Private proceeding and Guardians

[Outofmydepth]

Hello (so sorry for lengthy comment)
2 and half years old my husband and I separated as we were a drain on his finances, he refused to leave the family home but asked me and children to go. A year passed and I still hadn't secured anywhere for the children and I to go as I had just finished maternity leave for our 3 child. A few days before Christmas he hurt our eldest child (who has special needs) I moved him and my middle child to my parents, there wasn't room for me and the little one so we only returned to the house to sleep. Social services became involved but said it was over physical chastisement and said they would check in after Christmas. Christmas came and he asked if we could have a family Christmas so the elder two agreed to come home Christmas eve but within a few hours he had hurt the little one who also has special needs, so all the children moved to my parents. Again social services said it was over physical chastisement, had a word with my husband and it was left there. I was letting my husband use my car to see the children from my parents but end of January I came home to find the locks changed, we were now all homeless, he claimed he had lost his keys but could of asked for mine. His attitude and behaviour was getting more threatening and demanding to the point school had to contact the social worker to ask him to stop threatening to take the children from school. I went to court and got a prohibited steps order. I started to get threatening calls from my mother in law and my sister in law was threatening me with all kinds of actions. My eldest son behaviour became worse I asked the social worker for advice but he failed to come back to me so I found a counsellor for him and within a few weeks he had made some serious allegations against my husband, the statement he did in his own words and drawing were given to the SW and court but I heard nothing from social services. The children were refusing to see their dad now so then came the section 7, the new SW made such a mess of it she had to be removed and an addendum done in which they agreed what my eldest had been through was now classed as assault and the police informed. The police didn't pursue it as my special needs son could remember when the 3 incidents had taken place. We are now 16months on, on our 7th social worker so no consistent work has been done with the children and they are still refusing to see their dad so a Guardian has been appointed. Over lock down my little one was placed on the extremely clinical vulnerable list and we had to shield but this was when the children and I met the Guardian and new 7th SW. The first thing the Guardian said was if I'm found to be an alienation I will lose my children, SS and court have no other concerns with me.
My husband has been screaming parental alienation to anyone who will listen, you can imagine my stress levels and anxiety over lock down. My husband sent a letter to my eldest which I knew he wouldnt understand at all with his disabilitys without substantial support and while I was willing to do this I'm aware I'm being looked at for alienation so could my husband make it less ambiguous. I was told both the Guardian and SW thought it was fine, this email ended up in the Guardians report to court. The Guardians report said I showed behaviour indicative of alienation i think due to this email and her recommendation was myself, the two children who had been hurt and my husband had to see a psychologist. The thinking tool the Guardian has used in her report that showed my behaviour shouldn't be used where domestic abuse is a factor, I tried to ask her about this but was told to stop being controlling, blocking and to basically get off the phone. She also admitted she hadn't read the clinical reports on my eldest level of understanding of language and how to communicate with him, if she had she would of looked at my email very differently. I have put it to court, I haven't challenged the recommendations just the use of this tool and the lack of understanding of my sons special needs, it has been added to the court bundle and that's all iv been told. The SW did actually contact the specialist after and has really gone into the details of my eldest understanding which is positive but she has a tendency to put words in my mouth and does side with my husband alot. I have been told that I can no longer have separate meetings from my husband (who was emotionally abused and very controlling to me also) i was told we have to move on and show progress so I agreed. My husband and I exchanged communication every other Monday with the SW checking what we are saying before the emails are sent, he has complained I'm very professional in them so iv changed that but having been with him for 13 years I know how he talks and his language and I know it's not him writing his communication to me. Iv voiced this the SW and she agreed but he has said he needs support to talk to me so his sister is helping him but it's his questions and thoughts. It was very much sold to me as we both had to learn to talk to each other but I'm actually talking to his sister, the Guardian and SW have allowed him to continue with it and iv been told if I don't like to go back to court. The SW has told me how thankful my husband is towards her and Guardian and how sorry she feels for him were I am anxious, controlling and challenging.
I'm sorry for the lengthy post but any advice would be so gratefully received I just don't know where to turn. Thank you.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear outofmydepth

Thank you for your post.

What you say in your post, it seems, relates to a private law matter – a Child Arrangements Order. You may find some advice from Child Law Advice and if you do not have a solicitor assisting you one might be found from the Law Society and to check whether you may qualify for legal help Civil Legal Advice may advise. You may also need to speak to someone who can help with the abuse you mention, Women’s Aid may help and the Rights of Women may be able to give you some advice too.

You may benefit from checking what steps original social worker took when it was disclosed that your children were being physically chastised by their father. To gain access to any records held by social workers please read our advice sheetAccess to information held by Children’s Services.

I hope this information is useful.

Best wishes

Suzie