Feel violated

[Cantbelieveit25]

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Feel violated



will try to keep this brief. Had a falling out with a friend that I had confided in about my ex dp. He had told me he had been to prison for some theft charges in the past. It was a casual relationship which didn't lead anywhere mailny because I think he was up to no good and cheating on me and also due to covid lock downs I didn't see him much really. I fell pregnant unplanned. So called friend im sure has reported me to ss saying I'm in a controlling relationship and apparently given ss some concerning information on my baby's dad even though we haven't been properly together and definitely aren't together at all. After a call from.ss and a home visit , basically demanding information on him , such as his name and d.o.b, she asked me if I had any other names for him which I dont and I also.genuinely dont know his d.o.b as we only celebrated his birthday the first year we met due to covid the last 2 years. I also have no pics as it wasn't a serious relationship and there was no need or opportunities for photos , weird as that may sound but it was more sex and causal that was all. they left and said I will hear by either tomorrow or Monday. Well its now Thursday. I'm worried sick. Also the sw has lied as she told me she was duty sw turns out she is actually senior manager ! I'm really concerned and fed up and being 8 month pregnant with 2 other dc and very distressed as I dont know what the hell.is going on. I feel like a criminal , I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping and I really can't take much more.

[Bossman1959]

Hi.

I hear this was very distressing for you, I feel you are extremly upset by the invasion into your life by child services. Please try to relax I know the story's about them removing children can be very upsetting, your worry will only make you feel worse so please don't.

Please try to eat as its not good for you to go with out, best diet but doesn't actually help you to stay in the here and now. This is a very upsetting time for you, you need your strength to deal with them.

Am sure an advisor will be along shortly, my limited knowledge of child services is they can be very professional at times, which can make them seem aggressive and hostile. I am guessing you have told them there is no relationship, if so it probably won't come to anything.

If I were you I would call and ask if they are looking at taking any action. Based on the fact they have not been in touch yet, my guess would be not, which does happen in a lot of cases.

[Cantbelieveit25]

Thank you for your prompt response. I'm so angry and upset. I know it is this friend she kept asking me for money and is jelousnof my pregnancy. And she is the only one I spoke to about him. They said because it was an anonymous call etc they cannot contact her to seek more info. They also wanted to speak to my children in school which they haven't yet done. They asked me slowly questions and looked like I was lying with my answers. I do ot know much about this man at all. I was told they will seek is criminal record through clares law. I said OK that is fine with me . Tbh I'm not bothered about this man, he isn't in my life. He knows the pregnancy is happening although not apparently bothered. He has not been to appointments and contacted briefly. I passed his number to them , whether he will engage im unsure. After the meeting at my house I was asked if im going to tell him about it. I asked her what she wants me to do. She said tell him we will be in touch. I havent as I dont want to speak with him. He has left me in this mess and im not interested to be honest. I'm busy and I've got a lot to organise. I have massive support and I'm happy to bring this child in the world myself as I have planned from the start.

[Cantbelieveit25]

She also said "we will get to the bottom of this by tomorrow of not in a couple.of days , we will find out who he is" in a threatening way like im hiding a serial killer in my cupboard or something. Then kept going on and on asking who did my garden as I told her im quite capable of doing the garden myself , I just didn't like her and why say sje was duty solicitor when on her linkedn account it says senior manager (lie right there )

[Bossman1959]

Hi,

I can see this is very upsetting for you. You do need to relax and let them do what they do. Running it around in your mind won't change anything, it will just make you more upset.

If the guy is not in the picture then I would doubt they would do anything.

I have known social workers lie before, I do know that social workers take shifts on the telephone, so if she was on the phones, maybe thats why she said that.

It seems from what you say they have issues with the baby's father. I would try to relax, I know its hard. You say you are busy and lots to organise use your energy where its most useful. Hopefully that will help you to relax and be less upset.

Childrens services in my part of the country as so busy at the moment they are putting off the parenting assesments as they have neither time nor resources. Yours may be the same, it sounds as if they are just doing the checks to make sure he isn't a threat. As you say he is not in the picture, they may have classed the enquiry as non urgent. The waiting game doesn't do us any favours though.
Maybe it is a good thing in a way, as he may have lied to you. Or not told you somthing that may colour your opinion of him.

