Help for my child

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Kingfisher
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Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2021 4:13 pm

Help for my child

Post by Kingfisher » Thu Nov 25, 2021 6:32 pm

Hi, sorry to bother you, I was just after some advise please.
Myself and my ex have a CAO order in place and has been in place for 2 years since I left my ex partner because she was physically, mentally and emotionally abusing my and her older son was hitting our son that we had together, our son is now 3 and he is very vocal and since August this year our son started coming out with to my mum and sister that he is getting hit and shouted at by his half brother and his mum and he was always turning up with bruises on him and massive scratches down his face from my ex partners dogs. Our son gets really scared and cries his eyes out and says he doesnt want to go to mummy and stuff like that everyweek when going back to his mum and just goes really quiet. Also one week our son was getting his haircut and the hairdresser pulled me over because she found a bruise on top of his head what cutting his hair which was weird because when our son mentioned about mummy hitting him he said that she hits him on the head and other places. My ex partner also tried moving on and started trying to give me a bad name by telling people that I use to hit her and stuff like that which was very upsetting and it was tge other way round as she was investigated by the police for physical abuse towards me. She use too send me disturbing stuff when we was in a relationship like pictures of other women saying to satisfy myself over them, she has really played with my head. She's also been trying to play with our sons head by telling him he's not allowed to like other women and thst daddy always lies. It's just all really getting me down at the minute. Sorry for such a long post and hopefully you can help. Thank you

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Help for my child

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Nov 26, 2021 6:24 pm

Dear Kingfisher

Welcome to the Parents’ Forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I can see that you are very worried about your little boy and you are wanting advice about what to do. You are concerned that he is being hurt and shouted at by both his mother and his older half-brother. He also seems very distressed and has said that he doesn’t want to return to his mother. I can also see from the information provided that this is getting you down at the moment too. I understand that you want to be a protective father and so are seeking advice on the best way to do this.

You have a Child Arrangement Order (CAO)for your son and he spends time with both you and his mother. It is not clear from your post exactly what the arrangements are. You have explained that you were a victim of domestic violence from your ex-partner and you state that she has since made allegations to other people about your behaviour towards her which you deny and find very upsetting.

You don’t mention your son having a social worker so I think that he doesn’t have a social worker at the moment. However, I strongly recommend that you contact your local Children’s Services department urgently to discuss the concerns you have for your son when in his mother’s care. You can find a link to your local council’s website here and then search for Children’s Services or ‘report a concern about a child.’ We have information about how Children’s Services work here which will help you understand their role and their procedures.

Alternatively, you can contact the NSPCC helpline directly on 0808 800 5000, or you can email them or submit an online form.

I recommend that you do this as soon as possible as your son is young and dependent on his parents and because the incidents you describe are concerning. Your son has:

• Told his grandmother and aunt that his half-brother and mother are hitting and shouting at him
• Presented with bruises
• Presented with massive scratches thought to be from his mother’s dogs
• Been scared and tearful and said he doesn’t want to go back to his mother’s
• Been very quiet
• Had an unexplained bruise on his head
• Said his mum hits him on the head and other places

You mention that this has been going on since August although you don’t say when the bruise on his head was found.

When Children’s Services are made aware of the concerns they will let you know if they are going to do an assessment and if so, what sort of assessment. They will also be able to give you advice on the steps you can take.

As a father with parental responsibility and a CAO in place you can seek legal advice from a solicitor or Child Law Advice about your legal options in light of your concerns e.g. if considering applying to vary the existing order or stopping contact due to safeguarding concerns.

There are some additional services that may be good for you to know about to offer you support:

Men’s Advice Line – for male victims of domestic violence
Family Lives – for parenting support
Gingerbread – if you are a lone parent.

I hope that this advice has been helpful to you. If you are not satisfied with children’s services response when you contact them please ring our freephone advice line to discuss this with an adviser. The freephone number is 0808 801 0366 and the opening times are 9.30 am to 3.00 pm, Mon to Fri (except Bank Holidays). Or you can post again if you need further advice about children’s services as this is the area of advice that we provide.

I have sent you a private message too.

