Supervised contact

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Supervised contact

Post by Fairyfly89 » Fri Oct 01, 2021 9:01 am

Supervised contact is going ahead for my ex and our 2 children.

It’s supervised by my mother. I have asked for his family members to be assessed so is not solely on my mother. She’s not someone who helps me or babysits for me etc. We’ve not got a close relationship. Social first said his mum could supervise too, that once the CIN case is closed it’s upto me to make sure someone is there supervising, whoever that may be, now no one else can and if I want someone else I have to go back through them, no idea if that means opening a new case? Which I will never ever do!

They said as a whole they can go out, now they cannot they have to stay in her home. They said they can go out with him driving as long as the children are in the back and some else in the front with him, now that’s not allowed.

Every time they come I’m told something different, by the same social worker, and it’s making me incredibly stressed & anxious.

I’m trying to avoid going to court for the sake of my children and myself and our mental health, we’ve been through enough!

My child want contact, as does he with them. He’s on bail at the moment.

They said I can drop the kids off & collect & stay if they are feeling upset, they’ve not seen him for a year! Now not. Even though I have the in writing from 2 separate people, the Manager and the independent complaints person, the new social worker is now saying I cannot! Obviously not near him, another room until they are settled & happy to see him etc,

They’ve already made my life a living hell, I’ve started having panic attacks when they’re coming and been ill in other ways. I’m in the midst of a massive complaint about their conduct, to which they acknowledge the first social worker acted on personal judgement rather than fact or professional judgement.

They are closing once contact is set apparently. Which I cannot wait for! This is the third time they’ve told me they’re closing! They were meant to close 7 months ago! And then made excuses I don’t know why citing different reasons to me then to the CIN meeting and minutes then in the assessment. In the assessment there is approximately 1 or two things correct, the rest all incorrect, to which they refuse to correct!

How do I know what can and cannot happen if I’m told differently each time? Do they just stay in that house forever?! Never going to the park or for a walk etc?! What if my mother gets ill? She’s not allowed to be under stress due to a serious medical condition! I was told contact stops and we have to go back through them for a new assessment of whoever! I honestly don’t know why they cry about not having enough time or staff when they’ve wasted so much time on my none case. I’ve done nothing btw which they agree & no safeguarding concerns about me, it’s all him. There are safeguarding concerns with him, serious ones, which is why it would always be supervised!

Do I get a written report with the information? Although it will contradict what I’m told each time!

I don’t know what to do! But I do know my mental health cannot take much more from them!

My children refuse to talk to them or leave their rooms when they’re there because how horrendous we’ve been treated!

Thank you.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Supervised contact

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Oct 06, 2021 4:37 pm

Dear Fairyfly89

Thank you for your post.

From what you have written (and especially as you seem to say that you are getting mixed messages from the professionals involved with your family) it might be useful for you to ask for all of the information that children’s services hold about you, then perhaps you might complain about the way your ‘case’ has been managed.

Additionally, and in relation to contact the National Association of Child Contact Centres hold a database of centres where ‘safe contact’ may take place. This may not be ideal for your children or for yourself: but it may be an option for the future.

Further, you might find it helpful to speak to your GP about the ‘strain’ that this situation is putting on your mental well-being. Mind the charity has some useful information about coping in stressful situations.

I hope that these suggestions are helpful.

Best wishes


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