Partner arrested on suspicion of IIOC

[EDY92]

Hello.

My world turned upside down last week, when the police came to our door. 4 of them had a warrant to take all electronic devices and search the whole house.

Partner is currently denying it and because both our phones are gone, we don’t have any way of communicating anyways, but the social worker on duty told me I had to tell partner he couldn’t stay or the children would be removed from my care.

He has now moved out of family home, however I will not afford to keep this house on my own.

Also to add , I’m currently pregnant with our 3rd child.

I know the police have a job to do, but not sure why my devices were took when they are all registered in my name and partner doesn’t have access to them as he uses own.

Anyways, I’ve got a meeting with social worker about my children being ‘in need’ she said this is an assesmernt and If I don’t agree to what they say, my children will be taken off me as I won’t be seen to be able to keep them safe.

I was told partner was to have no contact; which I have obviously stuck to.

Supervised contact I will be asking about tomorrow, as my children miss their daddy a lot and I don’t see why they should suffer?!

I’m stressed beyond belief and I’m so angry at the whole situation. From what I’ve read on here, SS can just tell me to jump and I have to. I’m very worried now that I won’t even be allowed to give birth with him there..

I also work in a job where I need a clean criminal record. The police told me I didn’t have to disclose this to my employer as it’s not me under investigation , but SS have told me they will tell my employer if I don’t?? Can they actually do this??

I am going to go on the sick until I give birth anyways, as I cannot face going into work. I haven’t managed to eat since all of this and I just want to be with my children. They’re too young for school, so I can’t afford the childcare on just my wage anyways!

Thank you for reading

[EDY92]

UPDATE:

Well what a waste time of that was! Social worker told me I need to seriously consider having an Abortion because how would I possibly cope with 3 children on my own?! Erm what the F? How is that even acceptable to say? And when she doesn’t know my beliefs , I think it’s down right disgusting ! This was the tone of the whole meeting. I’m an educated woman. I have done courses and my degree involved safe guarding children, I’m not an idiot. Which is how I was made to feel.

I feel no better. Because I want the children to have contact with their father and I will not be allowed to supervise they are dragging their heels. My children miss their daddy so much and I know it’s supervised so I have no concerns about the contact!

Just thought I’d update.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear EDY92,

Welcome to the parents forum.

Thank you for your post. I can see what a stressful and difficult time it must be for you, having to cope with your children in these circumstances as well as also being pregnant.

I can see that the police are investigating your partner and have taken all the electronic devices in your home, including your phone. Although you do not say, I assume they are concerned about possible online sexual abuse, is that right?
If that is the case, the social worker was right to ask your partner to move out of the family home until the police and children services investigations are completed and they have a better idea whether your partner could be risky and if so, whether you are able to protect your children from any risk he poses. Here is information about children services assessments.


The reason why they have taken your phone is because it may have also been used so there may be evidence on it. The police may also want to make sure you are not involved. That could be why children services would like you to tell your employer about the police investigation. If you pose a child protection risk then they can breach your confidentiality and tell your employer. Ask them to confirm the position in writing. If you are in a union I would also check the position with them.


Parent’s Protect have information and resources about sexual abuse risks and how to protect. The NSPCC have the Women as protector’s course that might be helpful.

In respect of the other issues you raise I will address these one by one.
There is a chance that your partner may not be allowed to be at the birth of you youngest child. This would have to be assessed. Ask the social worker whether this could be the case for you. Could someone else be there who could supervise?

If the social worker felt that you could not protect your children from dad’s risk, if you were in complete denial, for example, then they may assess that it would not be safe for you to supervise contact. It might be practically difficult to supervise his contact as you have two children who you would have to supervise at all times.Is there anyone else in your network who could supervise his contact as well?

In respect of the costs of your home, can your partner still pay towards this?
Gingerbread] have information about support such as child maintenance and housing benefit. Also speak to the social worker about your financial worries.
I hope my advice helps. If you need further advice, please post again.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[EDY92]

Hello I am in need of some advice again please

I have received my children in need report and there are TONS of lies and things that aren’t true. No further action has been taken until the police complete their investigation.

However, I want to know why my medical records have been shared in this report ?! I have been off work because I’m pregnant and I’m obviously very stressed wjth everything that’s happened - the relationship between my ex and me now is VERY bitter and he’s using this against me , that I’m not coping.. the only reason I am stressed is because I’d HIS actions and the police/social services being completely incompetent!!

Also, they disclosed an offence that a family member was convicted off.. he’s seeking legal advice on the matter, as he’s not sure why it’s even been brought up and obviously my ex has now got the power to start causing bother.. this family member has zero contact with my children and at the time social services agreed my children’s dad didn’t have to know.. but now we’re not together he’s suddenly got a right to and I wasn’t even warned?