Source of false allegations

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Devastated30
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2022 8:49 am

Source of false allegations

Post by Devastated30 » Tue Jun 21, 2022 7:57 am

When a child abuse investigation is over, is it possible to find out the source of the allegations in cases where the allegation is proven false or unproven?

I have been wrongly implied to have reported my best friend's daughter to her local school for 'serious and sick' allegations. I don't know what the allegations are or if they are against my best friend or her second husband as she has not told me the nature of the claims or which of them is being accused. But she said they are doing a full investigation which sounds very serious and from what I have read both parents will be fully investigated now as that is where the daughter lives. The police had also done a welfare check out of the blue which was terrifying for them all.

For whatever reason, she thinks that I reported this! It has literally broken my heart. I have been crying non stop and feel absolutely devastated she could think this of me. I can only think that one of the allegations has some hint of truth to it that she thinks only I would know. But she is putting two and two together and getting 5,000,000. It is too late for our friendship as I cannot forgive that she would accuse me of something this heinous after 10 years of close friendship, it has just destroyed me. But I do want to clear my good name.

I have been in touch with the safeguarding lead at her daughter's school to ask if they can just simply 'eliminate' me to my best friend's family as the source. i.e. I know they cannot give out the name of who did report this, but just to say, that it was not me. I have done this by email and it is clear in the email thread, that was the first time I had been in touch with the school but although the safeguarding lead was sympathetic, I don't think she can do that as she has now said she cannot communicate with me as I am not part of the school. I have also asked the same of Children Services who are doing the investigation but not heard anything back yet. I called the Police also who said they only were sent a report with redacted information so can't tell me who sent it. When they said 'sent', it made me think it must have been an email or letter sent to the school, and not a parent in person (as I thought it would be). As if it was told in person, then the report would not be redacted and the police would not have said 'sent'. (I don't think). I find it strange that a non parent of the school would report to the school as it more anaymonous to ring somewhere like NSPCC. I am not a parent at the school and I said to my friend logically if I was to do something so heinous I would have been a bit smarter and made an anonymous call to NSPCC, and not get in touch with the school where there will be some type of tangible evidence (if in person,the school has the name, if on phone, then recording or number shown, if email then IP address and if letter then fingerprints, dna, ect.

My best friend is an amazing mummy and her husband is a good stepdad (from what I have seen) so I just can't see that anything will be found negative about either of them during this investigation so unless something has happened I am not aware of, I am sure who ever is being accused will be cleared. It is either innocent things taken out of context by other children told to parents or a teacher, or it is a case of something malicious and totally unfounded. But the fact she thinks it could be me, breaks my heart and makes me worry for unjustified reprisals at a later date.

Would be very grateful for any help or advice on whether any of the agencies involved can help me clear my name. Many thanks

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Source of false allegations

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jun 24, 2022 11:22 am

Dear Devastated30

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear of the difficulties that your friend’s family are having and that your friend is blaming you for this. You state very clearly that you are not responsible and did not raise any concerns about your friend whom you believe to be an amazing mother. It is important that concerns about children are properly looked into to make sure they are safe and well and also that children's services only stay involved where this is necessary.

In the situation you describe it is your friend who has drawn the conclusion that you are the source of allegations against her family. I can understand your distress if you feel that you have been wrongly accused. It seems that your friend does not accept your assurances that it was not you and you have not been able to convince her otherwise. You fear that there may be repercussions in the future.

You have contacted the different agencies involved with no success. From what you say, it seems that the school was made aware of the concerns and then rightly passed them onto children’s services to assess. You have had a response from school already clarifying that they cannot assist.

You are awaiting a response from Children’s Services. I hope that they will provide you with a response from their perspective. I cannot predict what they will say in their response.

However, as you are not the parent of the child involved and you clearly state that you are not the referrer they will need to take great care to protect the confidentiality of all involved as it relates to highly sensitive personal information about a child and her family. Children’s Services can receive information from you but do not have to share information with you. They also did not receive the information directly but via the school.

If the referrer was anonymous or sought agreement that their anonymity would be protected / that their details will not be shared, then all agencies should respect that.

You could ask children’s services to put a note on file that you would like it recorded that you have not raised concerns.

Your friend, as a parent with parental responsibility (PR), may also want to make enquiries from Children’s Services about this but the same will apply if the referrer was anonymous or specifically requested that their details are not disclosed.

As your query relates to personal data and information you could contact the Information Commissioner for advice too.

If you are able to support your friend then please encourage her to access our advice information or to call the freephone helpline to get advice about the current assessment.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

Devastated30
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Jun 18, 2022 8:49 am

Re: Source of false allegations

Post by Devastated30 » Mon Jun 27, 2022 7:27 am

Thank you so very much Suzie for your most kind reply, I really needed that. I will ask Children Services to record that I have not raised concerns - that is such great advice. Prior to my ex best friend suspecting me, I had previously encouraged her to push for the source of whoever has done this, which I am sure she is doing. I also encouraged her to get a solicitor to push for such things so I hope that her legal team can find a way to uncover this for her. I understand from what you say below that they probably cannot say who raised the concerns but I hope someone external can at least genuinely assure her that it was not me.

I felt SO alone with this and being heard by you made such a difference, thank you so much. I really hit rock bottom. At first due to what was happening to my ex best friend/her daughter/family as it just came out of nowhere and it was so upsetting. I have known her daughter since she was born and love her to moon and back. My ex best friend and I have had no arguments or issues, we spoke every day on the phone putting world to rights. Not that any argument would cause me to do something so horrendous. There is just no motive or malice in my heart so it just rocked me to the core that even a small part of her could think this of me. Although I do think it is more her husband who has talked her into thinking this.

I feel things very deeply especially about people I love and I could not function for the first couple of days of crying and had breathing issues. And then when it hit me that she/her husband suspected it could have been me (as they shut me out and de-friended me on social media - he did it first, then her a couple of days later), I hit another massive low and had to ring the Samaritans. The nature of this issue makes it difficult to confide in anyone else for support, although I have now told a few close friends (not related to her circle of friends) what has happened as I could not cope with this anymore and needed emotional help. I am conscious not to speak about it in her social circles as not kind to her to have this as a possible rumor. I am sure the investigation will clear whoever the allegations are against but a rumor is more difficult to clear. Even though she and I will never be friends again I obviously hope this is all gets resolved asap and they find out who really did this and move on happily with their lives. Thank you again, your counsel is spot on and your empathy means so much at such a tough time.

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