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looking for help and advice

Posted: Wed Nov 20, 2019 2:39 pm
by LHG1901
Hey folks as the title suggests looking for some advice here, I will try keep this short and as factual as possible.

I have been stopped seeing my partner and baby by the SS for 3 weeks due to concerns for my daughters safety.

A few years ago there was an allegation made against me of sexually abusing my daughter (eldest from another relationship) where the social services and police were involved, this case was closed down by them having completed an investigation, and I then pursued legal action to see my daughter which I now have under supervised access by my family, I was never proved innocent or guilty of this as there was no evidence and my daughter went for medical examinations etc, I personally never once seen a social worker during the whole ordeal only the police where I had to go for an interview, Terrified at the interview I took the advice of a criminal defence lawyer (who was on call that night) and done a no comment interview as advised to do.

5 years down the line I am in a new relationship with a new child who is 3 months old, my partner was seeing a counsellor for depression and told them of my past and the allegations that were made ( my partner was a victim of abuse as a child hence the counsellor), the counsellor then called a week later to say that she has informed the SS of my past for my daughter as a duty of care and they arrived the next day to see her, they are happy with how the little one is doing but asked that I have no contact for as put in their words " 3 weeks, thats 21 days" until an investigation can be done on myself.

I have an appointment to go and see the SS next week, but I am terrified of this and thinking off the worst case scenario here that I am never going to see my partner and baby again, I know the SS where i lived have a copy of the report and investigation that was carried out, can anyone give me advice of what to expect etc? We have both been very compliant with the SS and I have not had any contact, only a phone call every evening for a while which i clarified we are allowed when I called them, My family have been going back and forth to check on them and make sure all is OK at home. I have spoken to the social worker on the phone and asked him the dreaded question could this be a case where me and partner cant be together, all he said was "its to early to tell that."

Me and partner have spoken and we both want to be together and be a family and are willing to do anything they suggest to safeguard our daughter whether that be regular check in etc

also as they told my partner the 21 days, does this mean I will get home on this date or can they change this at all?

any advice/help would be greatly appreciated - sorry about formatting dyslexic tried my hardest!

Re: looking for help and advice

Posted: Sat Nov 23, 2019 6:01 pm
by PerfectlySafeDad
It's 21 days while they 'work out what to do' (expect this to get shifted ad infinitum), because basically they don't yet have a clue due to hopeless under-resourcing (for which you, the service users are penalized in the form of your human rights). It's currently a box-ticking exercise, because this counsellor has made a referral and the mindless unforgiving system kicks in. Big mistake to tell the counsellor, in the pathologically back-covering society we live in he/she felt duty-bound to make the dreaded referral (disastrous for anybody subject to one, nobody can expect fair, transparent treatment or one iota of trust from these zealots. No convictions, no proof whatsoever, your past is nobody's business apart from yours and what you care to share with your partner. It's scandalous. I'm afraid I don't see how the current SS expect to untangle this one when the original police investigation and SS department couldn't, so - wham - they just slam the most draconian safeguarding options down so they feel ok but sod you and your human rights.

Re: looking for help and advice

Posted: Wed Nov 27, 2019 10:07 pm
by Shaftesbury
I'm in a vaguely similar situation, I'd love to know how you get on.

Re: looking for help and advice

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2019 4:10 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear LHG1901,

Welcome to the Parent’s Forum.

Congratulation on the birth of your baby.

I am sorry for the delay in responding to your post. I assume you will now have had a meeting with the social worker and might know more about their involvement.
I can see that children services are carrying out an assessment of your family due to allegations of sexual abuse made against you by your older daughter some years ago. You say the police did not proceed with a prosecution at that time and children services closed their case. You have supervised contact with your older daughter which is supervised by your family. You do not say whether you had any risk assessment at the time.
Here is information about assessments. .

Children services will be concerned with assessing any risk you may pose to your baby and assessing mums ability to protect baby against you.
Until the assessments have been completed, children services have to assume you could be risk to your baby until they have a better idea.

Children services will want to see any reports from the police and the previous assessment by children services where you had been living when the allegation was made against you.
It is a good idea that you and mum are cooperating with the assessment. Your family seem very supportive. I would expect a risk assessment be carried out of family members who are involved in supporting you. Ask about timescales for assessments and any support that is suggested. At the end of the assessment, you can ask for a copy it and it should set out any plan that is proposed. This could be:
• No further action and case closed;
• That your baby is a child in need but no support is needed;
• a child in need plan -which is a plan with your consent;
• If at any point the social worker suspected your baby was at risk of harm (because you were not cooperating for example or mum was not being protective) a child protection investigation would start and there may be a child protection conference. See our FAQ’s.

You and mum could get in touch with the Just stop it now advice line on 0808 1000 900 and look at the Parents Protect website which sets out advice and support about sexual abuse risks. You could ask about specialist risk assessments.

I hope my advice helps. If you need further advice, please post again or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Re: looking for help and advice

Posted: Mon Dec 09, 2019 2:28 pm
by LHG1901
Thanks for the replys guys @PerfectlySafeDad you are right they are absolute henious zelots and have no moral code or interested in what you have to say if its on paper they are going to take this is who you are as a person.

Shaftesbury - unfortuneately it was not a good or plesant outcome! :(

I went to a meeting with them on a monday and was advised that they wanted another 3 weeks to do more of an investigation however less than 48hrs had passed and they wanted to see me and my partner again where my partner was given 2 choices, me OR the baby she can have 1 but not both.

needless to say she has done the correct thing and has stuck by our baby as heart breaking as it is it was either this or she would go into the care system.

As per your comment suzie - no risk assesment option was given it was pretty much a break up or else situation that we were forced into, my previous involvement with the SS was nothing never once spoke to a member of them nor again about a risk assesment to be done.

absolute heartless people!

Re: looking for help and advice

Posted: Mon Jan 06, 2020 12:23 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear LHG1901,

I am sorry to hear about the outcome of children services intervention. They had given mum only two options and she has, as you say, chosen the more realistic option that is available to her which is to end her relationship with you.

You still have options though. You could be seeking advice about having contact with your baby and what risk assessments of you might be needed and different types of contact-such as supervised contact.
For advice about this, I suggest you get in touch with organisations that advise about private law child arrangements orders such as the child law advice line and Families need Fathers or seek advice from a solicitor who specialises in children law.
I still think you should discuss your situation with the Just Stop It Now advice line. Ask about risk assessments and likely outcomes for your circumstances.
Best wishes,