What should I do with this knowledge?

[HopingMamu]

Hello Group
Very deep into dishcharging a care order and I have learned that my mother who fosters my daughter has told the LA that she no longer wants to care for my child and cannot cope anymore. They have said that it’ll be ok and they will support her. My question is… why did the social worker keep this to herself? It took my son to tell me and he also said… she should be with you mum. What do I do next?? Has anybody got advice?
Best wishes

[Winter25]

Hi HopingMamu,

It is good to speak to you again. I do remember your case clearly, particularly the retired Guardian and the recordings involving your mother that the judge described as horrendous. That context matters here, because what you have now shared is not minor or incidental. It is the most significant development you have had in a long time.

You asked why the social worker would keep this information to herself. The answer is uncomfortable but simple. If the court becomes aware that the grandmother cannot cope, the local authority’s central narrative collapses. Their case has rested on the idea that your daughter is settled, stable and safe in her current placement. If the carer herself is struggling or wants out, that argument no longer stands. This is not something they can easily explain away, so it is being contained rather than disclosed.

Because private messaging is no longer available, I am setting this out publicly so you can act on it and so others can also understand the process.

The local authority owes the court a duty of candour. That means they are legally required to disclose any significant change in circumstances that affects the child’s welfare. A foster carer, particularly a connected person carer, saying they cannot cope or want the placement to end is not a minor issue. It is a placement breakdown, or at the very least the start of one. If the social worker is aware of this and has not informed the court or the parties, that is a serious procedural failure. It creates a misleading picture of stability.

You cannot rely solely on what your son has told you, because the local authority will dismiss that as hearsay. You need this brought onto the record properly. The way to do that is through your solicitor, and it needs to happen immediately. Your solicitor should write to the local authority legal team and ask them, directly and in writing, to confirm or deny whether the grandmother has told them she is struggling to cope or has asked for the placement to end. They should also request disclosure of any case notes, discussions or support planning that has taken place around sustaining the placement. This goes directly to the issue of stability that the court has been relying on.

This information changes the entire framing of the case. Up to now, the court has likely been seeing a binary choice. On one side, you, portrayed as unstable or risky. On the other, a stable and settled grandmother placement. If the grandmother cannot cope, that second option disappears. The real comparison then becomes you versus stranger foster care. Courts are generally reluctant to move children from family placements into unrelated foster care when a parent is actively seeking reunification and has been working towards it. That is why this information is so important.

It also links directly back to the abuse concerns you raised before. The judge already accepted that the recordings were horrendous. A carer who is volatile, abusive or emotionally unsafe is also far more likely to reach a point where they cannot cope. The two issues reinforce each other. You are not just saying the placement is harmful; you are now saying it is unstable and at risk of collapse. Those are powerful arguments when combined.

Please do not sit on this. Local authorities will often try to shore up a failing placement with extra support just long enough to get a final order over the line. Once that happens, the bar to change becomes much higher. This needs to be exposed now, before the next hearing, while the court still has the opportunity to reassess the reality of the placement.

For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello Group
Very deep into dishcharging a care order and I have learned that my mother who fosters my daughter has told the LA that she no longer wants to care for my child and cannot cope anymore. They have said that it’ll be ok and they will support her. My question is… why did the social worker keep this to herself? It took my son to tell me and he also said… she should be with you mum. What do I do next?? Has anybody got advice?
Best wishes

Dear Hopingmamu,

Thank you for your post. I am Suzie, the online adviser for Family Rights Group, and I will be answering your post today.

You say that you have been told by your son that your mother has told the local authority that she does not want to care for your daughter long-term anymore. You want to know what you should do with this information.

As you are in court proceedings it is important that you share this information urgently with your solicitor. As Winter25 has suggested, your solicitor may then contact the local authority and ask them to clarify this. You should then discuss with your solicitor what the next steps should be.

Your solicitor will advise you whether they feel that this should be brought to the attention of the court.

