Advisor please read!

[QuestionMark]

I was left in a pool of perpatrators for an injury my late son suffered (four rib fractures on his left side). I had no idea he was injured until after his death when they did scans.

I lost my daughter (his big sister). I've since had another baby boy (different dad). He's 5 months older tomorrow - 2 months older than my late son was when he was injured (according to time-frames). The SW is pushing for an SGO to my parents with a 9 months Supervision Order and giving me 3 hours every two weeks with him! Purely based on my being left in a previous pool - nothing bad has ever happened to him and I know I didn't harm my late son. I also have a very positive parenting assessment and have completed 8 courses. It's also been 17+ months since my late son passed away and all of this began. I've had no contact with my abusive ex (my late sons dad - also left in the pool) for 16 months too.

I'm desperate to be able to take my little boy home and feeling like everything I do to improve where I can is going ignored. The SW herself even said that she doesn't believe it was me who hurt my late son to the hospital staff when she took my new baby from me! Why aren't they doing more to help? I asked the SW why she wasn't supporting me and she said it's because she thinks I'm "manipulative" - that's not a reason to take a child and she hasn't spent any time with me since 20/08/2018 (nearly 5 months) - how can she even make such comments?

According to a NSPCC provided course that I did (Coping with Crying) baby boys between the ages 3-4 months are most likely to suffer harm at the hands of their father or their mother's partner - not their mam. Can I use this statistic in court?

If he doesn't come home how am I meant to explain this to him as he gets older? I'm loosing my children and to this day, I have no idea how my late son became injured. </3

[QuestionMark]

Just to add that I've been told my parenting assessment is "very positive" and it is - there's not a negative thing about me regarding my ability to care for and how I interact with my children. However, the concluding remarks are that, because I've been left in a previous pool, my baby being placed in my care is not supported. I feel so lost. They keep telling me I need to progress but they're not letting me.

[QuestionMark]

Hi, sorry, I'd really appreciate some advise.

No one was charged for the injury my late baby boy suffered. Whilst I know I've been left in the pool, I wish they'd see this from my perspective; I genuinly have no idea what happened to my son, there's been no explanation, no ones been charged - I have no closure or clarity around this yet they're wanting to take another baby from me! Please help.

[QuestionMark]

"This assessment concludes that, whilst ****** is more than capable of meeting the needs of her child, ****, there continues to be a judgement in place that states ******* remains in a pool of perpetrators in relation to the harm caused to her child ****** prior to his death. It is for this reason that I cannot make a recommendation for **** to be placed in the care of *******. It is appropriate to highlight within this summary, however, that this is a very positive assessment of ******, she presented as knowledgeable as a parent and confident in her handing of ****. A good attachment was observed between ******* and **** throughout the sessions"

The above is the summary of my parenting assessment. Can someone please advise me on how I can move forward? I feel like I'm running out of time.

I've completed the following:
- Baby and Child First Aid course with the British Red Cross
- The Freedom Programme by *WIN
- Bereavement Counselling
- Child Protection course with the NSPCC
- Coping with Crying course with the NSPCC
- It's Your Call course with the NSPCC
- Separated Parents Information Programme by Cafcass
- The Triple P Programme

What more can I do?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear SunshineStarRainbow,

You have posted back because you are concerned about the social worker assessment and you want to know what other assessment and support is available to show that you are now capable of parenting your son.

You have recently received an report from children services that is, in nearly all respects, positive about your care of and attachment to your son. However, the assessment says that because you are “left in a previous pool of perpetrators” children services are not supporting your baby coming home.
The law says that a previous finding that you were ‘in the pool’ can NOT in itself be treated as ‘proof’ that you hurt a child. So it cannot be used in this way by children services to assert that your are a currentrisk. The social worker assessment seems to be saying exactly that. So that you will never be able to move on -which has to be incorrect. Instead, all your risks which were identified by the court should have been assessed.
What did the judge say in his judgment about your risks? Why were you left in the pool? What are your risks and have you addressed them?

This has to be the key to what assessments you might need and so what support you need to reduce any risk you may pose to your son.

In one of your previous posts you say “The judge told me I need to progress, have more insight and accept the findings to move forward”.

