I came across your forum when an NSPCC advisor sent me the link to it. I'll go over what has happened, it is quite long so apologies for that.
I moved out of the family home 3 years ago due to my ex wife being very controlling, manipulative and she's an alcoholic. She 1st went to get help after I suggested it 9 years ago. Relapsed twice since then.
I was round every single day to see my kids and we ate together as a family.
Most recently July 2021 when she got totally blind drunk while I was there and in front of my 2 boys aged 4 and 6 and my step daughter aged 14. She was sick everywhere, bad mouthed me to my 2 boys then spent the rest of the day sobbing in bed. I kept checking on her to make sure she was OK and asked her to come down see the kids who were all in tears. She refused telling me I could sort it.
I did so. Fed them, kept them busy, got PJs on teeth brushed and read them bedtime stories before tucking them in.
Once I knew both boys were asleep I told my step daughter to ring me anytime and I need to know if mum starts drinking again or any problems contact me straight away. She agreed so I went home.
I was gobsmacked and cried my eyes out totally devastated when I got home. Couldn't believe what I had seen and what my kids had too. It was horrendous and my heart was broken for them having to see their mum in that state.
I was unsure about contacting SS as didn't want my kids taken into care and my flat is quite small so not really practical to have them here long term.
She said sorry next day and told me she was getting help. I thought great.
I stepped up my game, went round earlier, picked my son up most days, did most of the shopping and cooking in a bid to try help her and my family.
This changed in October 2021. I came round mid afternoon like I do everyday. However I didn't let her know I was coming, thought the boys would like a surprise visit, so to speak. I let myself in like normal and my wife was sat on the floor messing about with the printer. My step daughter on floor frantically tidying up the lounge and she looked like just been told off. There must have been well over 500+ Lego pieces all over the kitchen floor. Both boys putting Lego in a pretend blender and was was flying everywhere. My wife totally oblivious and doing nothing to tell them to stop or discipline them. I was surprised at the state of the house there was mess everywhere and when I said this she flew off the handle and went ballistic. Shouting and saying to get out, she didn't want me in the house. All in front of both boys and my step daughter. For the sake of my kids and keep the peace I spoke to her in the lounge and said that I'd go. Then she admitted she had been drinking since 2019 after her gran died. I couldn't believe it she been drinking for 2 years, and how did I not notice?? In front of my children. Yet again I was devastated. Really upset. My 4 yr old was born in 2017 so she'd been an alcoholic for half of his little life. All the shopping I'd bought was in the house as I ate there every night. I asked if I could take something to eat. Kissed my kids and said goodbye.
The next day I immediately spoke to my sons head mistress and made appointment to see her. I told her what had happened and she was aware of some but not I had told her. I said about my concerns for the health and well being of my sons as I was no longer able to see them and keep an eye out for her drinking again. She assured me school were keeping any eye on both boys but did mention slight concerns about the half term.
My ex wife is a control freak and can be very quick tempered, not all the time but more so when she has no alcohol. Initially she told me if I didn't pick my sons up then I could not see them. Then eventually she said I could see them every other day. Since then she has been totally unreasonable and awkward.
My wife continues to be bitter, awkward and just rude to me. Sometimes in front of my kids.
Last month one of my boys was poorly so I offered to get other one to school to help and she said yes even though it was not my "day" to see the boys. Similar thing few days later I took them for covid swabs with her. She has invited me in the house as my 6yr old was crying and told me to stay with him. Been in the house quite a few times and a few days ago she invited me up to her bedroom to show me some of what she'd got kids for Xmas.
This whole past 6 months has been a nightmare and has destroyed my life and my mental health has suffered. So much so that my GP has referred me back to the CMHT. I miss both of my sons dearly and any minute we get together is spent laughing and trying to teach them.
(19th October 2021) my wife sent me message saying both boys would ring later. I said that I had few errands to run and can I take them with me for an hr or so. She said no she needing to get petrol so I asked if I could see them when she was home and she said no as it was not my "day" After a few back and 4th messages I said I'll pop over as I wanted to see them.
When I got there the downstairs curtains were drawn, which is very unusual. I rang the bell and she shouted to go away. I kept knocking and shouted that I wanted to see my boys, can I please? I could hear crying inside from the house and I was concerned and wanted to check they were OK. Went round back and looked in kitchen doors. My wife was half in half out of the kitchen, looked like she was on phone and she had a hold of my 6yr old so he couldn't move freely. I said just want to see my kids why is she behaving this way? Her daughter shrugged as if to say here we go again and she couldn't understand what was going on.
I'd seen enough. My kids deserve better and so for the sake of my boys I walked away and got into my car. I sat there for about 30 mins as I had a feeling she was on phone to the police and I wanted to talk to them.
While outside I sent their head teacher an email to let her know what had happened and asked for an urgent meeting.
I didn't know what to do so I went to the police station. Closed. Sat outside in my car on hold to the police as I was disturbed by what had happened and what my kids have had to see. No one answered.
When home I did some research as I needed some help or advice on the best thing to do. The gov.co.uk website mentions the NSPCC or Social Services so I rang the NSPCC and spoke to a really helpful man, told him what had happened and after chatting to his manager he said ring 101 and someone would make a follow up call to me in the next few days.
Back again on the phone to 101 but after being on hold for well over an hour I've given up and decided to email SS and tell them what has been going on.
Since then SS have been totally unprofessional and very amateurish in their handling of the case.
Initially someone rang and said that someone would come to see me in a few days. Never happened. Then a letter arrived saying someone would come see me that week. Again never happened. Then one Sunday I had my boys with me and my 6yr old who has SEN told me a woman had come to see him and mum at home last week and is going to his school. I couldn't believe it and knew this was SS. The very next day I rang them got the number of the SW dealing with case and said how disappointed I was and I felt discriminated against because I reported her(ex wife). She said sorry.
Fast forward to 23rd December she brings the initial assessment round then left. They had upped it to CIN. I got half way through it before I had to chuck it on floor in tears! It is so one sided and a disgrace. Full of basic factual errors. Makes ex wife look like mother Theresa. She has got the surname of step daughter wrong, my sons names wrong, the conditions wrong, has drunk ex wife's views on what happened when she was paralytic (even though she texted me next day saying cant remember much), it's full of her lies and makes me look like a homophobic man(step daughter bi), it does not even mention the incident I reported her to the police for! It's a disgrace.
I texted her straight away and said I'm reporting her. She rang and agreed to re do the whole report. So I spent 10hrs+ putting together all the concrete evidence to show my ex wife was lying. Sent it off. Thing is I'm still waiting for the report. Texted her Friday and today but no reply....
Sadly on Xmas day in a video call I witnessed my ex wife pushing my son making him cry then cutting me off! I asked her about it in a message and she said both boys were saying strange things lately. Thing is I have been videoing all calls for months.
Immediately spoke to NSPCC, texted both SWs and then reported to the police. I had brief call from DC next day, but absolutely nothing since then despite me sending 2 emails asking for an update. I find that unbelievable!
Just 4 days after that in another video call her daughter pushes my 4yr causing him to cry. Ex wife no where, does not ask what happens or comes to comfort him. Again speak to NSPCC and following their advice report to police.
In my opinion ex wife thinks she's got away with 1st incident as not in report, she does it again Xmas day and daughter learnt that's the way to treat my 2 boys. All this while SS are investigating.
I'm taking her to court in Feb for emergency C100 and I'm LIP.
I'm really at my wits end and mentally/physically suffering but got to keep going for my 2 boys who are my life.
Sorry for going on.
Thanks for reading.