Hope this has helped, am sure an advisor will respond soon.

[Cantbelieveit25]

Thank you Boss man. I am unsure as to what exactly my friend has said as I dont know much on him myself and they also appeared vague on the information they had been given , just that it was of a serious nature and its very concerning. As you can imagine I feel like I've been thrown into turmoil as I've never had an issue over the past few years. I had the police called once on my ex husband about 4 years ago for throwing a remote control at me , and ss got involved over that but as the marriage was over anyway it didn't go further. That's the only ever incident I've ever had. I'm so concerned they are going to put my kids on a cpp despite the fact they have never been in danger here, nothings happened, ? She had already spoken to the schools and said they had nothing but good to say . Checked their rooms and asked about my family and babys dad family, I dont know much about his family tbh or what family he has around ? I'm concerned I am going to receive a court letter or something in the post and they are going to seek removal of my baby at birth and this is what the delay is. Im still working and keep breaking down at work and of course I don't want to go into these issues with my colleagues. I have been made to feel like a criminal and I'm have not done a thing wrong.

[Cantbelieveit25]

also she wasn't on the phones she was the one who put a handwritten note through my door whilst I was work demanding I call them urgently another scare ploy right there

[Bossman1959]

Good morning

I hope you are feeling more relaxed today..


I hear what you are saying cantbeleiveit25, the action of child services can to most seem intrusive and even bullying.

You are not alone in this, as this is a first contact with regards to your baby, and your children are not on a cpp then my initial reaction is don't worry. They have to follow procedures before they make any decision to remove your unborn child.

Yes I have heard where people have had children removed in the past for very posative reasons, have also had thier babies removed at birth. Before they get to that stage they have to investigate and have a reason.

I have also heard that, they have investigated and no action has been taken.
Should they gain an order from the court as it is my understanding you won't give permission, then you can appeal and potentially have a chance.

From what you have said, my opinion is they will not try to remove your unborn baby, you do need to make sure you don't do something that could impact on the care of your children or yourself.

Relax, get the organising and stuff done, you can't do anymore till they get back to you.

Enjoy this time with your children, when new baby arrives they will have to share you.

Happy to talk if it helps.

[Cantbelieveit25]

I cant understand what I have done wrong? This friend has made a referral anonymously about my babies dad and now I've got the worry of it all , I just wanted to clarify a few things that have been going round in my head
: can they find out where the annonymous call came from if not why are they saying they won't confront said friend due to sensitive nature?
:can they notify my place of work
: can they spy on me and watch my phone
: can they remove the children without warning
: how can they see that this man is not a part of my life ? What if they don't take my word for it and don't believe me or trust this.
:can they speak to my neighbours
I just don't understand how this all works , ive nothing to hide , they can spot check any time they wish even 3 am if they want to nothing is happening in my home and nothing ever has.

[Bossman1959]

Hi..

I hear what you are saying, it as if you are being accused with out being able to do anything about it.

Firstly every call to children's services no matter how unlikely has to be investigated, or somewhere some one could be abusing a child. If the investigating officer thought this is rubbish with out investigating, then a child may die or be severely damaged. People call children's services not all ways with good intentions so they have to check as many facts as they can.

It may have been an anonymous call, or the caller may have asked that their name be with held. They can't give a name unless the caller agrees to them doing so. So they may have the information but not be able to share.

Unless you work with children they would not need to contact your work, data protection states that, you employers can't tell them anything. If you work with children they may need to share thier findings if you are seen as a potential threat to the children in your care.

They could spy on you, however they would waste an awful lot of valuable time and money to do so. To access your phone I believe they need a court order, and to get a court order they need more than a suspicion that something is wrong.

I do believe that Unless you arrange voluntary care with them, they can not remove your children with out a court order, and they have to have good reason.

All you can do is answer any questions that you can. They may think it suspicious that you don't know certain information. Like a date of birth, it's usually one of the first questions I would ask a potential partner.
If they don't believe you they have to investigate, as without proof they can't go to court.

A child protection plan needs to follow a correct procedure and at different sections the worker need to be more certain that there are concerns.

I am not sure they would want speak to your neighbours unless they were the initial caller.

Hope that helps calm your fears a little. There are rules they have to follow, you can complain if you are not happy. They as social workers can not act to remove a child with out court intervention I believe.