Social services and domestic abuse

[cdyz5]

On 24 November last year, I was arrested by the police on allegations of child neglect. I was kept in a police cell for around 6 hours. I then found out that my wife had made allegations of domestic abuse involving herself and the children.

I was released on bail with conditions:
• No direct or indirect contact with my wife or children
• Not to enter the family home

Social services became involved and initiated a Section 47 child protection investigation (child in need).

On 17 December, a duty social worker told me that contact with my children could be possible with family supervision. I kept asking for contact, but nothing happened, partly due to the Christmas and New Year period.

On 6 January 2026, I spoke to the duty social worker again and was told the case had been passed to an allocated social worker, who would contact me. This did not happen.
On 22 January, after contacting the council several times, I managed to trace my allocated social worker. She asked me to attend a meeting on 27 January.

At the meeting, I again asked about contact with my children. The social worker said she would speak to my wife. Previously, I had already been told that my wife agreed to contact arrangements. I followed up by email and phone, but the social worker said she was unable to contact my wife.

Yesterday, the police called me and confirmed that all charges have been dropped due to insufficient evidence, and my bail conditions have now been lifted. The police told me I must now follow the process with social services.

Today, the social worker told me that my wife and children have gone to a refuge. When I asked why, I was told my wife believed I would return to the family home. I explained that during the initial child protection meeting I clearly stated that, under no circumstances, would I return home, and that my intention is to rebuild my relationship with my wife and children in a safe and appropriate way.

It has now been 9 weeks with no contact with my children. I am missing my children and my wife deeply. I have also asked the social worker to enrol me in parenting courses, which I am willing to attend.

My questions are:
1. Now that bail conditions are lifted, am I legally allowed to contact my wife?
2. Can I work directly with social services to rebuild contact with my children?
3. What usually happens next in situations like this?
4. Is it realistic to work towards reconciliation and becoming a family again while social services are involved?

Any advice or guidance would be really appreciated

[Winter25]

Hi cdyz5,

I’m really sorry you are going through this. Nine weeks without contact, with shifting information and little clarity, is emotionally brutal.

However, the police dropping the charges (NFA) is a huge relief for you legally. It clears one major hurdle thats great start for you to build this all back up again BUT, But I need to be very honest with you: The Police case ending does not mean the Social Services case ends. They work in a different way and this must be strategic.

You are currently walking into a very dangerous strategic trap regarding your wife and the refuge.

Here are the answers to your questions based on how the Family Court and Social Services operate. Please read the answers fully

1. Can you contact your wife? (The Trap)
You asked: "Now that bail conditions are lifted, am I legally allowed to contact my wife?"

The Legal Answer: Unless there is a Non-Molestation Order (civil injunction) in place, technically yes. BUT!!!

The Strategic Answer and what you should do is : ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Why: Your wife is in a refuge. This means she has been assessed by professionals as being at "High Risk."

If you attempt to contact her, find her, or message her about "reconciliation" while she is in a refuge, Social Services will view this as harassment and coercive control. They will use your attempt to contact her as evidence that you do not respect her safety or boundaries. SO do not do this right now.

Do not call. Do not text. Do not email her. Step back completely. If reconciliation is ever to happen, it must be led by her and the professionals, not you.

2. Can you work with Social Services to see the children?
Yes, and this is your key route now.

Currently, you are asking for "Reconciliation" (Husband and Dad).

You need to switch to asking for "Co-Parenting Contact" (Dad only).

Social Services will block contact if they think you are using the children to get access to the mother. You must prove you can be a "safe father" independent of your relationship with her.

3. What usually happens next?
Since a Section 47 (Child Protection investigation) was started, and the family has fled to a refuge, the following is likely:

Risk Assessment: Even though the police dropped charges (because the criminal bar is high), Social Services operates on the "Balance of Probabilities." They may still believe risk exists. They may ask you to complete a DVPP (Domestic Violence Perpetrator Programme) or similar course.

They will likely start with supervised contact at a contact centre to ensure safety.

