19 weeks pregnant - advice on social services please

[Re89]

Hello,

I am 19 weeks pregnant. This is my second pregnancy. In 2012 I was 17 years old when I fell pregnant with my son. I am now 26, and pregnant with my second baby who is a girl. At the age of 17 I was living in a women’s aid refuge and basically was a kid and had no common sense when it came to looking after myself and managing money etc. My place was always a mess which resulted in me being removed from there. I then moved in with my father for a little bit, he had arranged with a friend to let rent his house and I managed to keep it nice and clean with the support of family.

My son was out on the child protection register before birth and social services agreed to come out everyday. Me and my father weren’t getting on and my mental health took a dip. They were going to go for a court order but we had a meeting with the chairman who agreed that being in a mother and baby unit is a good option before doing so. I was in the mother and baby unit for 3 months - completed successfully and returned to the community.

I do believe as time went on I was quite isolated out in the country and had to rely on buses to get into town for appointments, having to put coal on top of the pram while waking my toddler home. Maintaining my home with very little money and no confidence in myself which resulted in no motivation. I let my house go abit and my child’s father came to lift him one day - my kitchen was disgusting and I openly admit that wasn’t right for a toddler to live in. He took my son and said to get it sorted, but my son never returned. I had to move out of my house and right back into the women’s aid refuge. (With my child’s father he was seeing someone new and taking my son to his girlfriends house, that really crushed me too and made me feel like I had absolutely nobody again).

I finally got a house a while after and started going to the gym and my mental health started improving. My son was coming to my fathers to see me and because some of the days didn’t suit my Mum to lift him from another town - the child’s father stopped replying to me and I didn’t see him for a year. Which resulted in going to court. The judge agreed that he could come see me every Wednesday for dinner and the evening. That went so amazin for a year until I got into a really abusive relationship. My ex was a known drug dealer and in turn I started abusing drugs - so my mental health deteriorated. I used alcohol to cope in those two years.

My father passed away last March due to a brain aneurysm and I kept drinking to cope and the abuse of my partner was still ongoing. We finally broke up in December 2020 and I’ve stopped drinking and taking anything bad because he isn’t around. I fell pregnant in January with my current partner who lives in a different city from me. He’s very supportive and stays sober and clean.

I need advice in terms of social services
I have went for my appointments, accepted mental health help and the midwives haven’t said to me that they will be involved but I’ve looked at my maternity notes and in my plan it says - pre birth CPCC at 30 weeks
(I live in XXX XXX).

I just want to know what’s the best way to get prepared guys? I feel like I’m in a much better place mentally and I know it wasn’t that long ago that all this dark stuff happened in my life. I’ve bought new carpets for my home, I’m looking after myself and going to every appointment. I just want the best future for my baby girl.

Thank you

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Re89

Thank you for your post.

My name is Suzie and you may have noticed that I edited your post to remove the place name (your location).

I am sorry to read about the concerns you have as to how Children’s Services in your area will work with you and manage your case now that you are expecting a baby.

At Family Rights Group, the national area we offer advice to, is England.

For people who live in Northern Ireland I usually signpost them to a service from this website .

For people who live in Scotland I signpost them to this website.

And for people who live in Wales, I signpost them to this website.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie