contact once adopted child becomes an adult

[mommabear2025]

My children were adopted and are now adults. Can their adoptive family stop me from seeing them. I am going through an adoption intermediary but the social worker is not supporting me, she is on the side of the adoptive family agreeing with them without questioning their facts. The adoptive family are saying that my children don't want to see me as they are happy and content in their adoptive family. Weeks later it comes out that my children can't have contact as they have varying developmental needs, don't have capacity and have high needs which they provide as they know the children very well as they have lived with them since they were 4 and 2 years old. The social worker hasn't spoken to my children who are adults in their 20s to understand the situation. Social worker is just speaking to their family who have always been opposed to contact. Social worker is not making any effort to make contact happen and supporting my request. The family are saying no and social worker is agreeing with it without getting any evidence or proof that this is what my children want. She hasn't seen or spoken to my children. If she were to see them maybe she could get an idea of the situation. The social worker has told me that she has requested documentation for proof of no capacity, high needs and developmental needs. Personally I don't buy this as I had the opportunity to see my children a few times 8 years ago when they 13 years old and they didn't display as having these needs. There were some needs which I would say were more developmental trauma and a slight speech and language delay but not severe disabilities as the adoptive family are saying. Things don't change from one moment to the next. The social worker also told me that when she gets the assessment she won't be able to tell me the nature of their needs. I understand there is confidentiality reasons but am I right in saying as their biological mother I am allowed to know the outcome of not having capacity and how contact might affect them. Anyway 3 months have past and no information has been shared to the social worker by the adoptive family to back up their claim. I'm just wondering what are my rights and do I have the rights to make a complaint to the intermediary agency dealing with my case. Also can I request a meeting to discuss my children's best interest to discuss about contact with biological siblings, identity, heritage and their developmental/emotional needs. Also. when the social worker sent a letter to the adoptive family saying that a birth family member is requesting contact she wouldn't allow me to see her letter. Is this right?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mommabear2025,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ forum. Apologies for the lateness of this response. I am Suzie, an online adviser for Family Rights Group.

You explain that you are working with an adoption intermediary as you would like to have contact with your adult adopted children who are now in their 20s. The intermediary has advised that there is uncertainty as to whether your adult children can make an informed decision about contact with you due to learning difficulties.

I looked at Adopt London’s procedures to follow up on your question. You can link to the document here.
The following from Adopt London addresses the issue:-
Where the Subject/Adopted Person Cannot Give Informed Consent
‘Where it is discovered that the subject of the application/the adopted person cannot give informed consent for example because of a learning difficulty, the allocated social worker should obtain the views of other family members and other significant people involved with the subject before a decision is made whether to disclose the identifying information. The decision should take account of their views and have regard to their welfare.’

You are wondering how the decision that your adult children cannot give informed consent has been arrived at and have requested that the intermediary gives you more information about this. However, the intermediary is citing confidentiality issues and you are still waiting for a response after 3 months of waiting.

You could argue that sharing more about the reasons that the adult children possibly cannot give informed consent does not put them at risk from you, nor mean that a decision that contact is not in their best interests would be ignored if this were the conclusion. Most people in your position would need to know more about how that conclusion was reached to accept it.

I think that the balance between best interests, mental capacity and confidentiality is delicate and complex here and you would benefit from advice from a specialist birth families support organisation. Family Rights Group have a birth families map which you can use to find local and national specialist support here.

If the intermediary had valid reasons behind the decision not to show you the exploratory letter to the adoptive family these should have been clearly explained to you. I would suggest that your first step would be to request a meeting with the intermediary’s team manager to go through your questions and discuss the dilemmas raised. All agencies will have a complaints procedure that you could request if this meeting does not yield satisfactory explanations for you, and you should request a copy of the complaints policy.

Contact (the support organisation for families with disabled children) have an advice sheet on parental responsibility and mental capacity issues for post-16s which may be useful here.

I see your point that you want to be assured that your adult children have arrived at their own decisions if possible. Is it possible for a further independent opinion to be sought?

An independent advocate may be able to explore this issue further. I think that Contact would be a useful agency to consult about availability of suitable advocates. However, I think that this should be discussed with the intermediary and team manager first.

I hope you will find this helpful and find the links to further information given useful. I appreciate that there is a lot to think about. I hope that you receive some responses from other forum users. Should you wish to speak with an adviser, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

Best wishes,
Suzie