Best wishes

Suzie

Kingfisher
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2021 4:13 pm

Re: Help for my child

Post by Kingfisher » Fri Nov 26, 2021 8:40 pm

Hi again, thank you so much for responding, yes the bruise on his head was found in August too. I have reported it all to social services In August about stuff that I knew at the time that my son was saying was happening to him and they spoke to mother about the scratches on his face from the dogs and mothers excuse was that it was because it was a puppy but social services said that was unacceptable no matter the age of the dog. I told them I have pictures and messages from my sons hairdressers, witnesses my mother and sister who my son originally was telling all this too. But social services don't seem to be doing anything, all they said to me was that they was going to speak to her and this was 2 or 3 weeks ago and I've not heard anything from it. It was the police who got social services involved because they came around to my house to see what my son had been saying and stuff so they did a vulnerable child report. I have seeked legal advice and they have advised me to do and emergency application to court to stop contact. I know this woman is a violent person as she was violent to me and use to threaten our son when we was together and was always slamming doors and shouting then too I still have messages of all that too. I just want to do whats best for my son and its so awful seeing him get so upset when he has to go to his mum. Thanks again and kind regards

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Help for my child

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Dec 01, 2021 11:01 am

Dear Kingfisher,

Thank you for your updated post.

You say that you reported your concerns to children’s services several weeks ago but haven’t heard anything back from them. I would suggest that you get back in contact with children’s services to follow this up with them and ask them to let you know what action they have taken and what their next steps might be. It may be useful to ask to speak with a manager regarding this.

If you would like any further advice you can call our helpline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm) and discuss this with an adviser. Or you can post back here again if you prefer.

Best wishes,
Suzie

Kingfisher
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2021 4:13 pm

Re: Help for my child

Post by Kingfisher » Wed Dec 01, 2021 2:49 pm

Hi, yes I think it was like 3 or 4 weeks ago I spoke to social services but they never take it seriously, I've told them I have pictures of the scratches down his face, I have witnesses of the bruises on top of his head and my mother and sister who my son has been saying all this too, even this weekend when he had to go back to his mother he literally cried his eyes out pulling my top and wouldn't let go of my hand its seriously getting so bad how as soon as he has to go to his mother he just totally changes, just cries his eyes out, goes mute when his mother is around its just really upsetting to see how he is soo scared to go to her. Just seeing the bruises on him and him saying what his mother and his half brother have been doing to him is soo heart breaking but she keeps getting away with it
Even after physically abusing me for so long then she goy away with that, I really don't want my son having to keep going through this

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 3255
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Help for my child

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Dec 03, 2021 12:52 pm

Dear Kingfisher,

When children's services receive a referral, they must make a decision within 24 hours about the next steps that they are going to take. When you last spoke to children's services, they should have responded to your referral and explained the reasons behind any decisions made.

If someone from children's services did speak to you and informed you that they were taking no further action, you may want to raise a formal complaint, given that you have raised significant concerns about your son. You can do this by google searching your local children's services complaints department, and directly contacting the complaints officer.

If you did not receive any response to your complaint, please contact them again immediately as advised above.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

Kingfisher
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2021 4:13 pm

Re: Help for my child

Post by Kingfisher » Fri Dec 03, 2021 4:15 pm

Hi again, when I spoke to them they never said they wasn't taking action, all they said to me was that they were going to talk to the mother about it so I'm unsure if they have or not but the last time social services were involved for things that was happening to our son she was given her final warning but yet still she's gets more chances, it's pretty shocking to see to be honest especially how it is affecting my son. I'll have to gibe them a call and see what action they are taking.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 3255
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Help for my child

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Dec 06, 2021 5:36 pm

Dear Kingfisher

Thank you for your further post.

You have stated that children’s services said they would speak to your son’s mother. In that case, my advice remains the same as previously, contact children’s services again to find out what action if any they plan to take. This is the best way now.

Pleas also read the information in the links provided so you have a clear idea of the procedures children’s services should follow when they receive a referral.

I hope that you will get a clear response from children’s services regarding safeguarding measures for your son.

Best wishes

Suzie

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