Long story - adult child made allegations about her dad. Police dropped investigation when she didn't make a statement to them.
We have a younger child so SS told my husband to leave the house. I'm being assessed as a protective parent as the older child debt me a text when we were estranged when she was 18 to say 'dad abused me' - she then blocked me. Long history with this person and we've taken her children out many times recently.
SS carrying out protective carers assessment of me but told my husband his only involvement will be at the child in need hearing and not before. He feels he'll never be allowed back as they aren't assessing him at all. What can we do?
I know SS aren't interested in the truthfulness of allegations and they have told us they assume they are true. What can we do please?
Can SS do this?
Re: Can SS do this?
Hi Worried_mummy99,
I am sorry you are going through this. It is incredibly frightening when Social Services (SS) essentially "evict" a husband based on a historical allegation that the Police have already dropped.
You asked: "Can SS do this?" and "What can we do?"
The short answer is yes, they can, and they do it all the time. However, the reason your husband is being ignored right now is not because he is banned forever, but because of the specific order in which they conduct investigations.
Since private messaging has been removed to keep us 'safe', I am posting this strategic advice publicly so everyone can benefit.
Here is the breakdown of what is happening, the legal reality of removal, and how to get him back.
1. Why are they ignoring him? (The "Triage" System)
You said: "SS carrying out protective carers assessment of me but told my husband his only involvement will be at the child in need hearing."
The Logic: In the eyes of SS, your husband is the "Risk" and you are the "Safety."
The Process: They always assess the "Safety" (You) first. They need to know: "If we leave this child in the home, is the mother strong enough to keep the father away?"
The Danger: If they assess him now and he denies it (which he will), it doesn't help them secure the child. They are focused 100% on you. If you fail this assessment (by letting him back in too early or arguing that the allegation is a lie), they will initiate legal proceedings.
The Takeaway: Him being ignored right now is standard. It doesn't mean he is never coming back. It means you are the priority.
2. The Legal Reality: "Can they take my child?"
You need to understand exactly how removal works so you don't panic, but also don't get complacent.
The Law: Social Services cannot simply walk in and remove your child just because they feel like it. They need a Court Order (from a Judge) or your Consent (Section 20).
The Trap: While they can't remove the child instantly, if you breach the "Safety Plan" (by letting your husband back in for even a cup of tea), you hand them the evidence they need.
The Sequence:
You break the agreement (let him in).
SS holds a Legal Planning Meeting.
They apply to Court for an Interim Care Order (ICO) arguing you cannot protect the child.
The Judge grants it because you broke the rules.
Then the child is removed.
3. The "Assumption of Truth" & The Police NFA
You are frustrated that SS are "assuming it's true" even though the Police dropped it (NFA).
Police vs. SS: The Police operate on "Beyond Reasonable Doubt" (Evidence). Social Services operate on the "Precautionary Principle" (Risk).
The Strategy: Do not fight the "Truth" of the allegation right now. If you argue with the Social Worker that "she is lying" or "she blocked me," they will mark you down as "Minimising Risk."
Your Script: "I understand you have to take this seriously. I am shocked by the allegation, but I will prioritise my younger child’s safety above everything else while you investigate."
4. How to get him assessed (The Action Plan)
Your husband feels helpless. He needs to stop waiting for them to call him and start being proactive. He should send an email to the Social Worker now to get his cooperation on the record.
Draft Email for Husband to send:
-------------------------------------
Subject: Commitment to Cooperate & Request for Assessment - [Child's Name]
Dear [Social Worker's Name],
I am writing to formally confirm my position regarding the ongoing investigation.
1. Compliance: Although the police investigation has concluded with No Further Action (NFA), I fully respect the Social Services process. I have vacated the family home as requested to ensure [Child's Name]’s stability and to allow my wife to complete her assessment without pressure.
2. Request for Engagement: I understand that the current focus is on my wife’s protective capacity. However, I am eager to engage with you directly to address the allegations and demonstrate that I pose no risk to my child.
3. Moving Forward: I am willing to undertake any necessary risk assessments, parenting courses, or voluntary interviews you require. Please can you confirm when you intend to speak with me? I do not want my lack of involvement to be misinterpreted as a lack of care or cooperation.
Yours sincerely, [Husband's Name]
-------------------
Stick to the plan. Do not let him in the house. That is the only way you lose the child right now.
Pass your assessment. Prove you are independent.
Send the email. Force them to acknowledge he is willing to work with them.
============
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.
I am sorry you are going through this. It is incredibly frightening when Social Services (SS) essentially "evict" a husband based on a historical allegation that the Police have already dropped.
You asked: "Can SS do this?" and "What can we do?"
