Worried about my unborn grandson and social services

[dsm10]

Hi
I am currently in a unexpected dilemma.. my 15 year old son and his 13 year old girlfriend are expecting a baby, I thought I taught him enough to not be in this situation but it is what it is. They both attend a SEN school in years 10 and 9 my son has social and emotional issues and his girlfriend has ADHD. So we have sucked it up and start preparing for the little one who is due mid August. Social services are already involved with the girlfriends family under a CIN and I now know that over the years the family have been on child protection, CIN and TAF. My family have also been through the same not through any fault of mine, it was when my ex-husband was done for having indecent images and other things in July 2016. I have 2 older children from a previous marriage, and had never encountered SS. Now I was at their mercy and for 4 years they had me supervising his access to my 2 sons, til the ex violated his sexual harm prevention order and was remanded only for 4 weeks, and then received a12 month suspended sentence. I was no longer under SS so decided I would no longer supervise his access, that was July 2020 and there has been only sporadic contact via Whatsapp between me and him begging for financial help but no contact is allowed between him and our sons. Sorry about the length already.. So now the girlfriend is 22 weeks pregnant and due to their ages the baby has been assigned a SW who seems nice, but their are concerns around the girlfriend staying with her single mum and younger brother because of historic problems. So I was asked would I have her and the baby here if needed, to which I said yes, but thought it odd due to their ages. So a single assessment was completed, and they now onto a pre-birth assessment. They had a legal planning meeting last week and my son and I were summoned to the girlfriends house last week by the baby's SW, so she could share what needs to happen.. she said the girlfriend cannot come to me as they can't allow them to live in the same house as it's illegal, she can't take baby home to mum either as she has a failed viability assessment for her to take her youngest grandchild last year. So the plan is for the girls mum to sign a section 20 for them to place the girlfriend into foster care ASAP so she can settle before baby arrives. Ideally somewhere local but they may have to open up to other authorities. Her mum doesn't drive so would struggle getting to some of the other authorities some of these places could be an hours drive away. At this point the girlfriends mum asked for a further viability assessment to be carried out, to which the SW agreed. Well I messaged her yesterday to find out when it will be done as my son all up the wall with worry as his girlfriend is up half the night and having nightmares about having to leave her mum and rely on strangers to give her support when baby arrives! Also this does not fill me with glee either if truth be told. Now the SW messaged back saying they will not be carrying out another assessment as there is a CIN in place. Now I am really concerned for these 2 youngsters. My son will actually turn16 in Sept so very soon after baby arrives so he will not only then have PR his legal status changes but this was not spoke about at the legal planning meeting as he does not get PR til baby arrives. The birth will also trigger pre-proceedings giving the girlfriend 6 months to cut the mustard, have a parenting assessment and a cognitive assessment. She has asked for an advocate and will also need a solicitor, as will my son but I will be his advocate as I know how devious SS can be, and how they manipulate vulnerable people after a close friend had her children removed for reasons you would not believe! So I am well versed on all these plans and acronyms. First they want a family group conference but I fail to see what that would achieve as my older children work and have their own families, their is an 18 year old ½ sister from their Dad, who we are close to but she is 27 weeks pregnant herself and lives with her mum. I am googling scenarios to try and keep the girlfriend at home and the baby the care of our families, and the only logical solution would be for baby to come to our house, and his Mummy literally around the corner and would be welcome here to spend as much time as she wants with her son, also giving my son the opportunity to be a Daddy and the 3 of them bond as a family. If they want them to be supervised I'm willing to do that. I just want to do my best to ensure neither my son's girlfriend or their son entering the care system. I am wondering if anyone can offer any similar experiences or action whilst I hang on a limb waiting for SS to return my phone call.. thanks in advance.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear dsm10

Welcome back to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear that you and your family are experiencing difficulties. You are due to become a grandmother in August as your 15 year old son and his 13 year old girlfriend are expecting a baby then. Both young people have additional needs/disabilities and attend a specialist school for children with Special Educational Needs.

It sounds as if both your family and the maternal family are willing to support the young parents to care for their child or to care for the child if needed. However, there are complexities which you have described which mean that currently it is not recommended that the couple can live with their baby, with you, in your family home. This is because they are underage and children’s services cannot allow this.

The girl’s mother failed a viability assessment previously. However, she has successfully argued that she should have a fresh viability assessment. Children’s services have agreed to this but not given a timescale yet. We have a guide to viability assessments here (information for kinship carer in the appendix: D) which you may want to share with her.

There has been a pre-birth assessment and there is a pre-birth child in need plan in place. Your son’s girlfriend already has a child in need plan. You have been advised that children’s services will begin pre-proceedings. This is likely to be prior to the baby’s birth but any court (care) proceedings cannot happen until the baby is here.

Currently, the girl’s mother is being asked to agree to her daughter being placed in a voluntary section 20 arrangement prior to the baby’s birth to allow her to settle in. Then, I am guessing that the young mother will also be asked to agree to a voluntary section 20 arrangement for her baby to join her in the placement. She will have parental responsibility(PR) for her baby as soon as the baby is born. Your son won’t immediately have PR but he will get this if the mother names him on the baby’s birth certificate. Please see here for an explanation about fathers’ PR.

There are plans for the baby’s mother to have a cognitive assessment and a parenting assessment. Your son may also be asked to have some assessments.

Both young parents will be represented by solicitors in the pre-proceedings and care proceedings processes. Both can also have advocates due to their additional needs and young age. They may also want to think with their solicitors about intermediary support in the court process. Please see the following guides which should be helpful:

• Guide for children working with advocates, and
• good practice guidance on working with parents with a learning disability, produced by the Working Together with Parents Network.

You are, of course, a parent who is advocating for her son. However, it may be good for him to have a professional, trained advocate to assist him in relation to his baby and as a young father with SEN so that you can help him as his mother and grandmother to the baby. There can be a conflict of interest at times if a parent/grandparent is trying to fulfil too many roles.

You are not convinced that the recommended family group conference (FGC) will be effective. It is good practice and can be really helpful for families to have this family meeting which they are prepared for and which is facilitated by an independent FGC coordinator. FGCs can be a very useful way of making sure that a child’s family and friends’ support network understands what is happening and can come together to draw up a safe family plan for the child involved. You have already come up with a proposal for the baby to live in your home with your son and his mother to live nearby and visit regularly. The downside of this is that it would separate mother and baby which is always a last resort. A FGC would help the network explore this and all potential options to look at possible short-term and later long-term arrangements for the baby. We have more detailed information here which I hope will explain this in more detail.

Please see our specialist advice for young parents which you can find here. Your son and his girlfriend may be interested in Family Nurse Partnership support for young parents and their baby during pregnancy and until the child is about 2. If interested, you can check on their interactive map to see if there is a service in your area.

I hope this has been helpful.

Please post back with further queries or updates . If you would like to discuss the situation with an adviser please call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. We also have an advice enquiry form and a webchat facility if you prefer.

Best wishes

Suzie