Don't like how the children think due to dad

[Lillytiger]

Hi my two eldest grandchildren live with their dad due to my daughter having a mental breakdown. There is no court order stating that the kids must reside with their dad.. The attitude my grandkids have towards their mum (my daughter) is awful although my daughter hasn't helped the fact that when they ask her questions about the past she clams up and doesn't give them answers. My daughter and the kids dad split up years ago. They have only been living with dad for just over a year. They have never Really comuncated. And from what I can gather thier father has been saying stuff around the kids and I belive this is why the think as they do. The kids day don't mind contact as long as I'm there which is fine by me.. I'm granddaughter I Really feel for as she's growing into a lady I feel she's missing out on girly stuff due to 2males in the household. He doesn't like her to wear anything too girly makeup or nails and is often told off by her brother for wanting to be more girly he states she's not allowed. I know my granddaughter misses girly time with mum which is why I tend to have her sleep over at mine most weekends. I wanting advise on how to go about speaking to their dad on the attitude he gives off to my grandchildren. He needs to let her be a girl and stop putting the wrong things into their head.. Any suggustions pls

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Lillytiger,

Welcome to the Parents Forum. I am Suzie Family Rights Group online adviser.

I can see that you are a grandmother and you are worried about your grandchildren who have lived with dad for the last year after their mother suffered mental health problems.
You are supervising contact between the children and their mum and your granddaughter stays with you most weekends. You are worried that dad is being too strict on your grand daughter as he will not allow her to wear certain clothes or use make up. You are also concerned about their negative attitude to mum.
Your question concerns how to approach dad about your worries.
Dad even though he does not have a court order in respect of his children, will have legal parental responsibility for them, if he was married to mum or he signed their birth certificates. A legal order will not be needed as mum is agreeing to them staying there. This means he has a lot of say about how his children are brought up.
However, he may value your input if you tell him your views about his daughter but also about what he is saying about mum. You could say you feel it is not fair and is not in the children’s best interests to hear negative things about mum.
For more advice about how best to approach parents, Family lives give invaluable advice.

Or as you are a grandparent you could post on our friends and family carers board here. There are other very helpful grandparents who can offer you support.

Best wishes,
Suzie