Sgo

[Sassy S38]

My supposedly best mate has my little 14 month old girl under an sgo ss are no longer involved in my daughters life but if my friend needs them they are still there for my friend, I rang ss yesterday as I have concerns she’s not feeding my daughter properly & that she shouted at her when she got out the bath & had a little accident on the floor, I have other concerns to they are not interested in anything I say!! I cry every day as I just want my baby returned to my care, she was taken awake because of the abusive relationship I was in & because of my mental health, I’m doing Dbt therapy to get my mental health better & im currently expecting another baby with my partner we have turned our relationship around but everyone tells me I have to concentrate on my new baby & not my little girl!! Please someone help me I need my baby girl back as well

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear SassyS38

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, FRG’s online adviser. I am sorry that I have not been able to reply to your post before now.

I am sorry to hear that you are worried about your 14 month old daughter who lives with a former friend of yours who is her special guardian. You are worried about the special guardian’s care of your daughter, have reported your concerns to children’s services and feel that they were not taken seriously. You would like your daughter returned to your care.

If you are seriously worried about your daughter then of course you are right to let children’s services know and can make a complaint if you feel very strongly that they are not looking into your concerns properly.

However, if you are finding it difficult because your daughter is no longer in your care and that your relationship with her carer has changed, perhaps you can ask for some support with this, either through mediation (you can ask children’s services if they can help with this) to help you and the special guardian communicate better or perhaps your counsellor can help you manage your feelings about the situation as this is obviously painful for you.

In order to apply for your daughter to be returned to your care and for the SGO to end you would have to first ask the court’s permission to apply to end the SGO – the court would need to be satisfied that there has been a significant change of circumstances since the order was made and to consider your daughter’s welfare and how likely your application is to be successful. You can find out much more about this in our advice sheet on Special Guardianship: what does it mean for birth parents.

As your daughter is only 14 months old I guess the order was made relatively recently so it may be difficult to demonstrate this. You could speak to the solicitor who represented you about this to get their opinion.

You are now expecting a new baby; congratulations on your pregnancy.

You don’t mention if children’s services are doing a pre-birth assessment – however, it is very likely that they would do this as your previous child is no longer in your care. The assessment should take account of your current situation (what is different now) as well as past concerns.

From what you say, although there was domestic violence in your relationship in the past and you had some mental health difficulties you and your partner are now in a better position. You must have worked hard to make these changes which you explain include turning your relationship around. Was this with the support of specialist domestic violence services and do children’s services agree that your relationship is no longer abusive? You are having therapy to improve your mental wellbeing. Is there a timescale for completion of your DBT therapy?

Here is a FAQ for parents who have had a child removed before and who may be worried about children’s services becoming involved when they have another child:

In this situation, it is very common to be worried that your new baby could be removed (even if your circumstances have changed) and to avoid contact with professionals until some way into the pregnancy. But this is not a good idea - in fact it is likely to make things much worse for you.

The best thing is to do is:

• Stay in regular touch with health professionals to make sure you get the ante-natal care that you and your baby need;
• Work with the social worker to make a safe plan for your child for when they are born. This may include:
• Your understanding and overcoming the problems which led to your previous children being removed and what support you need with your new baby;
* the social worker saying what support you will be given when the baby is born to help you care for them,
* considering whether there is anyone else in the baby's family who is suitable to look after your baby if you cannot.

The social worker will visit you and they will assess whether they think you can look after your baby. In some case if they are worried your baby may be at risk, they might arrange a child protection conference with other professionals can discuss this further. For more information see: advice sheet 9: Child protection procedures
• see a solicitor straight away. They can advise you and help you discuss plans with the social worker, even before your baby is born; and
• discuss with your (and the baby's father's) wider family if there is anyone who could care for your baby safely after the birth if you are not allowed to. If there is, ask those family members to contact the social worker and ask to be assessed as soon as possible.

I hope that this is helpful for you to know so that you can continue to make the progress you have been making and so that you continue to work well with the services or professionals involved with you, your toddler and your unborn baby.

With best wishes

Suzie