem unusual that a situation would move from assessment to PLO with two months of no contact. You now have a solicitor, therefore I suggest you discuss this with them. The PLO process (meeting) should outline the local authorities concerns as they see them with rationale as to why they are now seeking PLO. I have added a link HERE when working with solicitors. I encourage you to take a look.
Children’s services have raised some concerned about you showing disguised compliance and you are not sure how you can disprove this. Case reviews
(NSPCC 2025) highlight the term ‘disguised compliance’ is used by professionals to describe a wide range of behaviours. Sometimes the term is used without reflection on what might be causing the behaviour or what can be done to address it. We know that when professionals ‘label’ parents the labels can be difficult to change and are often repeated without further thought or analysis. I suggest you continue to be open and transparent with children’s services and to also ensure you follow up agreed actions and decisions with written confirmation (email) to avoid miscommunications and possible misunderstandings that may or may not have been agreed with.
Whilst this can feel cumbersome, especially in times of stress, it does ensure you have a paper trail of decision making. I have added
HERE guidance and suggestions of how to work well with social workers and what you may wish to consider when things are not going so well.
You are struggling to know what else you can do when you feel everything is stacked against you and children’s services have criticised you for maintaining contact with your husband. They are concerned he is coercively controlling to you.
I think it would be a good idea to seek guidance and support from a domestic abuse charity. They have experience and expertise in respect of controlling behaviours and will be able to support you to spot and manage. Some also offer online courses as a starting point which you can sign up for. I have added a link HERE to the Freedom Project. I have further added a link HERE to Women’s Aid, they have allocated one to one workers and group programmes too.
Best wishes, Suzie
Do you have 3 minutes to complete our evaluation form ? We would value your feedback on the parents’ forum.
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4873
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:57 pm
Re: Did everything right, getting punished anyway
Dear Cocopops8826Cocopops8826 wrote: Mon Feb 02, 2026 8:05 pm I'm looking for some advise, my childs father ha smade so many false accusations over 19 months all which have been proven to be lies
. I was open to social services for a section 37 report. No concerns. Socail services closed last may. Social worker was unable to attend final court hearing, s37 addendum report done by new Sw.. making recommendations for the final hearing which I dont agree. My daughters father had kept her twice from me even with a prohibited steps order in place and has failed 6 out of 7 drug tests.
He lives 4 hrs away from us and now SW reccommending a child in need plan, over 4 months for my daughter to go to his home address. Daughter doesn't want to go and I don't feel they are taking my saf guarding into consideration as also recommending he knows our address and daughters school location previous DV.
I am against any involvement. No concerns or safe guarding issues my side. Feel like I'm hitting my head against a wall.
Thank you for your post. This is Suzie, Family Rights Group's online adviser. I just wanted to let you know that I replied to the queries you posted on a different thread.
Best wishes
Suzie.
Do you have 3 minutes to complete our evaluation form ? We would value your feedback on the parents’ forum.
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