Would they let me keep my baby

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Mum83
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jun 12, 2021 4:37 pm

Would they let me keep my baby

Post by Mum83 » Mon Jun 14, 2021 7:46 pm

Hi I’m 37, 9 years ago I lost my girls due to neglect ,
I was using drugs and in an abusive relationship , my older daughter who in now 18 went to her father and his Family and my younger daughter now 13 went into long term care, Thankfully with my aunt who is a foster career ,
I have had good contact with my girls over the years unsupervised and supervised over nights at my mothers home , and unsupervised weekend visiting with older daughter as the situation is different (NO care plan )
I stopped using drugs 8 years ago and started working , and met my current partner we have been together 7 years unfortunately our relationship has not at times been a good one and we have had 4 big fights that involved the police , the fights was pretty bad on both our part and was all while under the influence of alcohol,The last one was last year and my partner ended up in hospital with a cut to the head and me arrested of GBH for the second time , he was also Arrested for GBH once , last year we both release how stupid we have been and the thought of parting was not a options as we are in love and care for each other deeply , we have made a lot of changes in our personal life’s that was contributed to our fight like stopped drinking and my partner stopped smoking , my partner does not have children and has always wanted a child with me but this was something I would not consider befor due to the flaws in our relationship and obviously my own personal past , and clearly being scared of making the Same mistakes But now I would really like a child and feel ready and more confident in my ability and out relationship, how will my past experience effective my future and the possibility of starting a family
Thank you

Mum83
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jun 12, 2021 4:37 pm

Re: Would they let me keep my baby

Post by Mum83 » Tue Jun 15, 2021 6:37 am

Mum83 wrote:
Mon Jun 14, 2021 7:46 pm
Hi I’m 37, 9 years ago I lost my girls due to neglect ,
I was using drugs and in an abusive relationship , my older daughter who in now 18 went to her father and his Family and my younger daughter now 13 went into long term care, Thankfully with my aunt who is a foster career ,
I have had good contact with my girls over the years unsupervised and supervised over nights at my mothers home , and unsupervised weekend visiting with older daughter as the situation is different (NO care plan )
I stopped using drugs 8 years ago and started working , and met my current partner we have been together 7 years unfortunately our relationship has not at times been a good one and we have had 4 big fights that involved the police , the fights was pretty bad on both our part and was all while under the influence of alcohol,The last one was last year and my partner ended up in hospital with a cut to the head and me arrested of GBH for the second time , he was also Arrested for GBH once , last year we both release how stupid we have been and the thought of parting was not a options as we are in love and care for each other deeply , we have made a lot of changes in our personal life’s that was contributed to our fight like stopped drinking and my partner stopped smoking , my partner does not have children and has always wanted a child with me but this was something I would not consider befor due to the flaws in our relationship and obviously my own personal past , and clearly being scared of making the Same mistakes But now I would really like a child and feel ready and more confident in my ability and out relationship, how will my past experience effective my future and the possibility of starting a family
Thank you

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 3103
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Would they let me keep my baby

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jul 02, 2021 11:46 am

Dear Mum83,

Welcome to the Parents Forum. I am Suzie, Family Rights Group online adviser.

I can see that a lot has changed since your girls now aged 18 and 13 were removed from you after children services had taken care proceedings. You say the reason for them being removed was due to your drug use and you being in an abusive relationship. This prevented you from providing good enough care for your girls. Since that time-8 years ago- you have become drug free. After a long and violent relationship with your current partner you have both made substantial changes in your relationship -you giving up alcohol and he giving up smoking cannabis. This has had a positive impact on your relationship, and you feel that it is now safe enough for you to have a further child. You have to be commended for what you have achieved over the last year. However, you are understandably worried how your past experiences and past children services involvement could mean them being further involved.

If you went ahead with your plans, children services would want to do a pre-birth assessment to see all the changes you and your partner have made and to see whether you could still benefit from any further support. They would essentially be assessing whether your baby could be a risk from domestic violence and any other factors. If they were worried, then they would be providing support to address those issues. A big factor could be whether you have got the time to address any issues they identify-hopefully before baby is born. Given the level of the domestic violence that had occurred, they are likely to remain involved once your baby is born. This could be at a level of providing support and monitoring (child in need/child protection) or possibly at a higher level-with care proceedings-if they felt that your baby was at serious risk of suffering significant harm. They could ask that you separate from dad and protect baby from your relationship. I cannot give specific advice but you could speak to your solicitor. You could also discuss your plans with a your daughter's social worker.
Here is information for parents to be. which includes the situation when parents have had previous children removed from them.

To give you an idea as to whether there is further work to do, and to reduce any interventions by children services, I suggest you look at the original court judgment at the end of the care proceedings, the guardians report and the social workers reports. Have you addressed all the factors-such as getting support for the domestic abuse since the last most recent violent incident-a year ago? If not, then I recommend that both of you find out about courses/ programmes in your area to make sure any potential abusive behaviours have been addressed. Even though there has been no physical abuse of each other, other forms of abuse could still be happening. Can you be assessed by your local drug and alcohol services as well? Was there an assessment of your mental health during the care proceedings? Was treatment or therapy recommended? If so, have you completed this?
To find out about accredited domestic violence courses you could both speak to the Respect phone line and also look at Women’s Aid’s website and your partner could also speak to the Men’s helpline.
Here is information about domestic violence and children services .
Your post shows how far very you have come. If you need further advice, please post again or you could also call our free and confidential helpline on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie

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