Pre birth assessment and ability to be a family

[Sloth14]

Hello
First post.
My husband was recently arrested for having 2 conversations with police decoys pertaining to be 12 and 13 year olds. He also sent these accounts sexual photos of himself. He is currently released under investigation.
He has a history of abuse himself and has now admitted to having a sex addiction where since a very young age went online to have sexual conversations with adults - usually a lot older than himself. He seems to have had a breakdown which is when his activity turned illegal. For many reasons I want to support him in his recovery snd stay together.
I am now 6 months pregnant and child services are involved in our case. They are currently completing a pre birth assessment. So far there have been 2 meetings an introductory joint one only a few days post arrest and one with just me a few days ago (3 weeks post arrest). The meetings so far have been generally ok and I have been doing my upmost to prove I am a protective parent and also to show I do know the extent of my husbands crime and he has been honest with me. The social worker is arranging therapy for me to understand what he has done which I didn’t ask for but will take gladly. She next wants a meeting with my husband.

At the last meeting with me she suggested that right now they think my husband will need to leave the family home when baby is born as the investigation is still ongoing and we don’t know what they will find on devices ect. I expressed that while I know that needs to be an option I would like to work with the service to look at other options as that is not my desired outcome and would rather put other measures in place.

My question therefore, is do I have a hope of keeping us together if I can prove I am protective and have a good safety plan in place? Or is this a done deal and my husband will need to move out? Have I got the rights to have my options and voice heard as I only want what is best for my child and I haven’t done anything wrong?

Is there anything my husband can talk about in his meeting that will help? (He has started self help modules though LFF/ stop it now, is hoping to get into their engage course, has signed up for therapy we are waiting to start, has disclosed everything to his mum and is willing to do anything needed to be able to stay here).

I’m very fearful that if he moves out we will struggle to get him back into the family home. But I also know I have to work with the social workers to be able to prove I am capable and protective- but I don’t want to roll over and accept this when I don’t think it’s the best decision from my child. I feel I’m having to protect my unborn child from any risk my husband poses and the risks to her emotional development Child services may inflict.

[Kitty 33]

See me and my bf are like this I am living whit my bf we are still going though the pre birth assessment but I no if I don't move out and find my own place they will not let me bring baby home even tho they have not said this to us we no this will happen as it happend whit my son naw they want our daughter

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello
First post.
My husband was recently arrested for having 2 conversations with police decoys pertaining to be 12 and 13 year olds. He also sent these accounts sexual photos of himself. He is currently released under investigation.
He has a history of abuse himself and has now admitted to having a sex addiction where since a very young age went online to have sexual conversations with adults - usually a lot older than himself. He seems to have had a breakdown which is when his activity turned illegal. For many reasons I want to support him in his recovery snd stay together.
I am now 6 months pregnant and child services are involved in our case. They are currently completing a pre birth assessment. So far there have been 2 meetings an introductory joint one only a few days post arrest and one with just me a few days ago (3 weeks post arrest). The meetings so far have been generally ok and I have been doing my upmost to prove I am a protective parent and also to show I do know the extent of my husbands crime and he has been honest with me. The social worker is arranging therapy for me to understand what he has done which I didn’t ask for but will take gladly. She next wants a meeting with my husband.

At the last meeting with me she suggested that right now they think my husband will need to leave the family home when baby is born as the investigation is still ongoing and we don’t know what they will find on devices ect. I expressed that while I know that needs to be an option I would like to work with the service to look at other options as that is not my desired outcome and would rather put other measures in place.

My question therefore, is do I have a hope of keeping us together if I can prove I am protective and have a good safety plan in place? Or is this a done deal and my husband will need to move out? Have I got the rights to have my options and voice heard as I only want what is best for my child and I haven’t done anything wrong?

Is there anything my husband can talk about in his meeting that will help? (He has started self help modules though LFF/ stop it now, is hoping to get into their engage course, has signed up for therapy we are waiting to start, has disclosed everything to his mum and is willing to do anything needed to be able to stay here).

I’m very fearful that if he moves out we will struggle to get him back into the family home. But I also know I have to work with the social workers to be able to prove I am capable and protective- but I don’t want to roll over and accept this when I don’t think it’s the best decision from my child. I feel I’m having to protect my unborn child from any risk my husband poses and the risks to her emotional development Child services may inflict.

Dear Sloth14

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser. I am sorry to hear about the current difficult situation and for the delay in responding to your post.

You are six months pregnant and having a pre-birth assessment in relation to your unborn baby because of your husband’s arrest for child sex offences and the ongoing police investigation. You are concerned that your husband may have to move out of the family home when your baby is born and you would like to prevent this if possible.

Here is some information about why children’s services become involved when there are allegations of child sexual abuse .

It is good to hear that both you and your husband are cooperating with the assessment and willing to engage with specialist services. You have been referred to a programme to enhance your protective parenting skills and your husband is doing some specialised self-help modules and has been open with family members about the situation and his past history also. These are all positives.

However, the fact remains that your husband remains under investigation and children’s services role is to assess the level of risk to your baby when they are born. The social worker has explained that your husband may be asked to agree to move out in order to ensure your baby’s protection. They may want him to agree to this (as he is the person who poses the potential risk) so that you can continue to care for your baby safely at home. This is what usually happens so you should be prepared for this.

You would like to put other measures in place and devise a good enough safety plan which would allow your husband to remain at home, presumably with you supervising all the time. You would need to think through how this could realistically be managed, to the satisfaction of children’s services. What options are your thinking of?

