I'm pregnant and worried

[Mummy to be 80]

Hi there I really need some advice .

I have recently found out I am pregnant and I’m due to marry my partner in September of this year I will then be 7 months pregnant. We are very happy in our relationship but I am frightened to death social service will be knocking at my door put my child on a register or even remove them due to my partners previous relationship there was domestic violence between them and the mother if his child took an overdose whilst pregnant which resulted in the child being removed permanently and where adopted put this was 4 years ago . Previous to that he was in another volatile relationship.
I have known him 20 years and know his exes where not nice people and there has been no problem between me and him but im scared that the social will take my baby because of the previous problems he has had . I have also been in a domestic violence relationship a couple of years ago which ended up In me leaving and having a restrain order put on my ex and me getting him prosecuted . So do I ring the social services or wait for them to contact me its stressing me put I just want to enjoy my pregnancy and us be a happy family

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mummy to be 80

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board, congratulations on your pregnancy and your future nuptials.

From what you have said domestic abuse has featured in yours and your partner’s past, but you also say that when you experienced DV you took steps to address it and that ended in a prosecution of the perpetrator. You will have evidence of this and may have done some courses about domestic abuse or taken advice at the time.

You have not said that you have any other children, but your partner does, and he was known to children’s services in the past. I imagine the way children’s services might become involved with you is from a referral from a professional such as a midwife.

If you have not done so already, I suggest that you contact Women’s Aid, to refresh the knowledge you have about domestic abuse. For your partner Respect might be able to advise him. If he has done any work or courses about DV he will have evidence to give or show to the social worker that he has changed since they were last involved with him.

It is likely that social workers will want to do an assessment of you and your partner, here is some information from our website for you to read and gather further understanding of your situation and social workers potential future involvement with your family. If you prefer to talk about your situation, do call us on our confidential telephone advice service. The lines are open Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 3.00pm, the number is 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes

Suzie