I need help to get my children out of care! Domestic violence

[DesperateMumx2]

My two children were taken from me. I was put in a refuge to start a new life away from my violent ex partner (kids dad). I then got a permanent house and everything was going just fantastically, we couldn't have been happier. I then invited the dad to the house to see the boys and I was desperate for money!
The social worker turnt up and caught us leaving the house. Police were informed and a search party was sent out for us. I rang them up to let them know I was at a friend's and they turnt up with the police and took my children into care.
It's been 7 months now, and being in a new town with no family or support, it's been a lonely hard time. I foolishly invited the dad over as I felt he was the only one who had time for me, the only one who understood what I was going through.. we ended up having aloholic drinks all night and he severely assaulted me! Police were informed and I was taken to hospital where I later needed surgery on my face for a fractured cheek.
My children mean everything to me, and if they was here then I wouldn't of invited him over. This wouldn't of happened. I foolishly invited him at the beginning of the year as I was desperate for money..
Is there any way out of this mess for me. I need them home so bad, I have no life without them. My eldest is just desperate to come home, it's heartbreaking. Please can someone help as to what steps I can take. As i just don't know where or who I can turn to for help/support

[DesperateMumx2]

Can a FRG advisor please give me some advice

[Jells12]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I've been through similar circumstances.

I think it's vital you take advantage of a domestic abuse course, such as the Freedom Program or something like that?

You truly need to see and understand the way in which we as victims are can be easily manipulated by our abusers.

Think to yourself, would you really want your children around that environment?.. I mean all the best but they're safe and you now have the opportunity to work on making a positive and PERMANENT change for the future return of your children.. It will happen, only if you take that step.

It's not easy but you can do it with the right help.

Leave him! It'll be the best decision you've made to date.

Good luck and don't give up hope x

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

My two children were taken from me. I was put in a refuge to start a new life away from my violent ex partner (kids dad). I then got a permanent house and everything was going just fantastically, we couldn't have been happier. I then invited the dad to the house to see the boys and I was desperate for money!
The social worker turnt up and caught us leaving the house. Police were informed and a search party was sent out for us. I rang them up to let them know I was at a friend's and they turnt up with the police and took my children into care.
It's been 7 months now, and being in a new town with no family or support, it's been a lonely hard time. I foolishly invited the dad over as I felt he was the only one who had time for me, the only one who understood what I was going through.. we ended up having aloholic drinks all night and he severely assaulted me! Police were informed and I was taken to hospital where I later needed surgery on my face for a fractured cheek.
My children mean everything to me, and if they was here then I wouldn't of invited him over. This wouldn't of happened. I foolishly invited him at the beginning of the year as I was desperate for money..
Is there any way out of this mess for me. I need them home so bad, I have no life without them. My eldest is just desperate to come home, it's heartbreaking. Please can someone help as to what steps I can take. As i just don't know where or who I can turn to for help/support

Dear DesperateMumx2

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, FRG's online adviser. I am sorry to hear that you have experienced domestic violence and to hear of the distress you are experiencing as your children are in foster care. I am also sorry that we have not been able to respond to you sooner; however, you have had a response from Jells12, another parent.

You have explained how the children were removed from your care when the social worker discovered that your ex-partner, their father, was visiting your new home as you wanted him to see the boys and needed some financial help. You had previously separated as a result of the domestic violence. Families do need follow up support in these situations in order to help them keep safe. Subsequently, your ex-partner seriously assaulted you.

As this was 8 months ago, you may still be in care proceedings or perhaps they have just finished. The usual timescale is 26 weeks. It does make a difference whether you are still in court about the children or whether it has ended, also whether the children are in foster care with unrelated carers or with a family member. So in order for me to provide you with more specific advice it would be helpful if you could let us know the current legal situation, whether you are still represented by a solicitor or not and what assessment the court has ordered/have been completed.

Our advice sheet on care proceedings may be helpful either way as it explains both what to expect during care proceedings and how to apply to end a care order if one has already been made. Additionally our advice sheet on reuniting children in the care system with their families has lots of information and tips on what to do.

I think that Jells12 is absolutely right when they say that engaging with a specialist domestic violence service or programme is vital. The main concern that you have described is that you were seriously abused by your children’s father, on more than one occasion, which put your children at risk of harm (emotional and possibly physical too) and that this continued post-separation and after the children went into foster care. I don’t know if alcohol use is another concern?

It is essential that you are safe and that you are able to show children’s services and the court that you can keep yourself and the children safe, that you understand the harm they have suffered and what help they will need and that you access specialist support to boost your parenting (which was probably disrupted because you were a victim of domestic violence). Working closely with a specialist domestic violence service could help with all of these areas. As you were previously placed in and later rehoused from a refuge you have had some domestic violence support before. However, it is widely known that the dynamics of domestic violence are so complex that a victim may need ongoing support to make and keep ‘positive and permanent change’ as Jells12 suggests. Our domestic advice materials for mothers may be helpful.

If you have any other support needs or any other areas of concern have been identified via court-directed assessments then do all you can to address them and ask the social worker, your solicitor or any other professional working with you for help with this, if you need to.

If your family and friends are not already involved (where it is safe) then do ask for a family group conference to try to make a family plan to keep you and your children safe or cared for within your family.

Perhaps you might want to provide an updating post including clarification of the current legal position or you can ring the Freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. to discuss your situation with an adviser.

With best wishes
Suzie