No Contact Allowed With Daughter - But OK to see other kids ?

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BobbyMac
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2022 8:48 am

No Contact Allowed With Daughter - But OK to see other kids ?

Post by BobbyMac » Mon Aug 08, 2022 12:22 pm

Hi - I'll try and bullet point the situation, but feel free to ask any questions you like if it helps with the advice.

A 16 year old friend of my daughter (also 16) alleged that I put my hand up her skirt (at least a year ago, I haven't seen her since last July). I was arrested 2 weeks ago and all my electronics were seized.

I was released on 28 days bail, conditional on not contacting the girl concerned AND not having unsupervised contact with anyone under 18.

My daughter lives with me, not her mother. Her mother threw her out 2 years ago as she was going off the rails. Over the past 2 years I have done everything I can to get my daughter on the straight and narrow - and have succeeded. She is due to start college and do A levels next month.

After my arrest, my daughter moved back to her mum's until the issue is sorted.

LAST WEEK - my ex wife turns up, demands I leave the house whilst my daughter collects clothes and necessities. I explain that I am allowed supervised contact and show her my bail sheet. She then tells me that social services have superceded that and I am not allowed ANY access to my daughter !

I phoned the arresting officer who said she had no knowledge of this. I had also received no information from social services about this !

This happened on the Saturday - on the Monday I DID receive a call from my daughter's social worker, who confirmed I am not allowed to see her, but she couldn't tell me why I could still see other under 18's.

This makes absolutely no sense at all. My daughter is not involved in the case, is perfectly happy here and wants to stay here.

I have an assessment this week with the social worker, but she says it could take at least 45 days to make a decision - which means I will miss her GCSE results and her starting college.

There is no question of anything untoward being found on my electronics - no dodgy websites, no dodgy photos, no dark web nonsense, nothing illegal at all, I am not remotely concerned about that, although losing my hard drives means I have had to close my printing business - all my designs, images and software are on the computers.

Nor did I put my hand up this girl's skirt - I believe this is a revenge attack on my daughter following their falling out and ongoing disputes between them. But - trying to remain calm and rational, I fully appreciate this has to be investigated, so, for now, let's leave that part to one side.

As of today - August 8th - it's 17 days since my arrest and that's17 days where I haven't been able to reassure my daughter. She will be worried sick about me and I'm afraid she will sink back into her previous ways and go off the rails, the longer this goes on. I still, 17 days on, haven't received ANY official notification that I am not allowed to see her, other than a call from social services last week. I would have thought at the very least, I would be sent some kind of written explanation ?

What is most infuriating is that there has been no assessment on her mother (a teacher no less !) - nor have they asked how my daughter came to be living with me in the first place. In short, she has been removed from a warm, safe, loving home and parent and sent back to live with someone who discarded her when she was smoking, drinking, sending nudes and self-harming. It is bonkers.

I haven't been charged with anything - right now all of this is happening on the word of the girl. The only evidence the police mentioned was the actual accusation - again, something I haven't done.

I can understand the "no unsupervised access" bit - yes, I'm bloody angry, but I understand the reasons for it.
I cannot for the life of me understand why my daughter is "no access at all" - it makes zero sense.

I know what some may be thinking, but I can assure you, 100%, my daughter is NOT involved in this case at all - in fact after my police interview, the arresting officers told me that my daughter and two of her friends (who were in the house at the time) had fought my corner and said it was utter BS and that "hopefully, the worst is over now."

Anyways - if anyone has been in a similar position and can offer any insight, I'd be really grateful.

(I can't reply quickly, but I will when I have access to a computer)

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: No Contact Allowed With Daughter - But OK to see other kids ?

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Aug 15, 2022 10:54 am

Dear BobbyMac,

Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.

You say in your post that your daughter's friend, who is 16, alleged that you had put your hand up her skirt. You were arrested 2 weeks ago and your electronics were seized. You have been released on bai with conditions that include not contacting the girl and not having unsupervised contact with anyone under 18. Your daughter, who usually lives with you, has moved in with her mother. Last week, your ex-wife came to the house with your daughter and asked you to leave whilst your daughter collected some belongings. She said that children's services had stipulated that you were to have no contact, supervised or otherwise, with your daughter. You say that you received no information about this, but it was confirmed by your daughter's social worker the following Monday. You do not understand why this is and say that the case does not involve your daughter.
There is currently an assessment ongoing and you are worried that during this time you will miss your daughter's GCSE results and her starting college. You deny the allegation and say that there is nothing to be found on your electronics, however you do appreciate this needs to be investigated. You are worried that in the days you have not had contact with your daughter, her behaviour may deteriorate. You also say that there has been no assessment of her mother. You would like an answer as to why you are not allowed unsupervised contact with your daughter.

