Social worker is bullying me

[BCN71]

My son is on a interim care order and i am due in court 20th October. Since court i have done alot myself i have done the triple p parenting course i am doing the freedom programme and a few more i have stuck to every appointment and task given to me even though there were no concerns on my home i have fully re decorated and transformed my sons bedroom new freshly painted walls personalised wall stickers new bed chest draws etc. My ex partners family regularly report me with lies and have said im a drug user and alcoholic i have agreed to do both tests. Since court there has been no evidence on anything that has been reported, my social worker is also leaking my information out to my ex and his family she also came into my home and did a search but this time she took all my bedding off took all contents out of my wardrobe my dirty washing basket she literally searched everywhere and was acting like she was desperately trying to catch me out on something,she is my sons social worker but how she treats me and now my home i dont want her heae no more she is lying about me and the way she treats me is awful. The amount of stress and pressue she is putting mw under i had to have paramedics out as i was struggling to breath with tight chest pains and was told its down to stress she has also stated the judge took her side on the interim care order she might just take him all together i have tried so hard but im so scared im going to loose my little boy when ir comes to court because she is not only nasty to me and admitted she wants my son out my care but is one sided with my ex partner i can show her proove of abuse i get off him no action taking he makes lies about me she is on me like a ton of bricks.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear BCN71

Welcome to Family Rights’ Group’s parents' discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser. I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are currently experiencing and the stress you are under.

I am going to respond to your two posts here. I apologies for the delay in responding to your first post. We are receiving a high volume of queries at the moment.

First of all, I just wanted to say that I am sorry to hear that you suffered the bereavement of your first child some years ago. I don’t know if you were able to avail of any bereavement counselling at the time but it might be something worth considering even now. Here is a link to Child Bereavement Uk for support and information.

You are currently going through care proceedings for your little boy who is 3. He is in foster care at the moment. You are worried about a couple of things in particular:

(a) whether your son will be returned to your care at the end of the court case, and
(b) you are finding it very difficult to work with the current social worker who you find behaves very badly towards you and who you feel is biased against you.

I will try to give you some advice and information to help you with these issues.

(a) Care proceedings

The interim care order that is in place is a temporary measure which allows children’s services to safeguard your son during the court process while assessments (including your assessments) take place and while planning is undertaken. The court will decide at the end of the case if the threshold criteria have been met and will consider whether the risk of harm is likely to happen again and what changes you have been able to make. If the court decides to make an order it will then consider what order to make in your son’s best interests based on the ‘welfare checklist. One possible order which the court could make if they agreed that your son should return home but this should be supervised or monitored by children’s services is a supervision order. It will be really important to liaise closely with your solicitor throughout so that you can prepare for the final hearing and outcome.

Unfortunately, I cannot predict the outcome of the care proceedings but I can see from the information you have written that:

• You are taking on board concerns, listening to advice and being proactive which you admit that you did not do in the past
• You are getting support with, and improving your parenting by completing the Triple P parenting course, and you are cooperating with the parenting assessment that the social worker is doing (even though you might find that difficult)
• You are keeping all your appointments
• You are doing the Freedom Programme so are getting help to recognise domestic violence and to keep yourself and your son safe
• You are willing to address allegations that have been made against you in relation to drug and alcohol use by agreeing to be tested (has the court directed this?)
• You are getting help to manage how you deal with anger
• You spend time with your son x 3 times a week via video calls
• You are preparing your home for your son and have put time and effort into making his room very special for him.

All of these steps that you are taking are very positive, show that you are moving forward and that you are willing to make changes to help your son. This is the right approach to take during care proceedings as it is the best way to demonstrate that you would be able to provide good enough care for your little boy if he returns to your care.

Keep this progress up and don’t be distracted by other people’s issues or behaviours such as your ex-partner and their family, as you can only be responsible for yourself. However, as you think that the social worker is ‘leaking information’ to them you should discuss this first with your solicitor telling them what you are concerned about and why; they can advise you on confidentiality in relation to court proceedings. Once you have had some advice from your solicitor if need be you can raise this as a concern or complaint with the social worker’s manager.

