I am a sex offender father please help me

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Oct 05, 2020 8:31 pm

Dear Consuk,

Thank you for post.
It sounds like you are having a really difficult time right now. If you need extra emotional support at this time, you could call the Samaritans on 116 123. They are available 24 hours a day.
In relation to your conviction and the detrimental effect it is having on your life-including getting a place to live, you could contact the Just stop it now! advice line on 0808 801 0366. They can also advise about your conviction as well as about courses you could do to reduce your risk level if you are not getting access to them at the moment.
I can really sense your frustration with the social worker. You need to remember that you are a father who has rights to be consulted as part of the assessment process and should have some involvement with the child protection process. Please see our FAQ’s for fathers.

Unlock -is a charity for ex- offenders. Have a look at their website for support that might be available such as accessing a place to live.

If you have any questions or need further advice, please post again.
Best wishes,
Suzie

ConsUK
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Joined: Sat Jul 13, 2019 11:20 am

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by ConsUK » Fri Dec 11, 2020 5:43 pm

Hi Suzie, I can tell after a while that my social worker don't give a ... on rehabilitation and courses, she just remind me again that for her 10 years no chance to change something on the plan as long as i will be close to my son, doesn't matter that my probation officer is very satisfied with me and I'm doing good work , I got job I found a place were to stay , I have almost a year and half without re offending, she fully convinced my wife to divorce and make a new relation , she speaking with my son when she wants at school or nursery and God now's what she is telling him because he is coming home and doesn't say nothing to his mom. She believes that my son is happy and is enough one hour supervised contact per week. I tried to record her but didn't work when she said that doesn't matter if probation or someone else will say I am a low risk , in their eyes nothing will change.
I lost everything because of me, is true but this system doesn't help in anyway just pushing people to suicide or make them to never be rehabilitated.

city951
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Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2016 6:13 pm

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by city951 » Wed Jul 21, 2021 1:25 am

I started this thread over 5 years ago - anyone fancy an update?

Its now 3 years since the family court made an indefinite supervised order and therefore i’ve been assisted every Sunday by my parents at their family home. I moved out finally last year and have my own place and am currently trying to renovate it up to standard in the hope that my kids will be able to spend time here with me eventually.

Its a massive burden on my parents especially when my ex expects us to have the kids for days during school holidays etc, id happily do it on my own but its a bit much to impose on my mum (whos now mid 70s) especially on top of what they already do and it creates a massively anxious atmosphere at times that upsets us all.

My daughter especially has been asking when she can spend time with me at my house and really she must wonder what the hell is going on and why my mum has to always be chaperoning. Its too late now for them to forget this period of their lives even if things change.

My kids are 5 and 7 now, the youngest not even conceived when i was arrested and yet here i am still fighting for access. I cant pick them up from school, have never met their teachers, Ive never met their mates, mates’ parents, don’t get invited to their birthday parties, cant drive them to my sister’s houses, cant take them to my friend’s houses, cant even take them for a bike ride.

Because i'm a glutton for this fight Ive reapplied to the court for unsupervised access, which my ex wife has actually agreed to verbally but insists we get it ratified by the court. Its pretty apparent to me that she has absolutely no concerns about me but just wants to drag this out - there will be an argument to have in court though because she will say no to overnight access currently and yet i have been told that the court wont want us to keep going back to court to adjust things in the future.

Currently i'm awaiting a first hearing but the court has felt the need to make me get an updated assessment from the LFF which will cost me another £700. Since the last court hearings in 2018 I have taken the ‘inform plus’ course (£700) that was recommended so this report will be an update to see if my risk has reduced (despite the LFF stating last time that my risk was as low as they could possibly categorise it to be ie ‘low’)

So we go on…..I did have my SHPO removed in January (against the police’s wishes and which cost be £1000 in legal fees) which allowed me to get a proper job at last. It felt like literally the first thing id won in 6 years.

A note on the police whilst under SHPO / SO notification for those affected - do not trust them and do not give them information about how you are feeling / your personal or social life etc. They will twist everything you say, put it in an assessment and then deny getting it wrong when queried.

They also didn't visit me for 2.5 years and yet once i submitted the application to have my SHPO removed late last year they made 3 unannounced visits in about 5 weeks trying to catch me out. They went to court and said they felt i was still a risk because now i lived on my own i had more opportunity to offend. They also said they suspected I had a computer even though i literally invited the police officer to search my house when she was raising this point on one of the visits - which she then did.

They also had in the past managed to find out about women id dated and gone to visit them, making completely unlawful disclosures of my offences and asking about the sex we’d had etc. The police officer even put in her report details about me having dated with women with children and that being a concern (these were tinder dates basically) and also that one woman had put pigtails in her hair for me and that therefore i was a risk to children (even though my crime was illegal pornography just to clarify).

Anyway the judge saw through all that sh1t and said the police were categorising me based on their hunches and nothing else and set me free - thus allowing me to be ‘rehabilitated’ for employment purposes

ja2167
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2018 7:44 am

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by ja2167 » Mon Aug 09, 2021 5:21 pm

Did your ex wife have to agree to your parents doing the contact?

