Unable to see my little man (4 months)

[En373]

Hi There,
Many like you are facing issues with your respective wives. I havent seen my new born little man who is turning 5 months this month. Our relation became so acrimonious that our little man's name is not yet registered because of differences between us. She wants to give 1 name & didnt even took my into understanding as she comes from different faith & I am from different faith. She didnt even informed me while going to registrar office. I had to get the registration date from local civic office. Now my wife as any women does misutilising the law which is there to protect them. She has asked for Occupation order, Injunction order & Has applied for urgent SIO (Special instruction order) for naming the little man on her own. All this while she has not allowed me to see my son. And just like any other women who plays wrong she wants supervised contact for me with my son. My solcitor has asked for contact request. But no positive response from her or her solicitor. My question is :- How can I get contact with my little man, How can I protect myself against all the threats intimidations of occupation order, injunction orders. I have no other place to go nor have any excess salary to find another accomodation interim. Really challenging times for me. Can some one please help & support. We as a sufferer MEN or Separated Fathers kept away/broken from our kids must act & make a strong BODY against this injustice. Womens have become powerful & we men's have become victims in todays day & age. Its so unequal for we as MEN's

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear En373,

Welcome back to the Parents Forum.

I am sorry to hear that you have not seen your son who is 5 months old. This must be distressing to you.

You say that your wife has offered you supervised contact, but you have not taken this up. Due to the allegations of domestic violence by your wife, it is likely that at this stage, that you will only get supervised contact to start off with until the court cases are completed. This is because the courts consider domestic violence to be very harmful to children. Here is information about domestic violence and how it impacts on children.


I strongly suggest that you consider supervised contact. Do you have any family or friends who could be involved with supervising? If not, you could find out about contact centres in your area. NACCC can advise about contact centres.

You should also apply to the Family Court for a child arrangements order (CAO) for contact with your son.
To get advice about how to do this, you could speak to your solicitor or get advice from Families Need Fathers or the Child Law advice line.

As domestic violence might be an issue in your relationship, I strongly advise that you also speak to the Respect helpline . They can advise whether your behaviour could be classed as domestic violence. It does not need to be physically abuse. If they think it is, then you could do a DV course which would help you have contact with your son in the future.
I hope my advice helps.
Best wishes,
Suzie

[En373]

Hello Suzie,
Thanks for your reply.
I really appreciate your response. I firstly want to state that this domestic violence term is so dangerous and although it is made for the protection of women but the same women can misutilize it to extremes. The sams law which is meant ti protect them can be catastrophic against men.
I deny domestic violence charges. That also is spurious in a sense that there was no complaint in the past but suddenly in maternity ward there was a altercation between me and my wife with respect to baby’s name which got observed by mid wife and then all these authorities child protection etc.. got involved. Birth registration got delayed because of the same reason as me and my wife differed in front of registrar. Now my wife has already applied for occupation order injunction order along with specific issue order in court. We have a hearing next monday. I believe I will be given hearing on occupation order as well as over the name..
Do you have any opinion over the potential decision court will take over giving name ?? Court will also decide over the child arrangement if not come into unanimity between our solicitors. Basically my wife wants to give 1st name to my son based on her choice from her spiritual guru/master of her faith. I am christian protestant my belief is not hers. I said I want her name but a name agreed by both of us. But now she is saying my name will remind her always of domestic abuse in 4 years of marriage. I mean its flimsy and ridiculous as we had love marriage and she proposed me and all the long love marriage of ours have suddenly become domestic abusive !!!! So easy it is for women to makea marriage abusive and psycologically destroy husbands. And you see we as men loose out on our children so badly. You yourself are saying ill be given supervised contact only. Thats sad and very bad.
Anyway your suggestion for me to go through DA course I have been law and rules abiding. I have taken the DA course already and no matter what my wife has applied for divorce I have gone through it now.. complete course since december 2020. So that would go in my favour in that way. I am ready to do anything and I have already told my wife and authorities to save my marriage and to keep my wife and son with me..
but I just want her to respect my opinion and to take my consent on giving name to my son. She just want her choice of name. Now dispute is multi folded as she wants her surname added as well and wants her name to 1st mine second but I want any 1st name of our mutual consent and 2nd name is fine with her spiritual guru/master suggestion.
Not sure whats going to happen next week with this.
Praying to my god Jesus Christ and hoping for best.
Please tel me your opinion in name regard.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear En373

Thank you for your further post. I can see that the current situation is very difficult and distressing for you.

You haven’t asked any questions in relation to children’s services which is the area of advice that we provide. Your main queries are about private law family court proceedings in relation to your wife’s application for an occupation order, specific issues order and the court is also being asked to decide about arrangements for you to see your son. You are also very concerned about naming your son which you and your wife dispute. We are not able to advise on private law matters. You mentioned in your original post that you have a solicitor – they are best placed to advise you. Unfortunately, we cannot give advice about the ‘naming’ dispute. I think your court hearing has already happened now too. So the situation may have moved on since you posted.

It is good to hear that you have attended a domestic abuse course although I see that you deny that there has been any domestic abuse. As explained in my previous response, allegations of domestic abuse are taken very seriously by both the courts and children’s services. Do contact Respect as recommended previously if you want to discuss what happened in your relationship. And you may find these FAQs for fathers on domestic violence informative.

Here is a link to services who offer advice about parenting and relationships; this includes some fathers’ organisations, for your information.

I hope that you are able to move your situation forward so that in the future you can be a father to your son and that you can enjoy a good relationship with him which is also safe for all.

If your son has a social worker and you have any queries about their role or their process that is taking place then please do post again or call our freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm.

Best wishes

Suzie