advice needed

[JustMe12345]

HI Everyone, hope you are all well

I hoped to ask for some advice please....My situation is complicated as is most I think. So here goes...

I have 6 children 5 from a previous marriage and one with my ex partner. (please don't judge me). 3 live with my ex husband and have no issues.

3 children live with me.
1 - Child 1 is over 18 and has counselling and now has lots of issues around depression and anger issues and needs to see a councillor each week. He is starting to settle but is unable to focus on education.
2- child 2, My 13 year old has been self harming for a number of years and tried to kill herself 4 times. I am unable to care for her and she has been taken to a children's home far away from my home. This is for her own safety. The social worker has joint parental responsibility with her and i know that i can not care for her safely (she is extremely violent towards me and recently ran at me while i was 9 months pregnant with a knife - because I didn't give her money to buy a new phone). She has been through a lot and the Social worker tells me its because of neglect and that i expose the children to dangerous situations.
3 - Child 3 is nearly 9 weeks old - she is living with me at the moment. He has a separate father to the other children. the father is a drug addict, has bipolar and is violent too. he recently cut my head open banging it against the wall. He wants nothing to do with our baby and wants me to give him up for adoption.

and me...

I am currently living in a mother and baby unit with my son. It is far away from my family and my daughter (in a separate children's home). My family are unable to visit because it is so far away but have been once. I am alone in a place that is very isolating. From leaving my husband things have moved down hill constantly. He did a lot of the care for the children when they were little. He had a new girlfriend and he constantly caused trouble for me. Social services have been part of my life since the split.

They first came because of neglect and the school reported it, then it was something else and then something else....just a constant argument. I have a flat of my own and the local charity shop keep things for my son for me too. i had to go to court a few weeks ago because the social worker wanted parental responsibility for my 13 year old and my 9 week old too. they were both granted. i also had to move into this accommodation for 12 weeks to be assessed with constant supervision, cctv and staff watch me every time i change his nappy, bath him, feed him etc. I have completed the PAMs assessment and it was good but had a recommendation for a phyc assessment. I forget lots of things and am a bit slow but i don't think i am crazy....the staff tell me i am very good and now i am allowed outside for a short period of time alone without supervision.

I had to have a phone appointment at court this week where the social services have asked for my son to be placed with my brother (he has been assessed and passed everything) or adopted. the judge has said i need the phyc assessment and the final hearing will be in Feb. Im scared that they are going to take my son away. Will my brother defiantly be given him first? my sons dad has now been identified as the dad through the DNA test and he is going to have the same solicitor as the social worker (the social worker recommended this) he has told the social worker that i have mental health issues and that i take drugs. I have to be tested each week now! to add to this my new boyfriend has left me too because of this mess. I dont want to loose my son.


Now this is when I need advice...How long will this take? what happens between now and feb? will there be a hearing between now and Feb?

[A123]

1st of all all parties must have their own legal representation, from me experience you would be better off with your son going to your brother than adoption atleast that way you can maintain contact if things don't go your way but fingers crossed they do and you can always go back into court to over turn that order but adoption is final and you will never see your son till they turn 18 that's if they want to, definitely stay out of relationships i learned the hard way they will see this as you need someone and you crave attention especially in psyc assessments don't worry about what accusations your ex throws at you if they are lies and you are being tested, i had to prove i didn't have men in my home i asked the social worker how i could do this as she was on my side and she put out of hours in place where they called randomly 3 times a week they were lovely and even told me they felt it was a waste of time but i used that in court as part of my evidence, ask your solicitor to ask them about any courses that's what i done even though i didn't need any suggest this like domestic abuse courses (the freedom program if they know your ex is violent) shows you know the signs and should help if they have safe guarding concerns i've done it twice, offer to do a parenting programme or something similar but work with them show them you can see what their concerns are even if you don't accept them work on minimising their concerns but be honest with them at the same time

[JustMe12345]

Hi could a SGO be changed tho? If my baby gkes wuth my brother, will i ever get him back?

[A123]

yes an sgo can be changed if you can prove significant changes and you have maintained those changes as long as its in the child/rens best interests you would need to go back through the court for that but it can happen

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

HI Everyone, hope you are all well

I hoped to ask for some advice please....My situation is complicated as is most I think. So here goes...