I’m currently going through the family courts as social services have told me I can’t allow my ex to have contact with our 3 kids. He hasn’t been charged (yet)

I

ja2167
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Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2018 7:44 am

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by ja2167 » Mon Aug 09, 2021 5:21 pm

But is taking me to court as social have told me if I allow contact my children will be put on a plan which will make me loose my job

Kitty 33
Posts: 98
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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Kitty 33 » Tue Aug 10, 2021 10:38 am

Well my bf is on the sex offender register as no restriction on him at all we just done a pre birthassessment and we aint aloud to live together I have had to move in whit his perants and when she is born he is aloud to the birth but as soon as she is born he as to leav and only come bk at visit times whic he as to be supervised evan tho is restriction have been taken off him

H32XX
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2021 3:55 pm

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by H32XX » Thu Oct 14, 2021 9:32 am

Hi everyone just looking for advice my partner was recently convicted of sex with a minor the girl was a few months off her 16th birthday. He was in his early 20s (Not excusing the age barrier.) He was sentenced 5years got put on the register for life and also a SHPO for life and cannot be around females under 16 unsupervised - also the issue is I am due a baby the end of the year which is a female , I am asking if he will be able to see our daughter while I supervise also his own mother SS have said he is allowed to see her upon release once in a contact centre or if I supervise but to be honest I don't trust them telling me this I am going to ask for this in writing.. any advice welcome thank you

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Oct 15, 2021 4:18 pm

H32XX wrote: Thu Oct 14, 2021 9:32 am Hi everyone just looking for advice my partner was recently convicted of sex with a minor the girl was a few months off her 16th birthday. He was in his early 20s (Not excusing the age barrier.) He was sentenced 5years got put on the register for life and also a SHPO for life and cannot be around females under 16 unsupervised - also the issue is I am due a baby the end of the year which is a female , I am asking if he will be able to see our daughter while I supervise also his own mother SS have said he is allowed to see her upon release once in a contact centre or if I supervise but to be honest I don't trust them telling me this I am going to ask for this in writing.. any advice welcome thank you
Dear H32XX

Welcome to the Parents’ Forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. However, I can see that this is also a stressful time for you as you are worried what the arrangements will be for your partner to see your daughter when she is born and following his release. He has been sentenced to five years and placed on the sex offenders register and under a Sexual Harm Prevention Order for life. This indicates the seriousness of the offence.

It sounds as if children’s services have done an assessment and are recommending that any contact between your daughter and her father is supervised either at a contact centre or by you. This suggests that they are satisfied that you are a protective parent and able to supervise safely. Your partner’s mother may need to be assessed too if she is a prospective supervisor.

You should make sure you have a written copy of any assessment completed or safety plan proposed. You are right to ask for confirmation of any recommendations or decisions in writing.

Your partner will not automatically have parental responsibility(PR) for your daughter when she is born – unless you are married, he is registered on her birth certificate, you take steps together to give him PR or he applies for this – you can find out more here .
You might find the Parents Protect website helpful or you can call their confidential helpline on 0808 1000 900 to discuss the impact of your partner’s offence on you and your daughter.

Please post back if you have any further queries about children’s services or call our freephone advice service on 0808 801 0366 – the lines are open between 9.30am and 3.00 pm, Monday to Friday.

I hope your baby’s birth goes well.

Best wishes

Suzie

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 166
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Wed Nov 10, 2021 2:23 am

Regarding City's update:
Immense congratulations on getting your SHPO removed; in all my enquiries into the same, the message seems to be that there is not a cat in hell's chance if the police oppose the application, no judge would go against them. You obviously had a good lawyer or cut a strong impression in yourself. Once this is removed, though, it seems to me you are rehabilitated period - not just for employment purposes - I mean the point of a SHPO is that it is to 'protect the public' (particularly children) from harm. Thus, if it is removed by a judge, it's implicitly on the grounds that it is seen as no longer necessary for the purposes of protecting the public. You're not a risk, in other words. I find it totally unacceptable, therefore, that the CS place themselves in a position of wisdom above this and they decide that you still are a risk, a clear contradiction to the expert (!?) authorities responsible for sentencing (and then discharging) the actual crimes you did commit. So, what? - even though you're no longer a risk to children at large, they deem you are still a risk, separately, to your own beloved children, furthermore this in the absence of you ever committing an offence on them or any evidence that you've contemplated it. They're allowed to suspend your human rights on the basis you 'might' do something you have never done. I cannot comprehend how this is legal in the 21st century in Britain.

Then, on top of this, you've already completed assessments with LFF and achieved the best possible results. All the evidence is there to suggest you are not a risk to your children, I don't see how can they ask for more? That to me just stinks of corruption, in that it's a cynical strategy to attempt to keep their backs covered forever (well, until your kids are 18 and they no longer care, not that they 'care' now in the true sense of the word). You've had your SHPO removed, you haven't committed any new offences, so why would your risk have gone up from the last low-risk assessment? It's a black farce. What about the work from your actual sentence; probation, offender rehabilitation course requirements? If these have been done, signed off that you engaged and fulfilled the requirements, that should also say that you've been understood and you've addressed the actual offending behaviour. I say 'actual' because there is nothing else to be put into the equation. I hope this 'risk by supposition' will be outlawed in my lifetime, but I'm not holding my breath.

How has you latest application for unsupervised contact gone? Your children and your family needs it, it's about time the CS and family courts stopped harming them.

I'll post my own update in separate message.

Kitty 33
Posts: 98
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2020 9:48 am

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Kitty 33 » Sat Nov 13, 2021 6:51 pm

My ex as had is sopo removed my daughter got fake away from us at birth she is naw 12 weeks old and we are fight to get her bk we are doing a pams assessment at the moment we have all so got to do a a forensics psychologist assessment mine is to see if I can protect my daughter from risk and see if I understand the risks and is is to see what risk he poses even tho the police and court says he is low risk

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