Child in need/Foster carer

[FOLLOWER402]

Hi

My kids dad and I are separated for 3 years and recently he was charged with child ponogrophy. I am aware of grooming and I am one of those over protective mums who have not only educated my kids about rape and inappropriate adult child relations I also share with the kids when I read stuff like this. So u can imagine my horror when I have now become a statistic. I am feeling alot of things but I main feeling today is. I am alone in the country with 3 kids my plans for my kids was when I die their dad has them. Now I am wondering how do I get information on social care. I want to know how many percentage of families are split. If I die I want to know how likely will my kids be split. How likely will my kids be affected by crime because they are in social care. I want to understand how to approach his parental right at the early on in the process. The kids are not showing any signs of being groomed he has admitted to watching and downloading and chatting all regarding child ponogrophy. He is will to do whatever it takes to get the help he needs to do his time in Prison. The thing is the kids absolutely love him and even though he and I never got along and have been separate for many years his relationship with his kids has always been something the kids cherishes. So I want to way the pros and cons if I die what happens with my kids if statistically the chances are a family could adopt them all and they would be in a loving home then maybe I will feel better but if not then I need to work with him and make more of an effort to ensure that social services know my wish with their support that he can have his children if I die. As a parent I always planned all of this but now I am not sure how do I get all this information on foster families so that way when I die I want them to be safe. Or if they staying with their dad I want this to happen while I am alive so I know that he got the help hepellineeded and social services will not separate my kids. Excuse my spelling this is a lot to be typing

[FOLLOWER402]

I also have another question. I only met once with the person that needs to do the assessment cause my child is classes as a child in need or vulnerable at this point. But I find that when I speak to the social worker I later have like a panic attack because it hits me that I am sharing parental responsibility with a stranger my mind knows this is not the case but my heart feels this way. So I am thinking is there any other way I can answer the social workers questions like via email or something. I feel like there in the top of mind answer which is what I share with her then when she leaves I realise their is so much more I forgot to tell her cause I am not the kind of person that listens and responds I am the kind of person that want to listen I want to digest then I want to respond not all in the same moment. It is just how I handle life. But now I am being put in a situation where I need to answer now and the after she leaves I think I missed important information I should have shared with her. I understand the kids are being assess and he is a danger to them but I am taking this personally and I can't help myself and every time she comes over I cant function on that day I cant work I cant eat and I get nervous I feel like I am going to the police station to b questioned even though this is not the case and I fully understand this. How can I interact with her on a different way so I am happy for her to come home be with me and the kids but I am not happy to share personal information with her because I am feeling like I dont wantto talk about my.private life with a stranger I know i have too and I will but is there another way to do this.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi

My kids dad and I are separated for 3 years and recently he was charged with child ponogrophy. I am aware of grooming and I am one of those over protective mums who have not only educated my kids about rape and inappropriate adult child relations I also share with the kids when I read stuff like this. So u can imagine my horror when I have now become a statistic. I am feeling alot of things but I main feeling today is. I am alone in the country with 3 kids my plans for my kids was when I die their dad has them. Now I am wondering how do I get information on social care. I want to know how many percentage of families are split. If I die I want to know how likely will my kids be split. How likely will my kids be affected by crime because they are in social care. I want to understand how to approach his parental right at the early on in the process. The kids are not showing any signs of being groomed he has admitted to watching and downloading and chatting all regarding child ponogrophy. He is will to do whatever it takes to get the help he needs to do his time in Prison. The thing is the kids absolutely love him and even though he and I never got along and have been separate for many years his relationship with his kids has always been something the kids cherishes. So I want to way the pros and cons if I die what happens with my kids if statistically the chances are a family could adopt them all and they would be in a loving home then maybe I will feel better but if not then I need to work with him and make more of an effort to ensure that social services know my wish with their support that he can have his children if I die. As a parent I always planned all of this but now I am not sure how do I get all this information on foster families so that way when I die I want them to be safe. Or if they staying with their dad I want this to happen while I am alive so I know that he got the help hepellineeded and social services will not separate my kids. Excuse my spelling this is a lot to be typing

Dear Follower402

Thank you for your two posts and welcome to the Board, my apologies for the long delay in responding.

Your first post

An answer to your question regarding what may or will happen to your children if they are not adults (i.e above the age of 18 years) when you pass away is to make a Will and leave instructions for what you want for your children and for whom you wish to care for them. Here is some Government guidance about making a Will.

However, if your children are ‘’in social care’ and children’s services have parental responsibility for them, they have the power to make decisions for them until they reach their 18th birthdays, our advice sheet about Parental Responsibility will tell you more.

If you are currently involved in a court case our advice sheet Care (and related) proceedings will give you a better understanding of your situation and it will also be a good idea to have a conversation with your solicitor about your concerns for your children’s futures. You may also find this advice sheet Duties on Children’s Services when children are in the care system useful too.

Your second post

I understand that you feel nervous and find it difficult to share your personal information with the social worker when s/he visits you. One way to address this is to tell them about how you feel and ask them if they would be happy for you to share some of your information in writing, for example, through an email.

Another way that you may feel more comfortable whilst answering questions is via a Zoom, or Skype call or other electronic communication which is face to face but not physically in your home. You could explain to the social worker that when they are in your home, you feel nervous and forget to ask the questions that are on your mind; and you could say that you are not used to talking about yourself and your family in that way and that involvement with social workers is new to you and difficult to get used to. Explaining how you feel may help the social worker to understand you better.

Best wishes

Suzie