Both you and your husband’s views will be considered. All of the information you provide is relevant. Children’s services need to work openly and honestly with both of you, However, the baby’s safety and welfare is their main concern; the purpose of the assessment is to decide what needs to be put in place and for how long to make sure that your baby is safe and well-cared for. They are also making decisions based on the ‘balance of probabilities’.

It is not possible to predict the outcome of the assessment – this will depend on the concerns/risks identified, the contact your husband will have with the baby and your ability to be protective of your baby. Children’s services’ aim is to protect your baby from risk of sexual harm and to make sure there is a safe plan in place for now.

If your husband moves out, then arrangements for him to have supervised contact with your baby will need to be considered; as you are married he will automatically have parental responsibility for the baby.

If your husband is convicted in the criminal courts or cautioned he will be subject to registration requirements i.e. the sexual offenders register and any plans in place will need to be reviewed.

The good thing is that it sounds as if you are both willing to work with children’s services; here are some tips on how to do this.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes
Suzie

[Sloth14]

Hello

Thank you for replying.

We are still waiting on the outcome though this is now late as should have been 8th July. (Social workers has been on holiday).

I have now started the protective parenting course that the Social worker referred me too. It’s very tough and I feel somewhat bullied but I understand it is to test my ability to be protective - so far I have had wonderful feedback.

I sent the social worker doing assessment the safety plan which includes no unsupervised contact (inc no nappies or bath time), how I will manage that practically and in emergencies. It details emergency contact, our family dynamics/relationship, steps taken to limit husbands ability to reoffend among other things. I have received some written (email) feedback from the social worker doing assessment that the plan was “helpful, proactive, assesses risks, plans for emergencies and family dynamics”. I feel this is great feedback especially to have in writing

Husband has also now had a 1:1 meeting where he received praise on the work he is doing with LFF and started therapy ect.

Which all this done, if we get asked for husband to leave do we have to agree? I have proven I have been proactive and assessed risks (and SS agreed this in writing). I truly and passionately believe it is better for our baby to have 2 of us at home under this agreement than force me to be a single parent to a newborn as a first time mum. I also have asked SS to consider the impact this could have on baby’s emotional development and ability to bond. If we don’t agree what could realistically happen as we have been told they are not looking to take our baby into care?

I would also be happy to suggest to SS that for the first few weeks we could have a second supervisor in the house (my mum) who could help me to ensure that I am comfortable applying the safety plan in practise. Would that be helpful?

My concern is that is they say they need to wait until the risk is more known after investigation is completed - this could be years down the line and I believe that will cause all of the family but baby in particular to suffer as she will not have the bond with her father.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Sloth14,

It is positive to hear that you have started the protective parenting course you have been referred to and that you have received encouraging feedback, as well as your husband engaging with LFF and therapy. It is clear you have been proactive in developing a safety plan and this has been well received by the social worker.

Following all of this, you would like to know whether you would have to agree to your husband moving out, if asked to do so by children’s services. You say that you believe it would be better for your baby to have both parents in the home under a safety plan and that you are worried about the emotional development of your child should you be asked to care for them alone. You are worried that children’s services would like to wait until the criminal investigation in complete to better to understand any risk, before they can recommend that your husband move in. You are concerned that this could be years in the future and would like to know what children’s services could do if you do not agree to your husband moving out.

Again, whilst it is positive that you and your husband are engaging in support, children’s services focus is to assess the risk to your child and to ensure that they are appropriately safeguarded. There may be several reasons why they believe that your husband living at home, particularly initially, poses too high of a risk. This is not to say that the safety plan you have proposed is not robust, but that it may not be entirely sufficient to guarantee that your child will not suffer or be at risk of suffering sexual harm. Part of understanding the full extent of the risk your husband may pose may be linked to the outcome of the criminal investigation. You have asked whether proposing that your mother move in for the first few weeks would be helpful - this is certainly something you can put forward.

This may be very difficult for you to hear as an expectant mother, and I can appreciate your desire to keep your family together. Nevertheless, part of evidencing that you are willing to act in a protective capacity includes openly listening to children’s services concerns and accepting that your husband moving may be one of the things they expect you to do to address the level of risk.

If children’s services do ask your husband to move out of the home, they should be clear about why they are asking him to do this. Like I said, this will likely be because they do not know enough about the risk he may pose or have assessed him as being too high risk within the home environment. If you do not agree to this and children’s services believe your child to be at risk of significant harm, they could initiate child protection enquiries or seek legal advice. This could lead to the local authority initiating care proceedings – you can read more about this here. If they believe your baby is in immediate danger, they could urgently apply to the courts to remove your child under an interim care order or emergency protection order.

These are drastic and final steps taken by children’s services in response to a significant level of risk. It is therefore important that you continue to work with your social worker to avoid this; engage in support and be prepared to take the necessary steps to safeguard your child.

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[oneafter900]

Hi
My advice is to oppose CS from the beginning. They are not your friends and the path of least resistance (your husband moving out) is what they happy to enforce into perpetuity.

CS turned my wife against me 5 years ago before the birth of our second child (you can find my story on here)

I bitterly regret not going home to live after i was sentenced. I also regret not being honest with my wife, so id advise you have that talk with him. Its likely they’ll find some images on his device and/or charge him with intent to committ offenses based on what you’ve said.

Once he is charged the CS will ramp up the situation and threaten you with taking your children away if you don't comply. They know this works on mothers.