Please help :(

[Stressedmun05]

Hi all,
I don't know if u can help me but here goes. I have 4 children and my daughter is diagnosed with ADHD ODD , touretts, ticks and asd. My youngest is showing signs of ADHD (9 years) lately he has become aggressive and lashed out at me for the second time I ended up covered in bruising and a swollen eye. And my daughter while trying to help got a small cut to her finger. I went into the school the first time he lashed out and said what had happend and his class teacher said he is disruptive in class can not concentrate and if very fidgitty. So I asked her about him being referred to the hospital and she agreed. She then spoke to the senco and the senco said she wants to put him into a support group at school based on emotions (fine by me) but there is no space until after Christmas at the earliest. So I kept asking for the senco to give me a appointment to go in and speak to her for things I can do for him at home but she didnt ring... So move on 3 weeks and that's when he went agressive again and caused me to have a black swollen eye. And his sister's finger to get hurt. So the next day a Monday I went in and spoke to his teacher and I broke down in tears feeling like no one was listening or helping me due to now 8 requests for the senco to ring me. So I told his teacher I'm going to take him to the gp that day to try and get him some help. So she told me to ask about a referral for ADHD witch I said ok and she said she would let the senco know I had been in. A few hours later the phone rang and it was the school. A teacher saying she had seen that I had been in the school and had a rough weekend with my son. So I explained what had happened and that he had a doctor appointment that afternoon and she again said get a assessment set up for ADHD. So I took him to the doctor and asked for help. The doctor spoke to my son and then the doctor said he needs a referral. The next day I spoke to the school again and explained what had happened and she said she was going to inform social services as they can offer more help then the school can so I said ok (to be honest I'll take the help) so Wednesday they phone and say they have had a referral come thro and would like to come see me and the kids so I agreed and she came through. She met the kids and all seemed to be ok. Then she said she was a child protection social worker. And she wants to do a assessment. So I was a bit shocked but arranged for her to come back while the kids was at school so that way it would be easier to talk. She then phones on the Friday and has a complete different attitude on the phone asking why would I not speak to her with the kids around so I explained that my daughter and my son take everything to heart and get distressed easily. She seemed really grumpy about that and then went on to say " do you actually know why I have been called" so I said yes because you can offer me support for my children that people like Banardos can not do. And she replied well we need to have a serious talk on Tuesday. And put the phone down.... I am going out of my mind with worry. I have done nothing wrong. But I dont understand why they would send a child protection social worker to see me and my kids she is coming back tomorrow and I'm going out of my mind. I was told by the school this is voulentry and I don't have to work with them but the fact she is a child protection social worker is making me think differently. I've since been into the school and finally had a appointment with the senco who told me every parent wants a label for there child. No they dont I told her I just want him to have the help and support he deserves. She said he has anxiety and a emotional attachment issues towards me ( I know he does because he never wants to leave my side) and finally she has sent off a referral to chams and to the hospital for a ADHD assessment. But this social worker is really scaring me. I'm not eating sleeping I'm crying. I'm so worried. Any advice would be brilliant. Please... is it normal for a child protection person to come out ? I'm doing everything I can. I'm sorry it's so long but I dont have anyone I can ask for help or support thankyou for any help

[Stressedmun05]

Did forget to say when I spoke to the school they said they had no parenting concerns. But if they said that to social I don't know

[swim]

Hi Stressedmun05

I can only talk about my own experiences but having been through a pre birth assessment I can say they are likely to look at everything - the things in the referral will probably barely come up. I would be surprised if they don't ask about things like cleaning routine etc.

It should be voluntary for now, but in reality you won't have much of a choice. Best advice to you is make sure you get a recording app on your phone and record every meeting. You can ask permission to do this but I expect you'll get a bit of resistance. On the other hand, if you use it solely for your personal use this is fine and doesn't need their permission or knowledge but you can't publish or show it to anyone... but you can quote from it verbatim if you need to (as that was exactly what was said).

Secondly, every council is required to publish their procedures online - if you are in "never-neverland council" try a search for "procedures online never-neverland". Section 17 and 47 procedures are useful reads and should get you clued up on your "rights" according to that council. They'll have procedures for children with various issues. If they breach these perhaps consider putting in a complaint, but only do that if it is major - SS are known to become reactive. Look at information sharing policies as well - no one should be communicating without your say so at the moment.

It may be worth checking out your social worker on the HCPC website and double check they are properly registered. You can read the professional standards social workers have to adhere to and even the sort of behaviour that has led others to be struck off etc. If their behaviour breaches these standards you can raise a "fitness to practice concern" ...however this is a rather cruel process so don't do that without good reason.

Hopefully you've got a lovely council who are going to do everything to help you in a non-judgemental way and play by the rules and the above advice will hopefully be unnecessary. Maybe all of the recorded facts will be accurate and maybe they won't twist things you say - there are honest social workers out there.

Good luck, hope they turn out to be helpful

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Swim

Having read your post in response to Stressedmun05 and your comments regarding phone recording which she can use in meetings with children’s services, I would like to point out that it is always best to inform the person whom you are recording that you intend to do so for your own purposes.

Whilst is it true that a social worker could say that she prefers not to be recorded, then the person seeking to do a recording should explain the reason why recording would be helpful to them.

It might be helpful for you to familiarise yourself with this resource from the Transparency Project

I thought it would be helpful to provide information about recordings when children’s services involved.

Best wishes

Suzie