Firstly, children's services have opened an assessment, which as you have been told, can last up to 45 days. At the end of the assessment, the social worker will make a recommendation as to whether children's services needs to remain involved or whether the case can be closed. Given the nature of the allegation made against you, it is not unusual that the social worker has asked your daughter to move in with her mother. Whilst your daughter did live with you, they will not automatically assume that her mother is unable to care for her unless there are specific safeguarding concerns. If you do have specific concerns, then you should communicate these to the social worker during the assessment period.

As you have acknowledged, your bail conditions do not allow you to have unsupervised contact with your daughter. Children's services may make recommendations above and beyond this - in this case, they have stated that no contact should happen at all. Whilst they do not have the legal power to stop you seeing your daughter supervised, if you ignore this recommendation, they may escalate their level of involvement. Nevertheless, it is understandable that you feel confused and frustrated by this. I would advise that you write to the social worker and ask him/her to explain to you in writing clearly why this recommendation has been made. You should emphasise that your daughter's safety is your top priority, and that you would like supervised contact to take place in line with her best interests. You may want to request that the social worker does a risk assessment on you prior to any supervised contact taking place and that a safety plan is developed to ensure that your daughter's needs are centred. If there are any steps that you can begin to take to address the risk they may currently think you pose, you should ask for these to be outlined.

If you are not satisfied with the social worker's response or think that you are being treated unfairly, you may want to speak to the team manager. Beyond this, you can also consider making a formal complaint. Please see here for information on how you may do this.

Finally, as your daughter is 16 and able to express her views and wishes, she may also benefit from the involvement of an advocate. You may want to suggest to the social worker that one be arranged for her. Please see here for a list of advocacy services for young people.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

BobbyMac
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2022 8:48 am

Re: No Contact Allowed With Daughter - But OK to see other kids ?

Post by BobbyMac » Wed Aug 17, 2022 9:04 am

Hi Suzie

Thanks for your response and apologies for the delay replying to this. I'm in a horrible place, mentally, right now and haven't felt able to sit and type for too long.

Since your reply I have met with the social worker involved in the case and things have progressed more or less as you mention in your reply - in fact, practically step by step, with her stating that whilst I could - legally - see my daughter, right now it would be best all round to wait for the assessment to be concluded.

As I anticipated, my daughter is struggling again - a situation that has been made worse by "someone" harrassing her online and on her phone. It has always been my belief that this whole episode is actually an attack on my daughter, not me, following a disagreement between her and "someone" else. The police have visited that "someone" about this.

I always treated the girl concerned with the utmost respect when she visited. Her then-girlfriend is also friends with my daughter and was also a regular visitor to our home - right up until the day I was arrested. I did mention during my interview that - despite the alleged incident being over a year ago - she never mentioned it to her girlfriend, or warned her not to come round here and that this only happened after they split up. The girlfriend and my daughter have remained close friends.

As it is, all I can do is wait and see how it pans out. I'm actually more sad for the girl than angry, especially as it will have caused her own parents a great deal of stress as well. It's a horrible situation for everyone and I hope it resolves itself soon so we can all get on with our lives.

Thanks again for your reply.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4210
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: No Contact Allowed With Daughter - But OK to see other kids ?

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Aug 19, 2022 2:11 pm

Dear BobbyMac

Thanks for your further post. I am glad that my response was helpful and that it was consistent with the information provided to you by the social worker when you met with them.

I am sorry that the situation is still so difficult for you, your daughter, the other child and everyone involved, which you also recognise.

It is important that you have some support for yourself when you are struggling. Your GP may be able to suggest some support for you or you may find the service listed here to be helpful too.

Your daughter may benefit from speaking to an adviser at Young Minds or Childline if she is also struggling at present.

There are additional useful services here.

Wishing your daughter well with her forthcoming GCSE results.

Best wishes

Suzie

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