I hope that this is helpful and please do post again if you have any more questions. Best of luck with the court process to discharge the care order.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[HopingMamu]

Hi HopingMamu,

It is good to speak to you again. I do remember your case clearly, particularly the retired Guardian and the recordings involving your mother that the judge described as horrendous. That context matters here, because what you have now shared is not minor or incidental. It is the most significant development you have had in a long time.

You asked why the social worker would keep this information to herself. The answer is uncomfortable but simple. If the court becomes aware that the grandmother cannot cope, the local authority’s central narrative collapses. Their case has rested on the idea that your daughter is settled, stable and safe in her current placement. If the carer herself is struggling or wants out, that argument no longer stands. This is not something they can easily explain away, so it is being contained rather than disclosed.

Because private messaging is no longer available, I am setting this out publicly so you can act on it and so others can also understand the process.

The local authority owes the court a duty of candour. That means they are legally required to disclose any significant change in circumstances that affects the child’s welfare. A foster carer, particularly a connected person carer, saying they cannot cope or want the placement to end is not a minor issue. It is a placement breakdown, or at the very least the start of one. If the social worker is aware of this and has not informed the court or the parties, that is a serious procedural failure. It creates a misleading picture of stability.

You cannot rely solely on what your son has told you, because the local authority will dismiss that as hearsay. You need this brought onto the record properly. The way to do that is through your solicitor, and it needs to happen immediately. Your solicitor should write to the local authority legal team and ask them, directly and in writing, to confirm or deny whether the grandmother has told them she is struggling to cope or has asked for the placement to end. They should also request disclosure of any case notes, discussions or support planning that has taken place around sustaining the placement. This goes directly to the issue of stability that the court has been relying on.

This information changes the entire framing of the case. Up to now, the court has likely been seeing a binary choice. On one side, you, portrayed as unstable or risky. On the other, a stable and settled grandmother placement. If the grandmother cannot cope, that second option disappears. The real comparison then becomes you versus stranger foster care. Courts are generally reluctant to move children from family placements into unrelated foster care when a parent is actively seeking reunification and has been working towards it. That is why this information is so important.

It also links directly back to the abuse concerns you raised before. The judge already accepted that the recordings were horrendous. A carer who is volatile, abusive or emotionally unsafe is also far more likely to reach a point where they cannot cope. The two issues reinforce each other. You are not just saying the placement is harmful; you are now saying it is unstable and at risk of collapse. Those are powerful arguments when combined.

Please do not sit on this. Local authorities will often try to shore up a failing placement with extra support just long enough to get a final order over the line. Once that happens, the bar to change becomes much higher. This needs to be exposed now, before the next hearing, while the court still has the opportunity to reassess the reality of the placement.

For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[HopingMamu]

Hello Winter. I emailed my solicitor who seemed quite moved by the status quo. I also told him that the day before I had rang the social worker. The first thing I said was, my son… who lives with my daughter and mother told me firmly that despite my mother telling the LA that she cannot cope and wants my daughter to be placed elsewhere and the SW quickly changed the subject and said that she had arranged therapy for my daughter and has put her on the list for an advocate. I gasped in relief because my daughter feels the guardian doesn’t care . The SW then told me that it was nothing to do with court business. The situation wasn’t mentioned again. My solicit after we spoke on the phone, said, it’s something to keep an eye on- but it doesn’t change the landscape sadly. My concern is that my daughter’s weight loss, behaviour and the fact that she knows she’s not wanted there- are not going to be enough to help her quickly- meaning she suffers. They are willingly ng to spend time and money on keeping her with a monster and yet they have said - if my daughter returns to my care they will have to step away after six months bc of time and other cases. I am going to call my solicitor again and ask that he go exactly what I say. What you’ve said is exactly what they done and they had a bit of time before I found out.we have now had a date for ENE and final hearing which are close together in may. I suppose that gives them plenty of time to heal the situation.SW has never ever seen my daughter and Intogether, if she did.. she would not recognise my daughter.what hurts me the most is that I’ve never hurt my child. I was poorly and deluded for a while, but 95% of what was in the original findings was false. It was never challenged because my solicitor back then said to focus on the future. I wanted to challenge everything and sometimes I feel like I was fobbed off. I was commended by the judge at the care order hearing…because I had gotten well, on medication and a new home in four months.it was not enough, it’s like the LA are so feared by everyone- including my counsell. My girl is the air I breathe, without her- there is no me. I just put one foot infront of the other and life doesn’t seem real.quote=Winter25 post_id=16905 time=1768388643 user_id=20202]
Hi HopingMamu,