You appear to be addressing the finding that you emotionally abused your children by failing to protect them from domestic violence. You have completed the Freedom Programme-so hopefully you will be skilled up to avoid future abusive relationships and are no longer with the perpetrator. So in this respect, you have evidence that your circumstances may have changed.

But you say the Judge referred to you being violent to your exe- “mutual abuse” he called it. You say it was in self- defence though this was never tested. How have you been assessed to see whether you could be a domestic violence perpetrator as well and so need support?

Also, the fact that you are in the pool, for a violent act may suggest that there is a chance you could, under certain circumstances, be violent or lose control or not protect your child against a violent act. What did the judgment say about this? Has there been an assessment of this?

Respect who offer advice to perpetrators of domestic violence might be able to advise you of assessments, if this is indeed relevant.

You have not mentioned any psychological/ psychiatric assessment of you? These might be assessments that could identify something about your behavior or traits in your personality that might be worrying but that could also be treatable. Or, on the other hand, that you don’t have any assessable worrying traits. Did you have a psychological assessment in previous proceedings? if so, could you go back for a re-assessment?

You could look at the Parents accused website (they have a helpline as well). They might be able to advice you further about support assessments that might be available.

Here is some helpful information explaining the law about pool of perpetrators on the Child Protection Resource website. It also refers to the most important recent legal case about this subject.

In your posts you talk about having recordings of the social worker saying she knows you did not harm your son. This is in contrast to what has been said to you in the looked after child review. I think it is important you bring these recordings to the attention of your solicitor. I previously referred you to the Transparency Project who have guidance on covert recording of social workers. There have been a number of recent cases examining how to deal with covert recordings in children law cases. It is a changing situation legally. Look at the Family Justice Council debate about recordings.

I hope this advice helps. We can only give very general advice, and I think you need specific advice. I would urge you to speak to your legal team as soon as you can.
Best wishes,
Suzie

[QuestionMark]

Thank you for your response. I'll take it all on board. I was never given a psychological assessment nor has one been required.

There was never a finding of whether I was abusive, the judge said that "the relationship was abusive" and acknowledges that I had explained that the one occasion I harmed my ex partner was in self-defence.

There were other concerns previously with me honesty- there's a finding that I entered "false or misleading statements", I have since provided evidence to show I was telling the truth about my abusive ex partner. They also made this finding in respect of conversations held with medical professionals the day my son died - I do not remember these conversations due to shock (I can't actually remember months after my sons death). I did tell the police on the day my son died that my abusive partner was "not violent" but I have apologised for this and taken responsibility for this - so much had already happened that day (my son passing away and learning he had injuries) I couldn't cope with discussing anything more at the time.

Unfortunately I do not have a recording of the social worker saying she doesn't believe it was me - my mam was present at the time though. My mam too has a finding that she made "false or misleading" statements and also has a finding that she knew of the domestic abuse from y ex but "failed to take adequete steps" - despite this, my mam is the person the social worker wants to give the SGO to.

I'm not sure if there was ever a finding about "emotional abuse" but I do know that my parenting assessment describes me as "gentle", "patient" and "loving" - surely that speaks volumes?

[QuestionMark]

I just double checked, the finding in respect to the domestic violence is: "The relationship between the mother (me) and **** was abusive and unstable".

The finding regarding the 'pool of perpetrators' is: "The injuries were by the mother (me) and/or **** and neither can be excluded from the pool".

There's also a finding that myself, my mam and my ex entered "false or misleading statements" as I've explained above.

My mam also has a finding against her stating she knew of the abuse from at least the second occasion that I called the police when my ex tried dragging out of the house but "failed to take adequate steps to protect the children from further exposure to the harm associated with that abuse". - As explained above, my mam currently has care of my son and is the one the SW is recommending the SGO to.

[QuestionMark]

Hi Suzie,

Just reading over your response again. With regards to "What are your risks and have you addressed them?" - I have read my assessment and the two risks are 1) my being in the pool 2) my only two adult relationships have involved DV (my daughters dad had anger management issues which he eventually sought help for - he now has residency of our daughter). That's the two risks listed in my assessment by the social worker. She also makes a point of raising that we spent an entire 1 and a half hour session going over safety.