How could this happen?

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As11
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2021 9:14 am

How could this happen?

Post by As11 » Thu Jul 22, 2021 12:11 pm

My ex partner has had social services involved because of neglect of my son who is living with him. I was invited to take part in the care plan, I had to chase for updates and didn’t get anywhere, when they were going to close the case I raised the fact that I had experienced domestic abuse from my ex partner and he was living with another women with kids, they said the wouldn’t keep it open just because of that, my son has had 10 referrals over 10 years, 2 or 3 of them without me living there. One social worker described the amount of referrals as disguised compliance from “dad” it also states that my ex fails to see the importance of my son and I have contact. Now 3 months after social services have left my ex has taken my son to xxxxx to live, at the time it was on the pretence that his parents were ill and they would be back for the beginning of term in September. After some more digging my ex finally told me he had moved there with my son. How can this happen they was clearly a lack of supervision from social workers. Nothing that was put into place has been followed up, now I’m going to have to go through court to get access to my son despite me mentioning to social services that my son had mentioned that they were moving back in October 2020. Why is it that the words disguised compliance was mentioned but nothing seems to have changed I’ve struggled to get anyone to listen to my concerns and take me seriously that I suffered domestic abuse from my ex partner. He has now taken my son away from me and limits my access to my son he controls when I can speak to him he goes through my sons phone to check up on what’s been said I have mentioned this to social services again and again. How has this happened why was he allowed to tell them what they wanted to hear, there is a pattern of this every time they have been involved this is what happens. I feel so let down and that social services have been enabling my ex partner to do what he wants and my son is suffering. They have enabled him to keep abusing me the only thing he had left to control was my access to my son which is now harder he has left with him. I had to go through the court process to keep my daughter, my new partner ex made allegations about him. We have both been honest and open about what’s been happening and we have had parental assessments which are positive. A parent with a history of neglect and abuse has been allowed to carry on with nothing been put in place. My son should be on a child protection plan, he should have been a long time ago. Now I am away from my ex partner I have been able to prove that I can look after myself and put my daughters needs first. I can provide a clean and stable home for my daughter and get her the time and attention she needs to thrive. How can social services just leave my son with his dad when clearly nothing seems to have changed every time they get involved, things improve when they are involved and when they leave it goes back to how it was to begin with, it’s a pattern that they leave it goes back to how it was to make them become involved in the first place. I feel very let down and silenced by a system that seems to think that children are the only ones abused, when clearly my son and I both needed help. No body would listen to me about what was happening, I had to make the hard choice to leave my son with his dad so I could get the help I needed hoping that if social services where to become involved again it could be shown that I was trying to get the help I needed so I could provide my son with a stable parent and a home he could live in. I am actually getting support with all the problems I have had and I am still getting support. I have worked well with social care where I am because they have actually listen to me when I asked that I be spoken to on my own. They have worked well with me. How can I get social services to work with me again where my son is now living. It will be a matter of time before they become involved again something I was trying to prevent for my son.
Last edited by Suzie, FRG Adviser on Thu Jul 22, 2021 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Moderated to protect confidentiality

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