4. Is Reconciliation realistic?
You asked: "Is it realistic to work towards reconciliation and becoming a family again?"

Right now? No, I know this is hard to hear but this is a progressive thing

If you tell the Social Worker "I want us to be a family again," while your wife is in a refuge, the Social Worker hears: "He is in denial about why she left."

You must separate your role as a Husband from your role as a Father. You need to say: "I respect my wife's decision to seek space. My priority is purely maintaining a relationship with my children."

Focus on the Children not her for now

You need to stop chasing the wife and start formalising the request for the children. Send this to the Allocated Social Worker and copy in the Team Manager.
----------------
Subject: Formal Request for Contact - [Children's Names]

Dear [Social Worker Name],

1. Change in Legal Status: As you are aware, the police have issued an NFA (No Further Action) regarding the allegations, and all bail conditions have been lifted.

2. Respecting Boundaries: I have been informed that my wife and children are currently in a refuge. I want to make it clear that I respect my wife’s need for space and safety. I will not be attempting to contact her directly.

3. Contact with Children: However, I am the father of these children, and it has been 9 weeks since I have seen them. Now that the legal restrictions have been lifted, I request that you facilitate supervised contact at a contact centre as soon as possible. This ensures the children’s safety and allows them to maintain their relationship with their father.

4. Engagement: I am eager to engage with any parenting courses or assessments you require to demonstrate my commitment to safe parenting.

Please confirm by [Date - 5 working days] when a contact plan will be in place.

Yours sincerely, [Your Name]
-------

The refuge changes everything. You cannot fix the marriage right now. If you try, you will lose the kids. Focus 100% on being a dad who respects boundaries. The furfure is not set, work through this first and move forward at small steps.

------------
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[cdyz5]

Thanks for the detail responses . I did sent similar email already today here the copy of email.

“ hope you are well.

Following our meeting yesterday, I wanted to politely follow up on the points we discussed regarding contact with the children and enrolment on parenting courses.

As mentioned, it has now been over nine weeks since I have had any contact with the children. I would appreciate an update on whether phone or video contact can be arranged at this stage, as discussed.

You also mentioned yesterday that you would be speaking with my wife and would update me. I would be grateful if you could let me know if there has been any progress on this, as well as any updates regarding the parenting courses you referred to.

Now that the police bail conditions have ended, I wanted to seek clarification regarding communication arrangements. I want to ensure I continue to act appropriately and fully in line with Children’s Services’ guidance.

Could you please confirm whether direct contact with my wife is currently considered appropriate, or whether communication should continue to be facilitated via Children’s Services or another agreed channel for the time being?

My intention is to fully respect boundaries and to focus on what is best for the children.

Kind regards,”

Then social worker asked if I already have any contact with wife? Social worker also told me according to her knowledge wife does not want to have contact with me.

Here is my response

“ Thank you for your response.



To confirm, I have not had any contact with wife, and I am continuing to respect her wishes and the current boundaries in place.



Just to ensure I fully understand and continue to act appropriately, could I please check whether the preference for no direct contact reflect wife’s current position, or whether this was her position at the time of the last update? I want to be sure I am following the most up-to-date guidance and respecting everyone’s wishes.



Thank you for the update regarding indirect contact with kids. Please I appreciate you pursuing approval with the refuge and understand this may take some time. I would be grateful if you could keep me informed as soon as there is any progress, as it has now been over nine weeks without contact with the children.



Please let me know if there is anything further required from me in the meantime.



Kind regards,”

[Winter25]

Hi cdyz5,

You have handled this really well.

Your emails are polite, child-focused, and clear that you are respecting your wife’s boundaries. That is the right approach.

One small piece of advice going forward: now that Children’s Services have said your wife does not want contact, it is usually best not to keep checking whether that has changed. Even well-meant clarification can be misread as pressure.