The short answer is yes, they can, and they do it all the time. However, the reason your husband is being ignored right now is not because he is banned forever, but because of the specific order in which they conduct investigations.
Since private messaging has been removed to keep us 'safe', I am posting this strategic advice publicly so everyone can benefit.
Here is the breakdown of what is happening, the legal reality of removal, and how to get him back.
1. Why are they ignoring him? (The "Triage" System)
You said: "SS carrying out protective carers assessment of me but told my husband his only involvement will be at the child in need hearing."
The Logic: In the eyes of SS, your husband is the "Risk" and you are the "Safety."
The Process: They always assess the "Safety" (You) first. They need to know: "If we leave this child in the home, is the mother strong enough to keep the father away?"
The Danger: If they assess him now and he denies it (which he will), it doesn't help them secure the child. They are focused 100% on you. If you fail this assessment (by letting him back in too early or arguing that the allegation is a lie), they will initiate legal proceedings.
The Takeaway: Him being ignored right now is standard. It doesn't mean he is never coming back. It means you are the priority.
2. The Legal Reality: "Can they take my child?"
You need to understand exactly how removal works so you don't panic, but also don't get complacent.
The Law: Social Services cannot simply walk in and remove your child just because they feel like it. They need a Court Order (from a Judge) or your Consent (Section 20).
The Trap: While they can't remove the child instantly, if you breach the "Safety Plan" (by letting your husband back in for even a cup of tea), you hand them the evidence they need.
The Sequence:
You break the agreement (let him in).
SS holds a Legal Planning Meeting.
They apply to Court for an Interim Care Order (ICO) arguing you cannot protect the child.
The Judge grants it because you broke the rules.
Then the child is removed.
3. The "Assumption of Truth" & The Police NFA
You are frustrated that SS are "assuming it's true" even though the Police dropped it (NFA).
Police vs. SS: The Police operate on "Beyond Reasonable Doubt" (Evidence). Social Services operate on the "Precautionary Principle" (Risk).
The Strategy: Do not fight the "Truth" of the allegation right now. If you argue with the Social Worker that "she is lying" or "she blocked me," they will mark you down as "Minimising Risk."
Your Script: "I understand you have to take this seriously. I am shocked by the allegation, but I will prioritise my younger child’s safety above everything else while you investigate."
4. How to get him assessed (The Action Plan)
Your husband feels helpless. He needs to stop waiting for them to call him and start being proactive. He should send an email to the Social Worker now to get his cooperation on the record.
Draft Email for Husband to send:
-------------------------------------
Subject: Commitment to Cooperate & Request for Assessment - [Child's Name]
Dear [Social Worker's Name],
I am writing to formally confirm my position regarding the ongoing investigation.
1. Compliance: Although the police investigation has concluded with No Further Action (NFA), I fully respect the Social Services process. I have vacated the family home as requested to ensure [Child's Name]’s stability and to allow my wife to complete her assessment without pressure.
2. Request for Engagement: I understand that the current focus is on my wife’s protective capacity. However, I am eager to engage with you directly to address the allegations and demonstrate that I pose no risk to my child.
3. Moving Forward: I am willing to undertake any necessary risk assessments, parenting courses, or voluntary interviews you require. Please can you confirm when you intend to speak with me? I do not want my lack of involvement to be misinterpreted as a lack of care or cooperation.
Yours sincerely, [Husband's Name]
-------------------
Stick to the plan. Do not let him in the house. That is the only way you lose the child right now.
Pass your assessment. Prove you are independent.
Send the email. Force them to acknowledge he is willing to work with them.
============
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.
-
Worried_mummy99
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Sun Jan 25, 2026 6:24 am
Re: Can SS do this?
Thank you so much for your helpful advice.
I had the 1st assessment and it was awful. They chose to wait until today to shock me with the allegations and then kept asking me if I believed them. I told them it isn't my job about belief, my role is to protect my daughter. They then asked if I'm going to split up with my husband and how I feel about him. Completely unfair questioning.
I had the 1st assessment and it was awful. They chose to wait until today to shock me with the allegations and then kept asking me if I believed them. I told them it isn't my job about belief, my role is to protect my daughter. They then asked if I'm going to split up with my husband and how I feel about him. Completely unfair questioning.
Re: Can SS do this?
That is how these "professionals" function. They just take every single allegation as truth and absolute truth, take their own spin, and then criticise anyone who reasonably questions the truth or takes a different perspective. They then think they are so smart and attempt to break a family apart for the interest of the broken family's child. The entire system is flawed.
Who is online
In total there are 2 users online :: 1 registered, 0 hidden and 1 guest (based on users active over the past 5 minutes)
Most users ever online was 62 on Wed Jan 28, 2026 9:10 am