Social workers treating us unfairly

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Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2021 7:29 pm

Social workers treating us unfairly

Post by Lovemypartner » Thu Apr 29, 2021 5:25 pm

Me and my partner got together a little while ago after talking video chats for 5 months. When we met in person we both fell head over heels for each other I’m 35 and she is 29 so not much in age. She had told me that she had social services involved with her from her ex partner who cheated on her with another guy. There relationship was toxic and there is a lot more to it but it’s a lot to Wright but he has now pulled himself away from all proceedings. When I had spoken to her social worker on the phone I offered to do a DBS check they didn’t ask I had offered. But this isn’t good enough for her social worker I have been told that I’m not aloud near my partners children even though half my checks have come back and said I’m not a pervert or dangerous to the children. I have been fully open and honest with everyone. Her children absolutely adore me and keep asking when I’m coming home. But we have now been told after a major incident with her ex partner in a court hearing slating my partner saying she is a bad mum swearing at the judge after the court hearing is when he terminated all contact and everything my partner’s social worker had left a lot of things out of the report for the judge so he threw the book at her as in the social worker . Now we are being told that I’m not aloud any contact with my partner or the children bearing in mind her social worker hasn’t ever met me only once spoke to me on the phone she hasn’t even tried doing any type of assessment for me and my partner which I have been told by a lot of people there supposed to meet the new partner and make a assessment the social worker is same age as my partner and has been making a lot of things up saying my partners 5 and 6 year olds have anxiety they don’t even know what anxiety is as my partner has asked them. They are literally trying to control her life saying that she is not aloud plumber, electrician etc around unless they have been DBS checked there making things up as they go along basically trying to scare her with child protection. I have also been told that they can’t stop who comes round the house the main thing they can say is that I can’t be left alone with the 4 children and have to be supervised at all times which I would have been fine with bearing in mind I have 5 children of my own. Also my partners social worker said to her about everyone like in the world a persons past becomes their future’ now I don’t know about anyone else but I say that is out of order my father was a child malesterer sorry for spelling now I can say hand on heart I am nothing like my father I have no contact with him nor do I ever want to see him he was dead to me at age 14. Can Someone please help and let me know if they can actually do this to me and my partner especially as the social worker is NOT doing her job properly. Any and all advice welcome and thank you from me and my partner

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Social workers treating us unfairly

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed May 05, 2021 3:07 pm

Dear Lovemypartner

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board.

From what you write, your partner is involved with children’s services who are concerned about the ‘safety’ of her children and there is a court case ongoing. I am not sure whether she is in court concerning a Child Arrangements Order with her ex-partner, or whether she is in care or related proceedings, there are however, concerns around child protection (safety) of the children.

From what you write the social worker responsible for the children has asked your partner to agree that you do not have any direct unsupervised access to them or move back into her family home. The social worker may believe that any risk you pose will be of serious concern if you are living with the children and their mother. You have said that the social worker has stated some of their concerns about your past and how it may affect your partner and her children, the concerns the social worker has may be legitimate and hard to challenge; though if you have undertaken some therapy or counselling that explored your childhood/historical family concerns or issues this will be ‘proof’ that you have addressed your past. Perhaps you have done this work already?

You ask whether you have to be assessed and whether the social worker is doing her job properly. Children’s services do not have to assess you although your partner can ask for a risk assessment to be done. We have some information on our website that may be helpful to you and your partner about working with social workers, you can access it here. The Government has produced a document called Working Together to Safeguard Children 2018, you will be able to read about how social workers work with families from page 26.

Your partner’s situation seems complex, and it may seem that she may have to choose between her relationship with you or her children and her life with them: this may be difficult. You both will need to know what might happen if you and your partner wish to continue the relationship in the future – the social worker will be able to advise your partner on this matter, perhaps a written agreement can be drawn up.

It might be helpful for you or your partner to call us on our confidential telephone advice service. Lines are open Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 3.00pm, the number is 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes


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