You should also make sure that you are aware of any other assessments ordered as part of the court process. You can also ask – the social worker, Guardian and your solicitor – if there is anything else they would suggest that you address at the moment.

Has the Guardian been in touch with you? Their role is very significant and they are independent of children’s services so it is important that their knowledge of what you are doing and how this affects your parenting is updated.

I think that the following guide to care proceedings, tips on working with your solicitor and this advice sheet which sets out what should happen in terms of care planning and looked after child reviews etc will be helpful to you.

We also have specific advice on contact with children in care during the coronavirus outbreak as well as our original advice sheet on contact with children in care . Have children’s services recently reviewed the arrangements to consider offering direct contact between you and your son? You could talk to your solicitor about this and raise with the social worker and IRO too so that this is kept under regular review as the response to the pandemic evolves.

(b) It must be very challenging as a parent if you are finding it very difficult to work with your child’s social worker. The social worker is your son’s key worker and will be reporting to the court so you do have to find a way of working with her. Here are some suggested tips that might help.

If you think that the social worker is ‘lying’ about you in her statement to the court then you should raise this with your solicitor who can advise you best on this in terms of cross-examining her for example. However, if possible where you think she has misinterpreted or made a mistake about something try to raise this with her/her manager as soon as possible to try to resolve.

You can of course make a complaint – here is our advice sheet on this – but please be aware that the complaint may not address matters that are being dealt with by the court. You should get legal advice from your solicitor if you do want to make a complaint while the court case is still happening as you wouldn’t want to risk it having a negative impact on you in the case.

I can see that you are struggling emotionally with this and you feel that your health is being impacted. It may be a good idea to talk to your GP to make sure that you get the right help. Family Lives provides telephone parenting support and might be worth ringing if you feel you want to talk to someone about the impact on you.

I hope this helps.

With best wishes

Suzie

[BCN71]

Hi thank you for replying
I was given the chance to see my little boy face to face but declined due to the 2 metre distance he doesnt understand it and i know he will want to run up and hug me i didnt want him to feel like i didn't want to know or didnt care or upset him any more.i have spoke to my solicitor about the leakage and shes in the process of typing it up. I feel a bit better after reading your reply as the social worker didnt say anything positive after transforming the whole house and doing my courses she was more i dunno how to put it asking why i started the courses myself which i explained they keep saying about it but dont actually do it. I have been to see my doctors and have changed my medictation its like everytime i feel on top of the world because ive done so much since court my worker always knocks me back down with these malicious reports but since court not one have been proven with any evidence. The court asked me to do a alcohol test but i requested a drug test as social worker and ex keep commenting ive lost weight and i sometimes dont look myself demanding what drugs im on i dont and never have taken drugs its stress and the fact im so worn out with trying my hardest with everything. Also a physiological report after doing it through a video call i thought i did very well to read back on the report due to my first son passing away she feels i have a dangerous and murderous mind and my son isn't safe in my care which got to me alot my first son died after an accident with a television i had a tv which was brought for me and we placed it on the draws as struggling to get it on wall ive never ever left my 2nd child alone around a tv. I changed down in size due to this and had the new one securely up but because it was on the draw for a few days i was called dangerous and murderous and my son not safe in my care my sons only ever had 1 tiny accident im so cautious but her report just on that small part is making me worry x

[BCN71]

Also you asked if i have spoke to the guardian i have only spoke to the guardian once which was before court and my son was still in my care i haven't spoken or heard from her since

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear BCN71

Thanks for your further post.

I can see that the situation continues to be stressful for you but don’t lose sight of the efforts you are making. I hope that the change in your medication will help you.

It sounds very much as if you are trying to do what you think best for your son and so have opted for video rather than direct contact at the moment as you are worried that he would find social distanced contact too upsetting. The arrangements can be reviewed though as guidance and practice develops.

I think that you should discuss the psychological assessment with your solicitor and ask how to respond to it or challenge if need be. It must be challenging having a ‘virtual’ psychological assessment – there is recent guidance on this which the psychologist presumably followed.

I hope that your parenting assessment is progressing – try to take on board any feedback you receive in order to show how you can take on board advice and can change and adapt as needed.

With best wishes

Suzie