At this stage, the safest position is:

no direct contact with your wife unless she initiates it, or a professional confirms it is appropriate

all focus should stay on arrangements for the children

Your next step is to keep everything very practical and child-centred:

ask when supervised contact can begin

ask what the process is with the refuge approving it

ask for a clear timescale for the parenting course referral


You are doing the right thing by staying calm, respectful, and putting everything in writing. That is how you rebuild contact safely, step by step.

[cdyz5]

@winter25 appreciated yes I shall take your advice and do as you said. Will keep you posted.

As social worker has not responded to my email. I shall drop her email tomorrow again and won’t mention of my wife at all.

Thank you for your feedback.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear cdyz5

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser. Thank you for your posts. I will reply to all your posts in this one response.

You explain that you were arrested In November on allegations of child neglect. Your wife also made allegations of domestic abuse. You were released on bail conditions which prohibited you from contacting your wife and children and from entering your family home.

Police referred to children’s services as children’s services are the lead agency responsible for promoting children’s welfare and protecting them from harm. They undertook a child protection investigation as they were concerned about the risk of significant harm to the children. There was an initial child protection conference held to decide if the children had suffered harm and if they were at continued risk of harm. You don’t say if a child protection or child in need plan was made. It would be helpful to clarify which plan is in place.

Since then, the police have concluded their investigation. They are not proceeding further due to lack of evidence, and your bail conditions have ended. However, your wife and children have now left the family home and are staying in a refuge. This suggests that she continues to be worried about domestic abuse.

You have complied throughout and consistently asked the social worker to support you to have contact with your children – supervised if necessary. It is now 9 weeks since you saw the children. I am sorry that to hear that there have been several delays and miscommunications about how contact might be arranged. I understand how distressing it must be for you and how you must be missing your children.

You have acted very sensibly by contacting the children’s social worker by email to try to establish whether it is possible to arrange some form of indirect contact such as phone calls or video contact to begin with and with a goal of moving towards seeing the children again. The social worker responded to your query about whether children’s services have any concerns about you having direct contact with your wife (now that the bail conditions have ended) by informing you that your wife does not want contact with you. Women living in refuges do not usually have contact with their husbands. You asked the social worker again to clarify if this is your wife’s current view; you are right to want to be clear about this and I hope that the social worker has updated you since your last post.

It is positive that you have complied throughout this process and kept to all the conditions or restrictions in place. The current child protection (or child in need plan) for the children will also have recommendations about what children’s services want you and your wife to work with and what they believe is necessary for the children’s welfare and protection. You should have a copy of the plan. You have asked the social worker to refer you for parenting courses which is a good idea. There are many parenting courses available those which focus on fathers such as Caring Dads’ courses might be especially beneficial.

Your main concern now is re-establishing some form of safe contact with your children. This is not the time to focus on reconciliation as your wife has left the family home to live in a refuge with the children and has said recently that she wants no direct contact with you.

For now, you are right to ask children’s services to clarify and support, if they agree with and have no child protection concerns, how indirect contact might work to begin with. This is a sensible approach which could pave the way for direct contact in the future. You can also ask the social worker to discuss a plan for supervised contact (supervised by responsible family members or friends or at a contact centre). As another parent has advised, children’s services may ask you to take part in a domestic violence perpetrator programme (please see the Respect website for more information) or to have a risk assessment.

There is another important point to make. If your wife does not agree to you having any contact with the children currently then the social worker cannot overrule her on this. Children’s services do not have parental responsibility for your children, as you know, if they do not have a court order. You and your wife each have parental responsibility, but they are in her care at present and she has alleged domestic abuse so she can decide not to allow contact. Of course, you can challenge this. But that will involve applying to the court. You are doing the right thing by working with children’s services and trying to get them to assist in making arrangements for safe contact. You may also want to get private law advice from a solicitor or a specialist legal advice service. Please see this link to legal advice services. Child Law Advice offers advice by phone, email and webchat and has concise online information too.

I hope that this helps.

Please post back or contact the advice service by phone, advice enquiry form, or webchat if you would like further advice about children’s services’ involvement with your children.

Best wishes

Suzie