I have 6 children 5 from a previous marriage and one with my ex partner. (please don't judge me). 3 live with my ex husband and have no issues.

3 children live with me.
1 - Child 1 is over 18 and has counselling and now has lots of issues around depression and anger issues and needs to see a councillor each week. He is starting to settle but is unable to focus on education.
2- child 2, My 13 year old has been self harming for a number of years and tried to kill herself 4 times. I am unable to care for her and she has been taken to a children's home far away from my home. This is for her own safety. The social worker has joint parental responsibility with her and i know that i can not care for her safely (she is extremely violent towards me and recently ran at me while i was 9 months pregnant with a knife - because I didn't give her money to buy a new phone). She has been through a lot and the Social worker tells me its because of neglect and that i expose the children to dangerous situations.
3 - Child 3 is nearly 9 weeks old - she is living with me at the moment. He has a separate father to the other children. the father is a drug addict, has bipolar and is violent too. he recently cut my head open banging it against the wall. He wants nothing to do with our baby and wants me to give him up for adoption.

and me...

I am currently living in a mother and baby unit with my son. It is far away from my family and my daughter (in a separate children's home). My family are unable to visit because it is so far away but have been once. I am alone in a place that is very isolating. From leaving my husband things have moved down hill constantly. He did a lot of the care for the children when they were little. He had a new girlfriend and he constantly caused trouble for me. Social services have been part of my life since the split.

They first came because of neglect and the school reported it, then it was something else and then something else....just a constant argument. I have a flat of my own and the local charity shop keep things for my son for me too. i had to go to court a few weeks ago because the social worker wanted parental responsibility for my 13 year old and my 9 week old too. they were both granted. i also had to move into this accommodation for 12 weeks to be assessed with constant supervision, cctv and staff watch me every time i change his nappy, bath him, feed him etc. I have completed the PAMs assessment and it was good but had a recommendation for a phyc assessment. I forget lots of things and am a bit slow but i don't think i am crazy....the staff tell me i am very good and now i am allowed outside for a short period of time alone without supervision.

I had to have a phone appointment at court this week where the social services have asked for my son to be placed with my brother (he has been assessed and passed everything) or adopted. the judge has said i need the phyc assessment and the final hearing will be in Feb. Im scared that they are going to take my son away. Will my brother defiantly be given him first? my sons dad has now been identified as the dad through the DNA test and he is going to have the same solicitor as the social worker (the social worker recommended this) he has told the social worker that i have mental health issues and that i take drugs. I have to be tested each week now! to add to this my new boyfriend has left me too because of this mess. I dont want to loose my son.


Now this is when I need advice...How long will this take? what happens between now and feb? will there be a hearing between now and Feb?

Dear JustMe12345

Thank you for your posts and welcome to the board.

I am sorry to have taken this long to respond to this post and your follow up question posted on November the 5th. I am sorry too, to read about the very difficult time you are having at the moment with court cases and the proposed decisions being made about your children as well as you saying that you are feeling isolated in the mother and baby environment you are currently staying in.

Firstly, it might be useful for you to have a conversation with your solicitor about the plans for your baby and ask for more information about your assessment and how you are doing. The social worker has suggested that your brother will be a suitable carer for your son BUT you have not failed your assessment so you should think of yourself as still being viewed as being able to meet your son’s needs and care for him in the future (or return home with him). As I say, have this conversation with your solicitor. If you need help in understanding the court process, have a look at our advice sheet called Care (and related) proceedings.

You asked about Special Guardianship Orders (SGOs) and whether a child can be returned when one is made. SGOs normally last until a child is 18 but can be discharged (ended) before a child’s 18th birthday, however permission needs to be sought from a court to end the order. It may be a good idea for you to familiarise yourself with what the Order means for birth parents. We have this information in our advice sheet called Special Guardianship: what does it mean for birth parents?.

From what you say it may also be a good idea for you to speak to agencies that might be able to offer you support through this process, POWhER is a charity that you may able to speak too. The Samaritans too, support people who are experiencing difficulties, here is a link to the Freephone 24 hour helpline.

You mentioned that it was recommended that you have a psychological assessment, here is some information that may help you understand that process, page 7 to page 10 covers how assessments might be done during this coronavirus pandemic. The document is quite technical but is informative too, I hope it helps.

Best wishes

Suzie