It is good to speak to you again. I do remember your case clearly, particularly the retired Guardian and the recordings involving your mother that the judge described as horrendous. That context matters here, because what you have now shared is not minor or incidental. It is the most significant development you have had in a long time.

You asked why the social worker would keep this information to herself. The answer is uncomfortable but simple. If the court becomes aware that the grandmother cannot cope, the local authority’s central narrative collapses. Their case has rested on the idea that your daughter is settled, stable and safe in her current placement. If the carer herself is struggling or wants out, that argument no longer stands. This is not something they can easily explain away, so it is being contained rather than disclosed.

Because private messaging is no longer available, I am setting this out publicly so you can act on it and so others can also understand the process.

The local authority owes the court a duty of candour. That means they are legally required to disclose any significant change in circumstances that affects the child’s welfare. A foster carer, particularly a connected person carer, saying they cannot cope or want the placement to end is not a minor issue. It is a placement breakdown, or at the very least the start of one. If the social worker is aware of this and has not informed the court or the parties, that is a serious procedural failure. It creates a misleading picture of stability.

You cannot rely solely on what your son has told you, because the local authority will dismiss that as hearsay. You need this brought onto the record properly. The way to do that is through your solicitor, and it needs to happen immediately. Your solicitor should write to the local authority legal team and ask them, directly and in writing, to confirm or deny whether the grandmother has told them she is struggling to cope or has asked for the placement to end. They should also request disclosure of any case notes, discussions or support planning that has taken place around sustaining the placement. This goes directly to the issue of stability that the court has been relying on.

This information changes the entire framing of the case. Up to now, the court has likely been seeing a binary choice. On one side, you, portrayed as unstable or risky. On the other, a stable and settled grandmother placement. If the grandmother cannot cope, that second option disappears. The real comparison then becomes you versus stranger foster care. Courts are generally reluctant to move children from family placements into unrelated foster care when a parent is actively seeking reunification and has been working towards it. That is why this information is so important.

It also links directly back to the abuse concerns you raised before. The judge already accepted that the recordings were horrendous. A carer who is volatile, abusive or emotionally unsafe is also far more likely to reach a point where they cannot cope. The two issues reinforce each other. You are not just saying the placement is harmful; you are now saying it is unstable and at risk of collapse. Those are powerful arguments when combined.

Please do not sit on this. Local authorities will often try to shore up a failing placement with extra support just long enough to get a final order over the line. Once that happens, the bar to change becomes much higher. This needs to be exposed now, before the next hearing, while the court still has the opportunity to reassess the reality of the placement.

For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.
[/quote]

[HopingMamu]

[Thank you so much again
Suzie xquote="Suzie, FRG Adviser" post_id=16930 time=1768906908 user_id=57]

Hello Group
Very deep into dishcharging a care order and I have learned that my mother who fosters my daughter has told the LA that she no longer wants to care for my child and cannot cope anymore. They have said that it’ll be ok and they will support her. My question is… why did the social worker keep this to herself? It took my son to tell me and he also said… she should be with you mum. What do I do next?? Has anybody got advice?
Best wishes

Dear Hopingmamu,

Thank you for your post. I am Suzie, the online adviser for Family Rights Group, and I will be answering your post today.

You say that you have been told by your son that your mother has told the local authority that she does not want to care for your daughter long-term anymore. You want to know what you should do with this information.

As you are in court proceedings it is important that you share this information urgently with your solicitor. As Winter25 has suggested, your solicitor may then contact the local authority and ask them to clarify this. You should then discuss with your solicitor what the next steps should be.

