Social care say go to court

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

My 14 year old child is being neglected at her dad's house , she went there 7 months ago from manipulation. I've had ongoing control for 5 years now since I left and social failed her last year as they didn't address it through behaviours learnt off her dad..they are saying go to court when dad needs parenting skills and stop alienation and I want see her now not no longer time. He did this to her older brother 3 years ago abd I had to go through court. He was 13. I have evidence of control through texts and since I've highlighted my concerns he has blocked her from communication.
Advice

Dear B457

Welcome to the board. I am Suzie, the online adviser at Family Rights Group, and I will be responding to the questions in the messages you have posted on our Forum over the last few days.

I am sorry to read about your situation and that you have contacted children’s services and their suggestion is that you apply for a child arrangements (or other) order. From what you have said it seems that a social worker is communicating with your daughter (early help assessment) but not more broadly assessing her needs, for example, as a child in need. The social worker has spoken to her, and she indicates that your daughter ‘is fine’ and has not indicated that her father’s care is ’harmful or neglectful’ to her (you disagree).

Your daughter has asked you to ask the social worker not to communicate with her and you want to know if you can do this. Yes, – you can ask the social worker not to communicate with your daughter saying that these are your daughter’s wishes and feelings. You have said that her father thinks that having a social worker is helpful, perhaps asking the social worker to have a conversation with you and her father (at the same time) to discuss your differing views may help?

I understand your concerns about going back to court to vary any previous arrangements. You may want to try to ‘discuss’ the situation (with the father) outside of the court process first. Advice Now has a booklet about sorting out arrangements for children and Citizens Advice and Child Law Advice have some helpful information and tips. The social worker has said however, that they would help you with the contact arrangements, do ask them to arrange contact as soon as they can.

You have said that this is a stressful time for you Mind the mental health charity may be able to support you. Family Line may help too, or it may help to visit your GP and discuss your mental wellbeing with them.

Your daughter may need some support too. You mention that her father does not know that she has faced mental health challenges, it may be wise to share what you know with the social worker and explain to her what your daughter’s experiences have been. Children and young people can get support for their mental health from: Young Minds, The Mix or ChildLine.

If you would like to speak with one of our advisers, in confidence, do call our free service. The lines are open Monday to Friday from 9.30am to 3.00pm our number is 0808 801 0366. Other ways to contact us are here.

Best wishes

Suzie
Family Rights Group Adviser

[HopingMamu]

Hello.
I am currently in court and I’ve learned one important thing! The Judge has the say. Judges can be quiet about stuff and they seem neutral. I cannot change anymore pick up queues from them, as to when they are dissapointed shocked or even angry, when they sympathise and when they are agitated. But nobody can ever know. Last time I was in court, the judge tore me a new ars***le because he thought I was the reason evidence came in last minute. It was counsel and for a very good reason.
My daughters social worker (a month earlier than required by the court) gave me the news that they didn’t want my daughters social returning to my care and when I cried and asked why??? She said oh I did a full file read from 11years ago and I can’t remember what it was, but she was a baby!!!
Then the next time I went to court there was a nice report stating that I was unstable and suicidal on the call. I actually said “I hope this doesn’t set me back”
How could they be so cruel. There are no current risks present and yet I do not understand what they have to gain by making us both miserable. Is it true, I wonder, what I’ve heard about money, funding and having to remove children to reach targets. I feel baffled. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Get to court! It’s the only way x

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello.
I am currently in court and I’ve learned one important thing! The Judge has the say. Judges can be quiet about stuff and they seem neutral. I cannot change anymore pick up queues from them, as to when they are dissapointed shocked or even angry, when they sympathise and when they are agitated. But nobody can ever know. Last time I was in court, the judge tore me a new ars***le because he thought I was the reason evidence came in last minute. It was counsel and for a very good reason.
My daughters social worker (a month earlier than required by the court) gave me the news that they didn’t want my daughters social returning to my care and when I cried and asked why??? She said oh I did a full file read from 11years ago and I can’t remember what it was, but she was a baby!!!
Then the next time I went to court there was a nice report stating that I was unstable and suicidal on the call. I actually said “I hope this doesn’t set me back”
How could they be so cruel. There are no current risks present and yet I do not understand what they have to gain by making us both miserable. Is it true, I wonder, what I’ve heard about money, funding and having to remove children to reach targets. I feel baffled. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Get to court! It’s the only way x

Dear Hoping Mamu,

Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am the online adviser for Family Rights Group.

From your previous posts you explained that there is a care order in place for your daughter who is in the care of her maternal grandmother at the moment. You have made an application to court to end the care order as you have worked hard over the past few years to get the help and support you needed for your mental health needs.

I am sorry to hear that the professionals do not agree that your daughter should return to your care and that you are finding the process cruel.

I would like to clarify though that children’s services do not have any targets in regards to removing children from their parents’ care. Sometimes there are rumours that go around saying things like this, or that social workers get a bonus if they remove a child, but it is important to say clearly that this is not true. There is no financial incentive to remove a child. In fact, by removing a child, children’s services then have to pay a foster carer to care for the child, which is very costly.

As I have said before, I hope that you are able to remain hopeful about your situation. You have worked really hard to get to where you are now, and it is important that you don’t lose hope now, for your daughter’s sake. Whatever happens, you can do whatever you can to ensure that you have the best relationship possible with your daughter.


Please do feel free to contact us again. You can repost on this forum or send us an advice enquiry form.

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I hope this is helpful,

Best wishes,
Suzie

[HopingMamu]

Yes Suzie
I have been in
A cognitive dissonance since hearing that concept. It’s just hard to realise that they will move heaven and earth to support my daughters Nan who is 70 and illiterate and yet in the proposed plan for my
Girl if the judge sends her back to me- it states that support could not be for long as it will be too time consuming and costly. I’m glad that the court favours unification and once again thank you. I did not mean to band false or speculative information on here.
Happy Christmas to you all