Your solicitor will advise you whether they feel that this should be brought to the attention of the court.

I hope that this is helpful and please do post again if you have any more questions. Best of luck with the court process to discharge the care order.

Best wishes,
Suzie
[/quote]

[Winter25]

Hi HopingMamu,

I really felt every word of what you wrote. I have been where you are and there is light at the end

And I need you to know straight away: you are not being dramatic, and you are not imagining this. What you have described is exactly how this system maintains the status quo, and the fact you can see it happening in real time shows how strong and aware you are, even when you feel broken.

The social worker changing the subject is not nothing

You raised the most serious thing possible, that the carer is saying she can’t cope and wants your daughter move, and the SW immediately pivoted to therapy and an advocate, then told you it was “nothing to do with court business.”

That is deeply revealing to me, Because placement stability is absolutely court business. A connected carer placement struggling or at risk of breakdown is not a side issue, it goes directly to welfare, permanence, and whether the LA care plan is even viable.

The reason they deflect is simple: they do not want that instability exposed formally.

Your solicitor is being cautious, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. When he says “it doesn’t change the landscape,” what he really means is: “We don’t have it evidenced in writing yet.”

Solicitors often won’t lean into something unless it is disclosed or confirmed, because the LA will deny everything informal as “hearsay.”

But this is why your next step is correct. You need him to put this question directly, in writing, to LA Legal. Not as an accusation. As a request for clarification and disclosure.

That is how this becomes real evidence, not something they can brush away. Your daughter’s weight loss and distress do matter Please don’t let anyone convince you that deterioration is irrelevant.

Courts do not ignore these things

a child losing weight
escalating distress
emotional shutdown
placement strain
a child knowing they are not truly wanted

The problem is not that these things are “not enough.” The problem is that the LA often tries to contain them with support packages until after final hearing, because once an order is reinforced, the bar becomes higher.

That is why timing matters now, before May.

Therapy and advocacy are good, but they do not fix the placement

I am genuinely glad you heard “advocate” because your daughter has felt unheard. That matters.

But advocacy is not a substitute for the central question:

Is this placement safe, stable, and sustainable?

If your mother is at breaking point, the LA cannot pretend this is a long-term solution.

“They’ll step away after six months if she returns to you”, listen carefully. This is one of the most unfair things parents are told, they will spend unlimited resources maintaining a care order…

But tell a mother: “We can only support you for six months.” That tells you something important. They are managing systems and budget, not measuring love.

But courts do not base decisions on whether the LA finds it administratively convenient.

They base decisions on the child’s welfare and whether the order remains necessary.

About the original findings,

What you said about the past is heartbreaking:

That you were unwell for a period, but that so much was exaggerated or false, and you feel it was never truly challenged.

So many parents carry that same wound:
“I wanted to fight it, but I was told to move on.”

Sometimes that advice is strategic. But it leaves you with a sense that the truth was never spoken.

What I want you to hold onto is this:

*Discharge is not about relitigating everything, it is about what is true now.

*And what is true now is:
*you are stable
*you are medicated
*you have insight
*you have a home
*you have love
*you have never stopped fighting
*your daughter is struggling where she is

May is not “plenty of time for them”, it is also your window

Please don’t collapse into hopelessness OK!

Between now and May, there are still things that can shift the ground:

1 your solicitor forcing written clarification about the placement strain

2 advocacy bringing your daughter’s voice forward

3 medical evidence around weight loss

4 challenging the narrative of “settled placement” if it is not true

5 ensuring the court sees the real stability comparison

But your daughter still has you.
Your love is still present.
Your fight is still moving.

This system can be slow and brutal, but mothers do get their children home. Care orders do get discharged. People do win.

Your next step is simple, so do this if you can

Ask your solicitor to write this, clearly:

“Please confirm whether the grandmother has expressed she cannot cope or wishes the placement to end, and disclose any placement stability discussions or contingency planning.”

That is the crack in the wall where truth gets in.